The Park Family Adoption- The Journey Continues...

Perspective (Part 2)

2012-01-29T21:25:00.001-08:00

While our living in a travel trailer idea is part of a greater plan for the future, I sometimes struggle with the idea that while most, if not all of our friends and family are living in homes (some albeit very modest, others extremely nice to anyone's standards), we are cramped in a very tight space limited to mostly the essentials. It is easy to let the envy bug creep into my head, and I have to remind myself that this is all a part of the next leg of our journey.

The other day the boys rode their bikes while I ran the bike path from the campsite along the river in Oceanside. As we were preparing to turn around and head back, Benjamin pointed out a man sleeping under the bridge that stretched over the river. Later that day as I was walking back from the dumpster to the trailer and feeling a little down about our dwelling arrangements, I remembered the man sleeping under the bridge. At that moment I began to make a mental list of the things that I had that that man didn't.

A roof over my head
Heat
Air Conditioning
A warm bed
Electricity
Running water
Refrigerator
Couch
Table for meals
Television
Clean clothes
Company

Then I remembered that what my trailer has to offer is better than what the majority of the world has. To that man under the bridge, this trailer would be "living the high life". He would have given anything to trade places with me, even for just a day. What am I complaining about.

Don't get me wrong. I would never try to lessen the struggles that anyone is going through. But when we place them on the scale compared to how things could possibly be, which side tips? While sometimes this life can present some challenges (like learning the hard way that regular toilet paper doesn't dissolve in your black tank as quickly as the special RV stuff), my challenges are pretty light compared to the challenges many face in this world. I must be content with what I have, because I really so have it pretty good...

JP

Perspective (Part 1)

2012-01-24T21:22:00.001-08:00

Perspective.

We all fall into the same trap. Whether it's our home, our job, our family, our possessions, we all at some point in time find ourselves ensnared in the jaws of the covet trap. We know that it's a sin, yet we all do it. Oh, we won't call it that. We will call it an "observation", or we will think that since what we want is not an actual "thing", then it's not coveting.

In adoption circles, this can also play itself out. Over the past six months or so I have felt that the theme the Lord has placed upon my heart has been "suffering". I know that our adoption road has had its share of this, but more than this I know that we are not the only ones. I have felt like I need to drop the vail a little. This adoption thing is hard! I want to tell people that they are not the only ones having a rough go of it. And it's not because they are doing anything wrong. They are not failing. Sin is to blame, and we are doing the best we can to pick up the pieces and make a makeshift mosaic out of a broken masterpiece.

So be careful as an adoptive parent when you covet another's "normal" family. You have responded to a very high calling. And no matter how much you may question yourself or the family that you are providing your adoptive child, you are giving them hope. You are giving them a fighting chance. And after watching the YouTube special on Russian orphans yesterday, I can unequivocally say that it is better than the alternative.

Keep your perspective...

JP

(to be continued)

Happy 6th Birthday Elijah!

2012-01-22T21:36:00.001-08:00

Now that we are out of the house and living the "mobile" life, it is a touch more difficult to keep the blog updated. No Wi-Fi means having to rely on my "Blogger" app for my phone. It could be better, but at least it works.

Elijah celebrated his 6th Birthday earlier this month. He had a great day at the zoo and got to spend it with his grandparents too, which was a special touch. We were away from the trailer that weekend, so he had to settle for the Hostess variety of cupcake instead of homemade, but he didn't seem to mind. These milestones, like birthdays, are great indications of the progress we've made. While it is still very slow at times, there is still progress from year to year. The good times are getting more genuine, and the bad times are over much more quickly. We are hopeful that this time spent close together in trailer life will draw him even closer. More about trailer life later...

JP

Trust Him With Today

2012-01-06T21:16:00.001-08:00

I have a new motto for my life. "Trust Him with today". The journey that we have been on over the past few years has been filled with much uncertainty. But I have seen the Lord guide us through each step. It has never followed a plan mapped out in advance, each roadblock clearly marked, detours around each hazard. But it has always been God providing exactly what we needed, right when we needed it. Not before, and not more. Just enough at the right time. Another case and point happened last weekend.

At the beginning of December we moved out of our house for good to make way for the county's road widening plans. With only the possibility of renting in front of us, we decided to make a bold decision. Pack up the family, load up a travel trailer and hit the road. Without conventional school holding us down, we decided to turn our perceived "misfortune" into an adventure.

The first step was getting a trailer to pull behind our van. However despite our efforts, a costly mistake and a family crisis later Sara and the kids finished their trip to Wisconsin with no trailer. We hit the road heading back to CA just a week from needing a place to call home. We scouted possibilities from the road, but the prospects looked pretty bleak. We reached CA late Thursday night a little apprehensive. But we had committed this process to the Lord, and we were resting on the faith that He had it under control.

On Friday we began our physical search of RV lots, but they yielded nothing that would fit all of us that was in our price range. However, a couple of days before I left to pick up the family and drive them back, I had called a possible trailer option in Oceanside. He had called me back, but by the time I could look at it, it was Friday and I had to leave. Over a week had passed now, and we couldn't find this trailer available online anymore. But I still had his number on my phone from when I had called to inquire. He had called me back, but we had never spoken. It was a great deal but unlikely still available. Yet I felt this tug to give him a call. From an RV lot in Simi Valley I called him and left him a message. We hopped back into the van, not quite sure of our next step.

Minutes later he called back. I pulled into the closest parking lot and held my breath. Unbelievably, the trailer was still available! Not wanting to miss out, we decided to meet him the next morning to look at it. Knowing that we were coming up to a holiday weekend, I knew I had to make financial arrangements right away. As it turned out, the parking lot I had pulled into was my bank's. So I went right in and took care if it.

The following morning Sara and I met the man selling the trailer and his wife at Camp Pendleton, where it was being stored. He is a Marine getting ready for deployment. As he showed us the trailer, we found out that they are a Christian family with five kids like us. They have three adopted kids and homeschool with the same curriculum as we do. They spent over 90 minutes showing us everything about the trailer. It was in amazing condition. They had pulled it originally with a van like ours, so we knew it would work.

We bought it then and there but we had no way to transport it because our van still needed some work done. They agreed to pull it the next day to a campground in Oceanside. There they spent another hour showing us how to hook it up. As they left they handed us a card. In it they left a note of encouragement saying that they believed that the Lord had orchestrated all of this and that they believed in what we were doing. The card also contained $300 of our money back as a gift!

I know that many uncertainties lie ahead for us, but isn't that the case for everyone? No matter how secure we think we are or how well-planned out we think our lives are, none of us know the changes that tomorrow will bring. Therefore our trust needs to be DAILY on the Lord. He WILL provide.

Sticks and Bricks & Sticks and Stones

2011-12-21T20:40:00.000-08:00

The initial pain of letting go of the house is slowly subsiding. It's only "Sticks and Bricks" as Sara calls it. I'm reminded of a line from a Mat Kearney song where he says "When all is lost, all is left to gain". I like that. Now that this piece is complete, I feel like we can move on and meet the next challenge the Lord has for us.

Speaking of the next challenge, that came and hit us broadside this morning. A personal matter that left our family reeling and wondering where the cameras were hidden. I would never compare our present trials to Job (what he went through far exceeds our perceived "problems"), but it's the similar one-after-the-other nature that leaves us scratching our heads. It seems the deeper we go in this journey, the thicker the foliage gets and the heavier the air presses on our lungs. God's not ready for us to start relying on our own strength yet.

I am amazed at the lenses by which we all view the world. It's like those optical illusions where one person sees an image of two people looking at each other and the other person sees a skull or something like that. How our past experiences and our life journey color the way we see the world. I've never been involved in a situation where this truth has played out so dramatically than this morning.

To burn off some of that energy, I grabbed my running shoes and hit to the streets, my favorite place to meet with the Lord. Whenever I enter into confrontations, afterwards I try to examine my behavior in the light of my Savior and his actions when on this Earth. You know what I think is interesting? The only times you find Jesus ripping into people is when the religious leaders and those who would make a mockery of the temple of the Lord were serving their own self-interests over those of the Lord. He saved his choice words for the "evil doers" who were intentionally distorting the truth and deceiving the people for their own empowerment. Yet for everyone else, the everyday person struggling with everyday difficulties and everyday sins He had a completely different approach. A direct rebuke, yet full of love and compassion. When Jesus tells the Samaritan adulteress at the well to "go and sin no more", you can tell that he really cared about her. That he loved her. He didn't pull any punches with the rich young ruler when he told him to "go and sell everything you have and give to the poor", but you always knew that he had his best interests in mind, the eternal and not the temporal. Up to the end, even when the crowd was hurling insults at him, spitting at him as he hung on the cross, his answer still dripped with compassion. "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." How powerful is that? And as I pounded out the miles, this statement reverberated in my mind. My response to the morning's onslaught needs to be the same. How we move forward from here to reconciliation only time will tell.

But as I neared the end of the run, I had to smile as the Holy Spirit, "the comforter", revealed to me that even this morning's events were part of his plan. Our God is bigger than we can fathom, and no situation that he allows is without its purpose. And while I am still trying to grasp the crux of this one, I know one thing. It has pulled our family even closer together than before and drawn us ever closer to the Lord. And that is always a good thing.

I read this statement in a devotional just given to me yesterday by a friend, and it stuck in my mind today. In regard to Jonah's prayer of thanksgiving while in the belly of the great fish, "The time to express gratitude to God is when in the darkness, not after deliverance." These words are incredible, and so true. To that, I say "Thank you God that you are with us during this time, and that you promise you will never leave us. Thank you God because we know that your hand will lead us out of this darkness."

JP

Up We Go

2011-12-19T15:53:00.001-08:00

It's a fittingly cloudy day as I am sitting on my front porch for the last time, writing what will be the last in a string of entries from this house covering 2 adoptions and a complete spiritual transformation. I have been dreading this day for a long time. I had to take a deep breath before opening the door so the county rep could walk through and confirm that it was vacated. I had to hold back tears as I was signing the papers. The key ring feels noticeably lighter in my pocket. I walked around the outside one last time and was greeted with a flood of memories...all good. We moved here when Isaac was two and Benjamin was one. Ethan was born here. Elijah and Micah joined our family here. I can't fully explain it, but it is almost like leaving a member of the family behind. An always silent, but nevertheless important member. If I knew exactly what the future held, it might be a little easier. But I leave here with a few dollars in the bank, the strength of five resilient boys and an amazing wife alongside me, and faith in a God that promises He will be with us through the valleys. As I sit here on the cold asphalt step, I feel we have reached the floor of that valley. But the reality is there is no way to go but back up. And that's a good thing. Lord give us the strength as we begin the climb...

JP

One Chapter Down, The Next One Begins

2011-12-08T19:05:00.001-08:00

To update you all, we have officially moved out of our house. Saturday morning we said goodbye to our home for the last 10 years and moved our belongings into storage in Camarillo. It was definitely emotional, but we fully expected that. Saturday afternoon we hit the road for Wisconsin by way of Arkansas to pick up Sara's mom. I flew back to California mere hours after arriving in AR on Monday afternoon, while Sara continued the trek to WI. I am staying with friends until Christmas, when I will fly to Wisconsin and bring the family back to CA. We are working on a few ideas for where to go when we get back. As soon as we have something solid, we will definitely update. Right now we are praying our way through this.

We want to thank everyone who has given us encouragement and support. You don't know how much it means to us. Back when Sara and I set out on our adoption journey, it was first a dedication of our lives fully to bringing glory to God. We knew that when the adoptions were completed, that our dedication was not to end there. So here we stand, in a place we never thought we would be in circumstances we never thought we would find ourselves in. But our call hasn't changed. And while I don't know what tomorrow holds, I am praying for courage and the faith to trust that this is all a part of that call. And knowing my personality, it was going to take something extreme like this to get me to move on and step forward to the next chapter of our story. And I am confident that this one is going to radiate His glory even more brightly than the last...

JP

Our Current Situation

2011-11-23T05:18:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,

We are in need of prayer again as we set out on our next journey in life. For those of you that have not yet heard, the county is taking our house through eminent domain. When we first heard about their project to widen Bear Valley Parkway they assured us not to worry and said that everyone on the street would be taken care of all the way through the project. There was even talk talk that they may not have to demolish our house even though the blueprints clearly marked two traffic lanes going straight through my living room. About a year ago we had our first meeting with the relocation company in which she promised us that "by law" the county was under obligation to make sure that all of our needs were met and that we would be put into "comparable housing" when the time came to move. As more meetings went on, it was made very clear to us that first of all, all of what she said in that first meeting was a lie and secondly, with what they were giving us for our house it was not going to be enough to get us into another one. We have also learned that their so-called "negotiations" are not negotiations at all. It comes down to the fact that we could take this all the way to court and the law is still on their side. It amazes me that we can live in a country where you can "own" a house, pay on it faithfully for 10 years and have it taken away from you and be given nothing (or at least a place to live) in return. I still remember vividly at the second relocation meeting asking the guy on the other side of the table, all five boys standing around me with tears streaming down my face asking him " what am I supposed to tell them?" His response... he looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. Since there were no housing options left, I asked him about apartments in which he replied "I would never live in an apartment with five boys, not after they have had a house with a big yard like yours". Anyway, I could go on and on about the injustice of it all or the ridiculus comments that he kept making like "We will need to sign off on your next housing possibility to make sure that it has suitable living conditions for your family." To which I replied sarcastically "Is my van suitable housing?" but it still comes down to this; our family is once again in very unfamiliar and scary territory. It is hard to comprehend packing up our family of seven and not even know where we are going. Our family is again desperately in need of prayer not for housing because we have amazing family and friends that have been willing to help us out, but prayer for strength and courage as we go through this tough time. It is not easy to leave the only home we as a family have ever known. There are so many happy and wonderful memories that we have made in this house. It is heartbreaking knowing that all the blood, sweat, and tears that we have put into making this our home is all for nothing. It would be one thing if we were selling and another family could come in to enjoy the house we have made but to have everything demolished to dust is sometimes too painful to think about. I keep telling myself "It's sticks and bricks" and that's all it is, but it's still hard. We are supposed to be packing up the first load in the U-Haul trailer today to bring to storage and I just can't get up the strength to do it. I see Jeremy struggle to get up in the morning trying to put on a face of courage to hold the incredible load that is on his shoulders to lead this family. I see Isaac who in his 12 year old innocence doesn't see why we can't "just buy another house". He is torn up about having to leave all of his friends and activities and his biggest passion of all his drums because there is now no place for him to play them. What can I say to him besides "I'm so sorry". It's heartbreaking, and I know he is in a time of his life when he is starting to formulate opinions (especially of his dad) and I would hate to think that he thought we weren't doing everything in our power to provide for him. And then there's Elijah. I can't even begin to write about all that is happening inside that poor boy's head. I have been packing for weeks now and still everyday he will ask me what I am doing and why. He is so confused and obviously no matter how many times I try to explain it he still doesn't get it. He asked me the other day how I was going to get the paint off to the wall to pack it. He walks around the house in a daze not knowing what he is supposed to do. The other day he took a baseball bat to his wagon because in his words "he needed to ruin something". And the other boys... Well, Benjamin puts on a very brave face and tries to encourage everyone and yet I know inside he is hurting, Ethan cries at the drop of a hat, and Micah is just 2 and into EVERYTHING. Every box that I thought I had just packed is suddenly unpacked or missing items. I am so sorry to be writing all of this, I am usually not so vulnerable with my thoughts and emotions but it seems the enormity of the situation has got the best of me this morning and I have suffered a bit of emotional diarrhea.

Anyway, I just wanting to update everyone on our situation as it stands right now. Our move out date is Dec. 3. After selling a good deal of our possessions to try to pay for our moving expenses (the county doesn't pay for this until AFTER the move) we will be storing the rest of our stuff in storage until we get back on our own again. Our future is unknown to us right now but, I know that we serve a strong and mighty God, and I KNOW that He still has a plan for our family. I can't quite see that plan clearly yet, but what I do know is that He is still in control. The plans that we have made or have tried to make may have all fallen apart, but He holds it all together. Our family could really use your prayers right now especially around this time of year making things even more difficult. Thank you again for supporting us through the years praying us through another journey in our life where ever that may lead us.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

Sara

Many Kinds of Hooves

2011-11-16T21:15:00.001-08:00

Day 1

Now

Two days ago, it was exactly 1 year ago that we met Micah for the first time. I can't believe that it has already been that long! So much has happened. Yet it has all happened so fast. So many things have changed. New, major changes are on the brink. This journey most definitely continues. Our family is preparing to embark on another adventure. More about that later. For now, know that we are still trying to follow that "light unto our path" to the best of our abilities.

Micah is doing extremely well (praise God!). He is the funniest, naughtiest, cutest, smiliest, cuddliest, goofiest, naughtiest, exasperatingest (yeah, I'm making up words), busiest, chubbiest, playfulest, naughtiest little moose ever to clop his hooves on American soil. We love him like crazy, and he returns the favor (the crazy part and the love part). Our family wouldn't have been complete without him. What a joyful, bumpy road we ride.

While the adoption chapter has been closed, we have quill and ink to the parchment and are beginning to scratch out the first few pages of a new chapter. I thought that when we finished the adoptions we were going to have a little time to relax. A "siesta" you could call it. But apparently God's kingdom isn't anything like Mexico (though I hope to find "California Burritos" on heaven's menu). I keep reading the Bible to find the part where it says that we can stop working, but every indication is that I'm going to have to stop breathing to reach that place. While sometimes it seems like I'm on the fast track to arriving there sooner than I had expected (I'm already bidding farewell to the hair and the circles under my eyes aren't getting any smaller), I'm guessing I'm still a long way off. There's work yet to be done. There's a world of blank pages out there to be filled. May the words it contains be words of Truth. Words of Life. Words of Hope...

JP

Encouragement for Those Still Fighting

2011-08-31T16:24:00.000-07:00

In response to hearing of the end of two adoption stories in the same day (one through the chat group and one with a close friend), I felt that I needed to offer a word of encouragement to all adoptive families. My heart is broken. For the adoptive families. For the children struggling to thrive. For those trying to repair just a few small pieces of this broken world we live in. So this goes out to those still fighting the battle with their children. Those that feel like they are banging their heads against a wall. Those struggling each morning to get up and start another day. May the wisdom in the words of the Lord be an encouragement to you.

“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” 1 Peter 4:12-13.

Peter is referring to spiritual persecution in this verse. However, anyone that has been involved in adoption, especially adoption from a Russian orphanage knows full well that there is heavy spiritual warfare going on, the kind that we are not used to seeing here in the U.S.. And it does not end once we get home with our children. In the face of the daily “persecution” that we have endured in the 3 ½ years we have been home with Elijah, a common reaction has been to wonder why God would have us go through this hardship. Maybe we were wrong when we believed that it was “God’s will” to pursue Elijah’s adoption. But then I open the Bible. And I see a book replete with suffering. Abraham is asked by God to sacrifice his son, Isaac. Joseph is sold by his brothers into slavery. David is being pursued by King Saul. The Israelites are exiled from their homeland. Paul is imprisoned. Stephen is stoned. Jesus is tortured and executed. And the story has not ended there. Jews were slaughtered by Hitler. Jim Eliot and friends murdered. Christians in numerous countries have been persecuted, tortured, and killed. And to those who have chosen the road of adoption, the spiritual battle continues daily in the home. Sara has endured physical and emotional abuse, as well as permanent hearing loss in her right ear from the screaming. The brothers have been hit, yelled at, and had their possessions destroyed. Food has flown. The home stress level has grown exponentially. Our marriage has been pushed to the brink. Our faith has often times seemed dim at best. But then we remember the following verse:

“Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9.

I don’t believe that “the proper time” necessarily refers to any time in our life here on Earth. Don’t get me wrong. We have seen some small rewards here in Escondido. Elijah giving Sara a hug and saying “I love you” without prompting. Or Elijah being led by the Spirit to pray with his grandma at the exact moment we were sitting in court halfway across the world pleading for the life of his biological brother, Micah. But if we were to make a list, Hardships is giving Rewards a pretty hefty beating up to this point. Like watching the Los Angeles Dodgers play my 11-year-old son’s Little League team. I have read through the entire Bible, and I have yet to find the section that promises me an easy life free of suffering, for either me or my wife or my children. In fact, in all I’ve read it promises me the opposite.

“After this, Jesus went out and saw a tax collector by the name of Levi sitting at his tax booth. ‘Follow me,’ Jesus said to him, and Levi got up, left everything and followed him.” Luke 5:27-28.

Jesus asked people to “follow him”. To “take my yoke upon you and learn from me”. To do the things that he would do. As Paul said, “to speak as though God himself were speaking” through us. And his road led to suffering, and ultimately death and resurrection. I have always believed that the mission of adoption has been about following Jesus first, before any of the other purposes. Why would I expect our journey to be any different than his? And should I be surprised at the suffering? Or should I embrace it?

“Brothers and sisters, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.” James 5:10-11.

Friends. Keep fighting the battle. It is a worthy one. And in all the stories I referred to above, the end result was always the same. The name of our Lord was glorified. Yours will end the same. I’m confident of that.

Jeremy Park

The Moose is on the Loose!

2011-08-17T19:46:00.000-07:00

We are closing in on 4 months home with Micah! I have to be honest and say that it has been a zoo, with a "moose" as the main attraction. (Somewhere along that bizarre journey to nicknames, his became "moose". Sara has had the fun of nicknaming our other four boys, but I'm happy to say that this one was mine, and it has stuck. Not sure exactly where it came from, but it has something to do with body composition. 5th percentile in height, but a solid 25th in weight.) Bill Cosby said that kids cause brain damage. Well I must have my fair share because going into this adoption, I honestly thought that 5 boys wouldn't be that much different than 4. Just another chair at the table. Ha, ha! Micah likes to play with toys (and by toys I mean everything but his toys, especially those things that are sharp, breakable, expensive (not much of that around our house), important, irreplaceable, or some combination of all those things). Micah responds well to the word "no" (and by respond I mean laugh uncontrollably). Micah is very physically coordinated (and by coordinated I mean he likes to climb up on top of the table and swing the chandelier around in circles). Micah is quite the little conversationalist (and by conversation I mean a series of grunts and loud vocal outbursts reminiscent of a goose). Micah has a healthy appetite (and by healthy I mean he shovels heaping amounts of food into his mouth like he hasn't eaten in 2 weeks, cries when you eat because he thinks your taking his food, and white-knuckles his high-chair tray when you say that mealtime is finished).

Micah's first four months have been exhausting and amazing for everyone in the family. I have never seen a child who smiles as much as he does. And with his crossed eyes, it makes him about the most adorable thing you've ever seen. His laugh is contagious. His energy could power a small town. For Micah, there's no mountain (our countertop) too high. No challenge (or meal) too big. And now that he is free of the orphanage, the road before him is clear. And though it promises to be bumpy, with the Holy Spirit in his heart and his family at his side, Micah stands a fighting chance. Stand back. The Moose is on the loose!

JP

(Micah's first (2nd) Birthday Pictures)

Clue and Comedy Central

2011-06-29T17:14:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will mark the 2-month mark of being home with Micah. Up to this point, it has been a much different experience this time around versus 3 years ago with Elijah. While the time in Russia was very easy with Elijah and a struggle with Micah, the time at home has been the opposite. Micah has taken to his new home with much joy, reckless abandon, and a fair measure of purposeful naughtiness. He definitely spends more of his waking hours smiling than not. He loves his brothers, and they have taken to him as well. He is gentle with Brinkley, our now 9-year-old Golden Retriever, and wants to be with people all the time (even if they would prefer a little alone time).

But as any parent of a two-year-old knows, it is not all cupcakes and Chuck E. Cheese's around here. Let's just say that if we were playing a game of Clue, the culprit would be Micah, in every room, with his own two hands. The boy wants to touch EVERYTHING! And when you tell him no, you'd think he was watching Comedy Central. He's just now starting to get the lay of the land, so it has slowed down a bit. But turn your back on him for one second and he's out the back door and halfway across the yard on the Incredible Journey. And the eating.....and eating....and eating....and eating. If we didn't say "when", I honestly believe that his belly would explode. (How does one go about explaining a large, gaping abdominal hole to a social worker on homevisit?) We've never had a football player in the family. Hmmm.....

He is just starting to talk. Watch the video below to see a little "mama" and "dada". Hope you enjoy!

JP

A New Life Begins

2011-05-03T16:11:00.000-07:00

We're Home!!!!!!

OK. Let me back up. The visit to the U.S. Embassy in Russia went without a hitch. There were about 6 families there with kids ready to head home (Micah was the cutest....ok, of course I would say that). The visit took about 1 1/2 hours, and then we were off to sightseeing again. We ventured to a place that was supposed to have been the summer home for czars and Peter the Great, but after walking around for a while and getting nothing but a "nyet" from people when we tried to ask how to get where we were going, we couldn't find it and headed back to downtown Moscow and walked a different route. I couldn't believe the expensive stores. Rodeo Drive in Moscow.

We got up early Saturday morning to pack and were down in the lobby for our pick-up at 9:30am for our flight leaving at 1pm. At 9:45 we started to worry. A quick call to our coordinator, and he informed us that our driver was going to be late. About 10:15. He eventually made it, apologized profusely (his alarm clock battery went dead and he overslept), and we were off. We made it through security with an hour to spare, and after a quick lunch we were on our way home.

Micah did very well on the plane. He slept about an hour out of the first two for his nap. Then he ate and played for a little while. At about 6 hours into the flight, we gave him a little sleepy help and made a makeshift bed out of the airplane blankets and pillows for him on the floor by our feet. It took him about an hour, and then he fell asleep. He didn't wake up until about 5 hours later when we were descending for landing at LAX. It was windy coming in, which made the ride a little more exciting, but we made it down safely. Then 1 3/4 hours in passport control and baggage getting his visa stamped and getting him entered into the country as an official U.S. Citizen. But coming out of the ramp and seeing the boys waiting for us was priceless. They ran from behind the barrier to greet us in the middle of the entryway, and there were many hugs all around. There's nothing that compares to that feeling. We had reunion time with family at Round Table Pizza ten minutes from the airport, and then drove home in the "new" van, a full family again plus one.

Transition has gone extremely well. We took him to Shelter Island in San Diego the day after we arrived (tradition since we did the same with Elijah when we got home 3 years ago) and played on the play equipment and looked at the boats (he decided that he doesn't like F18's when they take off though). Next day we went to the beach. He wouldn't go near the water and loved sucking on his sandy thumbs. Overall, it has been a pretty smooth transition. The boys love him, and he has taken to them very quickly. He even likes the dog (just doesn't know the difference between petting and clobbering on the head).

I was reminded today of the song Steven Curtis Chapman wrote after his child's adoption, "When Love Takes You In". The line "When love takes you home and says you belong here". "The loneliness ends and a new life begins". There is so much truth to that. While this feels like the end of Micah's adoption story, this is only the beginning of the story of his life. There are so many new things for him to experience. So many places to go where he never would have gone. So many things to do that he never would have had an opportunity to do. And, most importantly, starting his relationship with the Lord who brought him home...

Thanks for all your prayers. Now the real journey begins...

JP

Almost Finished!

2011-04-28T21:50:00.000-07:00

Hey friends! Sorry about the delay in updates. We are in Moscow now with more limited internet access. One hour of internet goes by fast when you have to catch up with your boys back home. We left Krasnoyarsk early Wednesday morning and arrived in Moscow early Wednesday morning (long day). The flight went about as well as you could hope for a kid in a strange place with strange people on an airplane for the first time. We had time to kill that day, so we went out in search of a stroller to do some sightseeing. Our search yielded nothing as the famous children's mall in Moscow has apparently been closed for 3 years for renovation (we didn't find this out until after we got there). So instead, since we were almost there already, we continued on to Red Square. Little dude doesn't much like to be carried by daddy, and mommy's arms can only handle so much. Mix that with that fact that everyone was a little crabby from getting up at 3:45 in the morning, it wasn't the most fun time any of us have ever had. But we survived, and it was good to get out.

Micah had his visit from the doctor here at the room. We were informed that he was a favored son at the orphanage, and that he was obviously used to getting what he wants (we didn't need to pay $200 to find that one out). We finally found a stroller at another mall yesterday, so we were able to do more sightseeing, and it was a much more enjoyable time for everyone. We even got to see a few things that we didn't last time.

Later this morning we have our visit with the embassy to get his visa. That should go fine, and we should be ready to head home tomorrow. Our boys arrived back in Escondido just a few hours ago and are happy to be home. We can't wait to see them in a couple of days.

JP

Almost In 'N Out Burger

2011-04-25T07:25:00.000-07:00

Our first 2 full days with Micah Aleksandr are complete and have been wonderful! He is settling in a ton better than we ever could have hoped given our experience during the 10 day waiting period. As expected, he is still very much preferring mommy for the bulk of his interaction, but I have been carrying him the bulk of the time that we go out and have been changing him and helping him get dressed, and he is responding better and better as time goes on. I know that it is going to take time, and I am more patient than he thinks. I can wait this thing out a lot longer than he can. He’ll cave soon enough and realize that playing with daddy is pretty cool (at least I think it is…and four other brothers can’t be wrong). We have stayed pretty close to the apartment for the most part, although we have gone out a couple of times both days for walks just to get some fresh air (we use that term loosely, between the smog, cigarette smoke, the wind blowing dust and trash everywhere, and the copious amounts of smoke as people are burning the dead brush in their yards and fields). We braved the cold and wind to feed the pigeons yesterday, but apparently the pigeons didn’t get the memo that we were coming, or maybe it was too cold for them and we were the idiots here. So that ended up being just a walk in the stroller. Today we have the privilege of spending the afternoon with our friends, the Loomans’. I got schooled by their boys in soccer, ran races against their two new goats, ate hamburgers that tasted as close to home as you’ll get in Siberia (not In ‘N Out Burger, but wonderful nevertheless), looked at baseball cards with their son and regaled him with stories of Jose Canseco getting hit on the head with the baseball and having it go over the fence for a home run, my wiffle ball career, and a play-by-play of Kirk Gibson’s dramatic (no, dare I say epic) home run in Game 1 of the 1988 World Series against the Oakland A’s (brings tears to my eyes just writing about it). Something tells me he didn’t find it quite as exciting as I did. But he was a good sport and played along. We had an opportunity at the end of the evening to pray for each other’s future journey as we continue to seek the Lord’s guidance in where we can serve Him best in the future, wherever that might be.

As we were driving home, I reminisced about the amazing things we had an opportunity to do in Krasnoyarsk this time around, and mentioned that I was bummed that I didn’t get a chance to ride on a Russian city bus. Tim, who was giving us a ride home, took me seriously and dropped me off at the bus stop, and I rode through two stops and got off. I set up Elmo and was all ready to take the picture when I found that the batteries in the camera were dead! Bummer. But I have the ticket to prove it. I had two buses to choose from, and chose the less crowded and creepy-looking one. I know, I’m a wimp. Tomorrow we are planning on laying low, packing, and getting ready to go. I pick up Micah’s passport tomorrow and it’s off early Wednesday morning to Moscow. Can’t believe we’re almost finished…

The Beginning of the Firsts

2011-04-23T06:44:00.000-07:00

It is finished! The 10-day wait period is over, and Micah Aleksandr Park is now a part of our family! We left around 9am for the orphanage. We were informed along the way that we would not get to dress Micah at the orphanage (which we were able to do for Elijah). We were bummed about this, but so much of this experience has been different than the last time around, so we just accepted it as par for the course. He was super cute coming down the hall decked out in his jacket and hat, even though it was slated to be over 80 degrees today. We exchanged gifts with the orphanage director and his caretakers, snapped a few pictures, and we were in the van. We were expecting pretty much an hour straight of crying in the van, but he slept for most of it. They usually give the kids anti-nausea medication before they leave, so I'm sure that's what made him tired. But when he was awake, he was very content to look at the passing cars and watch the scenery fly by.

We were unsure what to expect when we got the apartment, so we just decided to play it by ear. The afternoon was wonderful! We fed him lunch, and he ate perfectly, letting Sara feed him as we had planned. We took a nice, long walk after lunch. He let me carry him most of the way, even laying his head on my shoulder for at least half of it. It was a very special time because that is the closest he has let me get to him all trip! We played a little in the park and at the playground here at the apartment as well. He ate dinner perfectly, bathtime was a success, and Sara rocked him to sleep to end the day. We couldn't have hoped or prayed for a better first day with Micah.

He still would fall back into crying occasionally, and we know that as days go by the honeymoon period will end, but today was a great start and really gave us the boost we needed to make it through the last 7 days here until we get home. It is a wonderful feeling to know that Micah's new life is beginning, and that he has so many firsts ahead of him. I consider it an honor that the Lord chose us to walk with him through them...

JP

No More #15

2011-04-22T05:02:00.000-07:00

Micah in his room

Tomorrow's the big day!

We had two days to ourselves without any trips to the orphanage. Wednesday we spent just getting some rest and doing some souvenir shopping, a task that we knew would be easier minus one little one. Very relaxing! Thursday was a wonderful day! We finally made contact with Constantin, one of the pastors of the Baptist Church here in Kras that we had learned about through a friend back home in the States. He and his family have also been working with Campus Crusade for Christ for the better part of 10+ years. He has moved on from working with college-aged kids to working with business-people, sharing with them that there is more to life than just working and making money. It was a wonderful afternoon. They graciously invited us to their home for lunch. The food was amazing and the company was even better! His wife and two girls are wonderful, and it was so exciting to hear what the Lord has done in their lives and what He is presently doing in the birthplace of our two boys. The afternoon flew by, and I am sure we overstayed our welcome, but it was so engaging that we didn't want to leave. We were even given a mini tour of their home by the girls, ages 11 and 6, which included the two family hamsters and their art collection (rather extensive seeing as the girls are the artists...and very good I might add). They even gave us a piece for free that they made for Easter to give to our boys. The highlight was getting to hear Constantin (who is the worship leader for the church) play piano and sing "How Great Thou Art" in Russian. It was absolutely amazing! Then being able to pray for them and their ministry with the people of Krasnoyarsk was a privilege I won't soon forget.

We visited Micah today, the last time before we pick him up on Saturday. We got to go with his caretaker to get his pictures taken for his passport and visa. This made things easier, since we normally have to do the visa pictures in Moscow right after getting off the plane (there are usually no smiles for that one...although in typical Russian fashion there were no smiles for this one either). We also got to see his room, which was incredible. It is such a complex range of emotions that we feel when we see our childrens' rooms. To see their roommates (such adorable little kids), the bed where they sleep, their bathtub, and even the potty they use (even that's adorable). Wow! It's hard to put it into words. Everything is numbered to keep things organized with the children. Micah is #15.

Tomorrow morning we bring Micah Aleksandr out of the orphanage for good. It is a crazy mix of emotional ingredients. Part excitement, part fear. A dash of sorrow and a heaping scoop of joy. #15 is going home. The crib with his number on the headboard is going to be empty tomorrow night. The little #15 tags are getting pulled off Wednesday and Sunday on the bath chart. Potty #15 is going to be dry. And the nametag on his closet that says Belousov Aleksandr is getting pulled down for good. And for that I will praise God forever. Unfortunately, in a few days, weeks, maybe months there will be a new #15. And for that I grieve. Please pray with me that another family will step up and take in the next #15. Better yet, please pray with me that as the Lord changes the hearts of the people here in Krasnoyarsk through people like Constantin, there will be no more #15's...

JP

Group #9

Potty #15

Crib #15

Not Exactly BFF's, but Making Progress...

2011-04-19T20:12:00.000-07:00

Visit #6 went much better. He still did a lot of crying, but not nearly as much as previous trips, and mostly it was just grumpy, “I don’t want to be here” moaning and groaning. Not “I’m in mortal peril” crying. His bonding with Sara is growing noticeably every day. He loves to sit in her lap, and will put his head back and relax. He loves it when he sits in her lap and she rocks him back and forth. It is wonderful to see this kind of bonding happening already in the orphanage. It is more than we saw from Elijah when we were visiting him. He and daddy are not exactly BFF’s yet, but we are making progress there too. Every trip I pick him up and hold him and walk with him, even though I know he doesn’t want me to. And this past trip especially, there were a few times when he stopped crying and just relaxed. So good news all the way around.

We know that the major obstacles for him right now are that he is so attached to his “home”. With that knowledge, we are confident that this attachment will transition over to his new home. We just have to get there. The waiting this time is a little bit harder because we know that we need to have him in our “around the clock” care before we can start truly making our transition. And we just found out yesterday that we don’t get to take him out until Saturday (we got to take Elijah out on Friday last time), which we were bummed about. So we are going to take the next two days off from going to the orphanage, visit on Friday, and then pick him up on Saturday. Please continue to keep us in prayer.

On a completely unrelated note, we are purchasing a van (or rather my father is purchasing one on our behalf) while here in Siberia (for use at home, of course). If you remember from a past blog post before we left, we limped into the finish line here with our car spewing oil every time we drive it and the van barely working. We had to drive up to my parents’ house in 3^rd gear in our van because the transmission was shot. Last week the estimate for fixing it came back. With all that is wrong with it, the grand total was going to be around $5000. Considering we paid $3000 for it in the first place, that was a tough sell. So we started looking from here (you’ve got to love the internet) and found a van just 15 minutes from my parents’ house. It is a ’96, but only has 71K miles on it. In great condition. 12 passenger van size, but seats 8 comfortably with a ton of cargo space in the back. And for only $4800, less than it would cost to fix our van, it’s a steal! We will have a “new” vehicle waiting for us when we return. Another blessing to be sure!

One Day at a Time

2011-04-18T17:55:00.000-07:00

Visit #5 with Micah was probably the toughest one yet. Except for a 10-minute spell while Sara was rocking him in her lap, he cried the entire time. We were in a different room this time with similar play equipment, just smaller. It was one of their “sensory” rooms. The bright colors and lights are supposed to be stimulating to the kids, but I can’t help but think that they make a person just want to leave as quickly as possible. There was a window open, but with no cross breeze it quickly got very warm, what with holding a squirming, crying child and all. Once his 2-hour prison sentence with us was finished, Sara was able to walk with him back to his room. His room is on the third floor, and he led her straight down the hall, around the corner, and up three flights of stairs right to his room. Upon entering, he sat down, took off his shoes, and he was off like a rocket to whatever his room had to hold. No “paca, paca”. Just gone.

I’m thankful that Sara and I have experienced adoption before, because if this was our first time I don’t know how we would be anything other than super disappointed. As it is, we are still struggling with the fact that he doesn’t seem to be relaxing at all with us. The psychiatrist at the orphanage said that he is extremely attached to his caretakers, which is great news for us in the future. Unfortunately, it makes now extremely difficult. We second-guess whether we should visit him in the orphanage at all or just hang tight until we pick him up for good. I’m sure he doesn’t enjoy crying for 2 hours, and certainly it’s no picnic for us either. But we are taking it a day at a time, and praying for wisdom along the way. We are pretty certain though that if today’s visit is like yesterday’s, we will forego the final 2 visits and just pick him up on Friday. We will keep you posted as to how the day goes…

At Home Halfway Around the World

2011-04-17T19:12:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was another great day. We were fortunate enough to get attend church service in the morning at a Baptist church here in Krasnoyarsk. The building looked very much the authentic Russian church building, but without the icons and incense filling the inside. Instead, there was the familiar sight of modern-day sound and video equipment, a traditional choir up in front and four singers, piano, and violin. There was a lot of worship singing (no Chris Tomlin, though), a kid’s message about Palm Sunday, more singing, baby dedication, marital engagements, more singing, a wonderful message about the importance of the young people in the church, more singing, announcements, and I think more singing. All together a 2 hour and 15 minute affair, and I loved every minute of it. I raised my hand when asked if there were any new visitors, and I received a New Testament and Psalms in Russian (a Bible was actually the one souvenir I really wanted on this trip!). I even was approached during the service by a man who came from all the way on the other side of the church to tell me that he hadn’t seen me in 20 years and to find out how I was doing. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t here when I was 13, but I shook his hand and thanked him anyway. The message was from Mark 10, about Jesus rebuking the disciples for not letting the children come to him, and then telling them “…anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” Being here in Russia ministering to the needs of a little child, I could relate perfectly. Sara and I had a long conversation later that evening about the young generation here needs to spark the church here to make an impact. There is still much work to be done here.

Following church, I got the privilege of riding in the back seat with my two new friends, Steven and Jonathan, as we talked about sports and I explained to them the finer points of a California Burrito (they didn’t seem nearly as excited as I was). We were going to have a picnic outside, but the stiff wind coming off the river and the sprinkles that began to fall forced a retreat back to the home of our new friends, Tim and Iris, instead. We also got to meet Sy, who was just united with his new mom and grandmother as they begin the journey home and he begins his new life outside the orphanage. He is 2 ½ and super sweet. I couldn’t believe his vocabulary, either. The boy could practically carry on a conversation. Elijah was the same age when we picked him up and all we could get out of him was “nyet”. And if crying is talking then I guess Micah has a great vocabulary, but I can’t make heads or tails of it. It was just a blessing watching Sy play with Steven and Jonathan. That little boy’s going to do alright. We spent the afternoon visiting with friends, and I got to play a little Siberian baseball in the backyard. No Little League here. Maybe I should come back and start something up. We didn’t want the afternoon to end. It’s amazing how you can feel at home halfway around the world when you are with friends.

We are excited to begin a new week with Micah. We will be bringing him out of the orphanage on Friday. Wow! We are praying for some big-time progress with him this week, and can’t wait for the big day. The other boys had a wonderful day at Silver Dollar City Amusement Park in Branson, Missouri, and are on the road heading north to Minnesota as we speak. More updates to come soon…

JP

Stolby

2011-04-16T18:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we had the incredible opportunity to hike up to Stolby Forest just outside of Krasnoyarsk. Our new friends here arranged for one of their friends, a cab driver named Andrey, to give us a ride to the park and back. Saved us from taking the bus, which is an adventure in itself. Andrey apologized for his poor English, which was light-years better than our Russian. We had a nice conversation. He is a man with a truly wonderful heart. The drive instead of taking the bus saved us about 1 1/2 miles of hiking each way, which was nice. But we still had our work cut out for us. When I say we hiked "up" to Stolby, that's exactly what it was. UP! Just to get to the first of the beautiful rock formations was at least 3 miles up hill. The morning started out frigid with the sun not yet overhead. Snow was still very much on the ground and the road up was covered in slush. We were feeling fairly underdressed in tennis shoes, pants, and a fleece over a t-shirt. But we quickly warmed up as the blood started pumping. An absolutely beautiful hike up to the pillars (Stolby means "pillar" in Russian). We ate lunch on one of the rocks, thought about climbing up one of the big pillars and then thought better of it (found out later from Andrey that the memorial we saw at the base of the park was for all the people that have died at Stolby from falling off the rocks. Good call after all.). We took a bunch of pictures, including some of Elmo rock climbing and making a snowman, and just enjoyed every second we were there. We slipped and slid our way down the trail heading back and the legs felt the burn by the time we reached the bottom. We had a truly wonderful day, and we are looking forward to going to church this morning with friends and having lunch afterward. With all this fun, we are not going to want to come home...

JP

Daddy TV

2011-04-15T18:03:00.000-07:00

Trips #3 and #4 to the orphanage have been very similar. Micah is still very much the scared little boy at this point. Both visits start and end with crying. Visit #3 was spent mostly watching what we have called “Daddy TV”, in which I find any number of goofy games to play while he sits on mommy’s lap and watches from a distance. This particular episode included me bowling over plastic pins with a rubber ball and juggling. Episode #4 of the show included the balancing of rubber rings on my head. Visit #3 we got to give (or rather attempt to give) him his snack, some sort of oatmeal with a glaze on top and tea, but that wasn’t happening. His caretaker finally got him to eat it when she came in to pick him up. Visit #4 included his lunch, where we watched him feed himself while the caretaker helped him. This meal included the following: a full bowl of borsch (a beet soup), a full plate of mashed potatoes with vegetables, two large slices of bread and a cup of juice, all eaten with a spoon about the size of his head. I got full just watching him. We are both thankful that we have done this before and understand how these transitions can work, because it is a fight not to get a little discouraged at the slow rate of progress. But there is still progress. The first visits, no goodbyes. Just “get me outta’ here” as quickly as possible. Now, as familiarity grows, we get goodbye’s when we leave and a lot more physical interaction. But as long as there still is another place and another caretaker to go to, we will never really make the necessary progress. We are looking forward to the week we will have him only in our care before we return home. I believe that is when we will take our biggest strides.

We have been keeping ourselves very busy here, experiencing a ton more than we did the past three times we’ve been here. On Tuesday night we attended a professional basketball game, complete with 3 American players. The local team, “Yenesi”, won by one point. They were losing for the entire game, then took the lead with 17 seconds to go. It was pretty exciting for all involved, because they’ve only won 9 out of over 30 games all season. That was #10! We have done a lot more exploring. We found the flea market. We’ve hiked to the top of the hill with the church on it and that houses the “Russia” sign (Krasnoyarsk’s equivalent of the Hollywood sign). We explored the mall yesterday. The entire bottom floor was just shoes! I’m not kidding. Shoes! I have never seen so many shoes in all my life! Last night we attended our first ballet. In Russia of all places. It was amazing! And at only about $8 a seat for nice, center seats, we couldn’t beat it. No, I’m not ashamed to admit it. I enjoyed the ballet!

No orphanage trips this weekend, so we are going to do some more sightseeing and hopefully attend church on Sunday. The boys landed safely in Arkansas yesterday, so they are excited to spend the last part of their trip with Sara’s parents, visiting cousins and fishing and all that. Thanks for all your continued prayers. Only 2 weeks until we return home!

Elmo catching a basketball game

Daddy feeding his way into Micah's heart

The Russian Ballet

Good Gifts

2011-04-13T19:06:00.000-07:00

Day 1 as Micah’s parents has officially come and gone. We got to visit him in the orphanage, still 10 days from bringing him out for good. And both Sara and I believe that the wait is a blessing in disguise. We are going to need every minute of time we have with him during those 10 days. Our visit was in the afternoon again, just the second visit since we have been back in Russia. And apparently he remembered that he was dropped off two days ago with strange people, because as he rounded the staircase and caught sight of the doorway of the playroom where we were waiting for him, he put on the breaks, stiffening both legs and looking very much like a waterskier as his slick-soled sandels scraped across the tile floor. Voicing his displeasure, he entered the room ultimately in the arms of his caretaker. Much of the visit proceeded in like fashion. He spent the better part of the first hour crying. A hefty portion of his apprehension was supplied by yours-truly. (That’s what I live for. Scaring small children. I thought the Halloween monster mask with blood-tinged fangs was a good idea. The perfect ice-breaker). The response is really not much different than it was with Elijah, except Micah is about 6 months younger than Elijah was and as a result, is just a touch more apprehensive. But once I relegated myself to one corner of the room assembling a collection of Cinderella puzzles (I killed those bad boys so fast!), he settled down and began to play. It was from this vantage point that I was able to catch on camera his first smiles as Sara tickled him.

As the afternoon progressed, I was able to work my way closer to him, much like a Navy SEAL, belly crawling behind foam-filled couches and ducking behind stacked foam blocks, occasionally peeking from behind to see that I was not spotted. With a wall of multi-colored blocks as a barrier, I slowly extended the video camera out from behind, training the lens on Micah sitting in Sara’s lap. I then angled the viewfinder towards me, using it as a periscope so that I could watch my son play. By the end of our visit though, I was able to come out from behind the wall, and we rolled a small ball back and forth together as I cherished every toss. At this point, they are the little things that are so important. But you should have seen him when the door opened and his caretaker stepped in. GAME OVER! Remember the cartoons where Scooby-Do and Shaggy would be frightened by something popping up behind them? They would jump up and their feet would start running franticly before they even touched the ground? Got the mental picture? Yeah, pretty much like that. No “good-bye”. Just “get me outta here, man!” (or the Russian equivalent).

If you have read this blog before, you know that this is the part where I wax philosophical on you. Much like Fred Rogers from the popular Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood children’s show would take off his “house shoes” and put his loafers back on, throw the old-man coat over his sweater while singing “It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood…”, I can’t wrap up this episode without it. You would somehow feel slighted. Taken advantage of. Ripped off. I just don’t think I could live with myself knowing that I caused you so much pain. So here goes. I know on the surface it could sound like Micah’s response this past visit was negative. A bad sign. And while unfortunate, I don’t know how anyone could realistically expect anything different. The orphanage is my son’s home. His small room is his whole world. His caretakers are his mom and dad. His playmates are his brothers and sisters. At this moment, who am I? A stranger. Someone to be feared. What is the playroom where we visit him? Just a place where he feels alone and scared. Here’s where the truth of our life and God come into clear focus. All of us at many different times in our lives and in myriad ways are Micah. We are comfortable and safe in our own little rooms where everything is familiar. We confuse safety with happiness, and therefore we live lives of perceived contentment. Then there is God. He’s like me, Micah’s father (for the sake of analogy…don’t go screaming blasphemy just yet). He knows the life that He has for us outside our little world. A home, a family, hope, a future, joy like we have never experienced before that would make what we have settled for as happiness in our little room seem like a solitary light bulb compared to the light of the sun. But we are scared of the unknown. So we lock our knees in defiance and fear. But that room is the place where God meets us in our own lives and gives us a little taste of what His family is like. We’ve been in that room before. And we have been scared, so we have cried to return to our own safe world, despite the world of unknown and never-before-dreamed-of joy and fulfillment that is available to us if we just trusted the one wiser than us. The good news for Micah is that 9 days from now, regardless of his choice we are going to step into his life and take him out of his little world to his home where he will grow and thrive, where he will never be alone, where he will belong forever. With God, we have to choose to leave the room with Him. How many times have you been in the room with Him, only to run back out the door? Sacrificed joy for safety? Traded freedom for the prison of your four walls because it’s all you know? If you believe that Sara and I know what’s best for Micah, why wouldn’t the creator of the universe know what is best for the children he loves and gave his life for?

“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:11

"You Win!"

2011-04-11T23:59:00.000-07:00

This morning came with prayer already on my lips. We had spent hours the night before taking and studying notes of answers to potential questions from the judge. We quizzed each other, bouncing questions back and forth like ping pong. By the time we reached bedtime, we were pretty happy with the responses that we had prepared. But the nerves started to kick in at first light, and the praying began. With first court hearing of the day, we only had time to eat breakfast and get dressed before it was time to go. We quizzed each other again all through breakfast, showering, and dressing. Then one last prayer time, and we were out the door and waiting on the steps to the apartment for our drive to the courthouse.

Though cool enough outside to see your breath, the sun was shining bright and felt warm on my face. I looked up at the sky and soaked in the sun, and a peace settled over me. I knew that so many people back home were praying for Aleksandr, and that we had done all the Lord had called us to do up to this point. We were ready. I knew the prayers had started.

The van came nearly 15 minutes late (traffic), and we sped to court (with much honking by our driver...and I think a few illegal turns). It was minutes after we arrived that we were whisked into the courtroom. This one was downstairs, and was a much smaller room with 5 desks and some basement-style windows in one corner. The Russian seal sat over the desk that would be the judge's, and a Russian flag adorned the wall next to it, serving both as monument and it appeared to cover some sort of electrical box in the wall. The prosecutor sat on the desk on the left, the court reporter on the right, and the Ministry of Education representative and Orphanage Director at the table to our right. Sara and I sat next to our interpreter at the table on the left. As I sat staring at the Seal, I felt an overwhelming sense that everything was going to be ok. I could feel the prayers at that moment, and I smiled. I took a deep breath, and lifted up the court hearing one more time.

I spent the next 45 minutes answering a barrage of questions, starting with what in the name of Siberia would possess a family of 6 to even dream of adopting another child. Uhh.....in my mind I'm asking myself the same thing. That's how it began, and it quickly turned to questions of finances, the banking crisis in America, savings for college, homeschooling, our house, and the kids' social lives. This was the same judge we had last time. She is extremely fair and good-natured, but she gets to the point. And she cares about these kids. She even toyed with me by having me sit down, thinking I was finished, and then making me get up again to answer more questions (how cruel!).

Sara's questioning was much shorter, with Sara becoming emotional at one point and breaking into tears relating a story about how Elijah came up to her one day and declared "I love brothers!" I think this scored a few points with the judge. After the Orphanage Director and Ministry of Education representative spoke to the judge on our behalf, giving their approval, we were asked to leave the room for just a few short minutes. A few more prayers, and we were back in. The judge began to read the conclusions. I waited for the words, and then I heard them. "Court grants the petition of adoption" and tears welled up in my eyes. I'm not sure what she said after that. All I know is we said thank you in a daze as the judge exited the room. We thanked the prosecutor and court reporter, as well as the Ministry of Education rep and Orphanage Director, and we were out. We quickly exited the court building, not wanting to give anyone any time to change their mind. As we walked through the doors, our coordinator turned to us, threw her arms up and said "You Win!" I guess that sums it up.

One more to leave you with. A few days before we left, Sara walked into Elijah's room and saw him sitting on the floor with his hands crossed and his eyes shut. As she entered the room, she asked him what he was doing. He replied "I'm praying for Micah." Ok, two to leave you with. Here is a story related to me just an hour after court by my mother, who is watching the boys. It was 7:45pm west coast time, which was 10:45am for us, right about the time Sara was standing up making her plea for Aleksandr. My mother was putting Elijah to bed, and he turned to her and said, "We need to pray." With no prompting from my mother, he began to pray for Micah and the adoption. Let me ask you something. Do you believe that prayer works? And do you believe that God speaks to people? My hope from all of this is that you would realize that God is at work through his people. He speaks to his people today just as clearly as he did in the days of Moses. Two little brothers are going to be united in a home that loves the Lord and will forever tell them that God loves them because His people believed in miracles, and chose to be a part of one. Thank you!

JP

Relief!

Elmo giving the "thumbs up" to the court decision.

If It Doesn't Break Your Heart...

2011-04-11T06:15:00.000-07:00

We finally got to see Aleksandr again this afternoon! It was a wonderful visit. Pretty much what we expected. He probably cried a little more that we had hoped, but he was very willing to receive comfort from Sara and showed her a lot of affection. As for me, as we all know I'm a big, scary bald guy so I don't hold it against him. I can't believe how similar he is to his brother! The same games we play in the orphanage. He even eats the same. I swear we could watch video on Elijah's adoption and not know the difference (except no yellow tights and girly outfits with frills and lace for Aleksandr). We got some great pictures and video. We got to show the orphanage director pictures of Elijah from home. We even saw his framed picture that we brought last trip still sitting on her desk. She loved the pictures. If only we could just submit those to court. We'd get a "da" no problem. On the drive to and from the orphanage we were coached on questioning from the court. We are pretty confident of the responses we are going to give. We just hope that none of the documents pose any problems with the judge. We spent the rest of the evening taking notes and practicing our responses. Now it is time to try to get some sleep and get up early to practice some more while we get dressed and ready to go.

Meeting Aleksandr today just solidified the fact that we are doing the right thing. He deserves a chance. He deserves a hope. He deserves a future. We have seen the changes in Elijah. Aleksandr deserves to have those changes too. I'm reminded of a line in a Switchfoot song. "If it doesn't break your heart, it isn't love." Love isn't always easy, and this process of loving Aleksandr has been anything but easy. And the stress over court tomorrow is not something we are enjoying right now or will be enjoying while we are going through it tomorrow. But that's exactly what makes it so right. So I will try to embrace the pain in the name of love for a little boy that just needs someone to stand up for him in a suit and tie and be a little uncomfortable for his sake...

JP

For At Least One Day

2011-04-10T17:23:00.000-07:00

Hey friends! We made it to Krasnoyarsk safely and are settled in the apartment that will be our home for the next 2 1/2 weeks. It is wonderful! Much nicer than the hotel, with kitchen for cooking and living room for relaxing. And less expensive too! Win-win! We just relaxed the first day, since we got in from Moscow at about 5am local time. We spent a few hours in the afternoon with a couple of families. One woman we met through the "People Who Have Adopted from Krasnoyarsk" Facebook group (yes, there is such a thing). She is here picking up her 2 year-old son. We also met another couple that have lived here for a number of years now and are working in country doing missions work. They lived in Temecula for a short time. Small world! We had a great time having pizza together for dinner. When you are in a country where no one else speaks your language, it is easy to feel a little alone. So those times spent with others that not only share your language but share your heart as well are extra special.

The next day we explored the city from our apartment. We are a couple of blocks from a flea market and farmer's market. We had a great time wading through the sea of booths, pretending not to hear people as they tried to sell us things. I bought a pair of sunglasses (I should have bargained but I didn't and probably paid too much) and we bought a bunch of fruits and vegetables to make fajita salad for dinner. It was tasty, and I think we are passed the cut-off for food poisoning, so I'm pretty sure we're ok. We hiked up to the top of the hill where a beautiful church is and an amazing view of the whole city. Definitely got our exercise for the day. Took some great pictures.

We are off to the orphanage today to see Aleksandr for the first time in 5 months! There is excitement mixed with trepidation as we are not sure if this is the last time we will see him or just the beginning. But we have asked people to pray while we are in court and we know that God is ultimately in control. I guess that is one of the hard parts that I've had to wrestle with. The ways of God are not always the ways of men. The knowledge that God could have a completely different plan for Aleksandr's life and ours just as likely as He could want him to be in our family is a double-edged sword. While there is a certain measure of peace in the fact that nothing can thwart what God wants for Aleksandr (a judge, our words in court, our finances), there is also a little pain in the possibility that Aleksandr might not be united with his brother. That is what is making this journey so much different than Elijah's. But I knew full well that God had new things in store for us to learn this time around, and for that I am thankful. Even though tomorrow is not promised, today for at least one day in his life we will give Aleksandr a dad and a mom. He deserves this much, this special little boy...

JP

(p.s. In case you are wondering what the deal is with all the Elmo pictures, on Elijah's adoption trips we brought Curious George so that we could put together a book, "Curious George Goes to Russia" to document Elijah's adoption journey. This time around, it's "Elmo Visit's Russia". Plus, every day that I email the boys back home I send each of them a new Elmo picture.)

Elmo at the Farmer's Market

Elmo at the church at the top of the hill.

Pine Tree Pants

2011-04-09T00:16:00.001-07:00

So we decided to take a chance and stay someplace different in Moscow. Last two times in Moscow we stayed at the Marriott Teverskaya, which I hate to say was extremely overpriced for what you got in return. So this time around we decided to try the Holiday Inn Lesnaya, just 2 blocks from the Marriott and nearly half the price. Score a win in our column. A very nice hotel, and we are definitely happy with the choice. We will definitely stay there on our return trip.

We had our medical appointments Friday morning in Moscow. A different clinic than last adoption (this one actually serves many of the government employees, and famous ones at that), but the same drill. Undressing in front of strange people speaking a strange language (what’s not to like about that?). Sara was especially uncomfortable with the breast exam by a doctor that looked an awful lot like Pee Wee Herman. But we passed with flying colors. The doctors were more disturbed that there was nothing seemingly wrong with us. We almost felt like we needed to start making stuff up to seem more “normal”.

Leaving our medical appointments, we actually saw a Russian movie star on the side of the road hailing a cab. That and a ruble will get us, well…nearly nothing but it was cool nevertheless. Got to the airport nearly 5 hours early for our flight to Krasnoyarsk, so we had a lot of time to kill. Sara actually fell asleep on the floor next to the gate, that’s how tired she was. Also, the people-watching in Moscow Airport is great. Saw a man wearing what we can only guess were some kind of camouflage pants, but instead of splotches of different earth-tones, they had pictures of pine trees on them. I’m sorry, I don’t think even a deer would be fooled by those, let alone a trained soldier. That and playing the “how does she not trip and fall in those boots” game helped pass the time.

The red-eye to Krasnoyarsk was uneventful, and we were pleased to learn of the option of staying at an apartment instead of the hotel this time. The apartment is not only cheaper, but much nicer. Full kitchen and dining room will cut down considerably on costs! We are excited to meet a couple of Americans here in Russia tonight, one doing missions work and one completing an adoption. After that, we are looking forward to a full night’s sleep and a day tomorrow to get acclimated. Then it’s off to visit Aleksandr at the orphanage on Monday and court on Tuesday.

Keep those prayers coming!

We're In Russia...again!

2011-04-07T08:15:00.000-07:00

Well, friends. We have officially arrived in Russia! It was definitely a tough parting at my parent’s house leaving the boys. I guess knowing how hard it was last time has made this time a little tougher for everyone. Our adventure actually began before we left. Our van only “kind of” works, and our intention was to rent a van to drive the kids up the coast to Ventura County to my parent’s house on Tuesday night. But when I found out how expensive it was going to be, we decided to take the chance. We didn’t get on the freeway until after 9pm, and had to do around 55mph in the slow lane the whole way because the van won’t shift out of third gear. But with a lot of prayer, we arrived safely a little after midnight, fully loaded with 6 people, 1 dog, 7 suitcases, 6 backpacks, and the dog food. It was a sight to behold.

The flight out of LAX was a little late in parting, but the flight was fairly uneventful. Out of all the movie choices we had on the plane, both Sara and I managed to pick movies that we couldn’t make it all the way through, shutting them off after about an hour. (We’ll know for the return trip.) We just got checked into our hotel room at the Holiday Inn Lesnaya. Last trip we stayed at the Marriot Teverskaya, which was extremely expensive and not worth the money. This time we picked the Holiday Inn, which is $100+ cheaper. It is very nice! Took a chance when we booked it back at home, and it is definitely worth it. We used our hot pot that we brought for the trip, heating up chicken and dumplings packed from home. Tasty! And it worked like a charm. We’ll be eating much better this time around.

We are getting ready to Skype the kids for the first time, and then it will be time to get some rest. We have our medical appointments tomorrow, so we need to start round two of prayers. I’m sure this hurdle will go ok. Immediately after our appointments, we hop a plane to Krasnoyarsk, arriving Saturday morning. It will probably be from Krasnoyarsk when we post again. Thanks for all your prayers!

(p.s. Got to listen to one of my favorite Christmas songs, “Oh Holy Night” in the van driving from the Moscow Airport to our hotel. I guess no time is bad time for Christmas songs here in Russia…)

Miracles Still Happen!

2011-03-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

I've heard some ask why miracles never happen anymore. Well, I'm here to tell you that they still do. I've seen it first hand. It started with a check for $1000 in the mail to start an adoption journey for a child we didn't even know existed. It continued with close friends giving up their vacation so that we could travel to Siberia again. Then another gave up their savings, and countless others sacrificed gifts and hard-earned money. And then, today, another miracle.

Through a set of circumstances orchestrated by God alone, we ended up this afternoon having lunch with a group of absolutely amazing people. We were invited by a couple who had just recently adopted a little boy from Russia to spend the afternoon with their family and friends. 6 different families and nearly 20 kids. Some of the warmest and most inviting people I have met. Just their company alone was enough to lift the stress of the culmination of the adoption and just life in general right now. They offered encouragement and support. They brought humor. They shared their special new boy with us. They made us feel welcome. It was a day we will never forget.

And if that wasn't enough, they all came together and agreed to give us the remaining money that we needed to complete the adoption. I can't believe I'm writing this, but our fundraising is finished! God has provided virtually the same amount of money for Aleksandr's adoption as he provided for Elijah's adoption, in less than half the time! Don't tell me miracles don't happen. Just as in the days of the early church God used the apostles to perform miracles, God continues today to use ordinary people to do miracles. I've experienced them first-hand. And to that I say, "Praise God!"

One more hurdle down...

Another Huge Yard Sale Success!

2011-03-20T16:53:00.000-07:00

Well, it was another busy week in preparation and a crazy weekend of selling, but everyone survived, and we are pleased to announce that the Lord has provided another huge blessing. We raised $1362! God never ceases to amaze at his continued provision for Aleksandr. The 4 boys were huge helpers, and a big thank you to all our family and friends who lovingly donated to help Aleksandr. We also received another $2000 in donations, making one more HUGE step closer to having the adoption fully funded! Just a little over $3400 to go! Below you'll find a short bee's-eye view of our yard sale.

On another note, we are still one document short with only 2 1/2 weeks until we are scheduled to leave. The short version of the story is the State of California is refusing to alter the wording on one of their documents to satisfy the Krasnoyarsk Court. They are giving us 2 different documents with slight variations, but we are unsure if either of them are going to work. We will hopefully receive confirmation early this week as to the nature of these documents and whether or not they are going to work. If we can't get the documents in time, we will lose our court date and have to postpone. This will cause a number of our other documents to expire and have to be redone at substantial cost and delay. Oh yeah, and a little boy will have to spend more time in the orphanage without a family. We have exhausted our options and are nearly out of time. We have not purchased visas or plane tickets, nor finalized arrangements for our 4 boys while we are away for a month. Please keep us in your prayers over the next couple of days, and I will update as soon as I have more news. Thanks for your continued interest and support of Aleksandr during this time!

JP

COURT DATE APRIL 12TH!

2011-02-19T14:11:00.000-08:00

WE HAVE A COURT DATE!

We are happy to announce that we have officially received our court date to finalize Aleksandr's adoption.

APRIL 12th!

This means that sometime in the first week of April we will be leaving for Russia, and most likely returning at the beginning of May. This gives us about 6 weeks or so to get fully prepped to go. We are still about $8000 short (every time we have taken a few steps forward, extra fees for extra documents keep pushing the number higher). But we are confident that God is going to supply everything we need. He has brought us this far.

We greeted this news with mixed feelings. While we are excited and relieved that we finally have a court date, it is much later than we were expecting. We know that God has an ultimate plan for the extra time, and we will always trust in that first. But we also know that every extra day that Aleksandr spends in the orphanage is setting him further back and making his transition to our family that much more difficult.

We are going to take advantage of the extra time and have one more yard sale. We raised nearly $1800 last yard sale, and we have had so many people contact us asking us if we were having another sale that we decided we would do one more. We pray that it is a success.

Please keep Aleksandr in your prayers during this time. That the Lord would protect his heart from more damage. That the Lord would provide the remaining funds needed to complete his adoption. That the Lord would prepare our 4 boys who will be staying home (especially Elijah) for the month without mom and dad.

Keep checking back as the number until our goal keeps going down!

JP

Frequent Railer Miles

2011-02-10T19:52:00.000-08:00

I'm going to start this post the same way I start every post these days. Sorry it has been so long since the last post.

Ok. We got that out of the way. Here's the update. Securing all the documents has proven to be a much more daunting task than with Elijah's adoption. The boys health insurance company refused to give us a letter that we need for court stating that Aleksandr was going to be eligible for health coverage and stating what those benefits would entail. Bureaucracy to the max! Nobody wants to sign their name to anything. So we had to redo about 8 documents to find another route for giving the court what they need for proof of health insurance coverage. In the process, I had to secure two more deeds to the house (California's deeds are different than most of the country). We were able to get all this done in a week, and yesterday I hopped the train to L.A. to get the documents apostilled and sent off.

On my way back home on the train, feeling rather satisfied that all the documents were finished, I got a phone call from Sara informing me that the letter we had requested from the insurance company showed up in the mail. State Senator Mark Wyland's office came through and with their influence to back us up, insurance gave us what we needed. (What an answer to prayer!) Only one problem. We had redone all these other documents thinking that we were not going to get the insurance letter. So guess where I am headed tomorrow. I'm getting used this train travel. Back to L.A. for hopefully the last time (No. Seriously. This is going to be the last time. I'm not kidding...)

But maybe through all this God has a bigger plan. Here's what happened last train trip. I missed my train heading back home, so I had to wait an extra hour. While I was waiting I met a man, Jerome, who asked me for money for train fare to get back to Riverside. I told him I would help him with the ticket, and so we walked to the kiosk. When he reached the kiosk, he informed me that he had lied about the ticket, and that he was homeless and an addict, and didn’t really need a ticket. I told him I couldn’t give him money, but I could buy him some food. As we headed to get a sandwich, he told he that he had recently committed his life to Christ, but that he was still struggling with the addiction. I told him that it was only through God’s strength that he could overcome his addictions. He got his sandwich, we prayed, and I left to catch my train. On the walk to the train, I thought about Jerome. The struggles with drug addiction are so much greater than any of my struggles. If I could tell Jerome that God’s grace and strength were enough to get him through his addictions, how much more should I believe the same about my struggles?

So I get ready for another trip to L.A.. Maybe God has more people I need to pray with next to the Subway sandwich shop in Union Station. Or maybe He just wants me to get a little more exercise jogging the 1 1/2 miles each way from the train station to the Secretary of State's office. Either way, may I continue to praise him through all the ups and down, whether this is the last train ride or not...

JP

Through God’s grace shown in the donations of his people, we are now under $8000 away from being able to complete the adoption. This means that at this point we will have enough to travel, but we still need the rest to cover the $11,000 foreign fee. God has been so gracious to provide thus far, and I know he will see it through to completion. If we get these last documents to Russia by Monday, it's possible that we could be notified of a court date in the next couple of weeks. This will probably mean a mid-March court date, and travel towards the beginning of March. This is definitely not set in stone, but it will give you an idea of where we are with the process. Please continue to pray that God will provide a quick exit for Aleksandr from the orphanage and into his new home. Thanks!

Not About the Art, But About the Artist

2011-01-14T19:20:00.000-08:00

This is for the few remaining blog-checkers that have stuck with us even though we have been notoriously bad this time around with our updates. Here's where we stand. We just finished notarizing medical reports for the boys, will notarize our personal medicals next week, are waiting on a letter from the health insurance company and a letter from our homestudy agency that should be finished on Monday. Then we should be finished with our documents and ready to get a court date. Hopefully near the end of February. We are about $11,000 short still, but we know God is going to provide the rest. He has made it clear in so many ways that Aleksandr is supposed to be home with us. That's not going to change now.

I have to be honest. I thought that there were barriers to the completion of Elijah's adoption, but the difficulty this time around is definitely living up to what I expected. Last time it was the money that occupied most of my fears. For some reason, that's not the case this time. Maybe it's because I've witnessed God do that particular miracle once before, and I just know he can do it again. But life is different this time. One word-Chaos. Most of our life is in some state of flux or uncertainty. Why we even thought we could add this to our "plate" is absurd. But then again, is it "my" plate to begin with? A few years ago I had a chat with God. He told me a story about a little boy named Mikhail who needed my help. And that in order to help him I was going to have to put aside me and allow my heart to be broken. Forget my "plans" and supposed priorities. This is the task the Maker had for me. I thought my task was finished when Elijah came home. But God had other plans. He wasn't finished with me yet. There was another boy. Much like the first, but different. His brown eyes a testimony to his uniqueness. A one-of-a-kind creation that the Potter molded like clay and stepped back to look upon with a smile, well pleased with his creation. And this little boy needs me. It is I who must speak up on his behalf. It is I who must fight for him. It is I who must ruffle some feathers to see that he is not forgotten. It is I who must endure the extra stress, extra work, extra responsibility. And if I cared only about what was best for me, I would probably say "forget it". "I've got too much on my plate as it is." But then again I'm reminded. It's not about ME. It never has been. I'm simply doing what the Creator has made me to do. "Love Him with all my heart and love my neighbor as I would love myself." Even if that's at the expense of my comfort. And as I now believe, especially at the expense of my comfort. Because like Aleksandr, I too am a wonderful creation hand-crafted by the great Potter himself. And it's never been about the art, but about the artist.

JP

Elijah celebrated his 5th Birthday!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T18:43:00.000-08:00

I love this time of the year because it reminds me of the two greatest adoption stories ever told. One of those is the story of Joseph. It’s amazing to me to think of the courage and faith that Joseph showed when he took the place of Jesus’ earthly father to care for him as his own. He knew that decision could cost him everything, even his life, and yet his faith never wavered. There is one of my favorite Christmas songs in which Joseph is talking to Jesus shortly after he is born and says “Why couldn’t God have chosen another man? How can I lead this family when I don’t understand? How can I take the place of your Dad when I can not explain even how you came to be, my sweet Jesus, my baby boy?” I can’t imagine how confusing this must have all been for him. Yet through all of the obstacles he faced he pressed on praying faithfully for God to provide. He spoke up for Mary and Jesus when they didn’t have a voice, and above all else, no matter the cost, he obeyed God when He called him to take on the enormous task of being Jesus’ dad.

It’s hard to top that story, but there is another that is truly the greatest adoption story ever told. It’s the story of when God sent Jesus to this earth to be born in a humble stable, to be crucified, and to be resurrected again so that when we believe in His holy name, God would adopt US into His Eternal family where we would be heirs to His throne. God knew that sin would enter this world and people would feel alone and without hope. He also knew that there would be orphans, diseases, and death in this world. But he gave us the greatest gift of all when he sent us hope through His son Jesus. What an amazing adoption story he has given us all.

This Christmas is a little bittersweet for us this year. On one hand we have been so blessed this past year with the start of a new adoption process for Elijah’s biological brother Alexander. We have been blown away by the support of all of our friends and family and God’s provision of all our adoption needs. We were also able to travel to Russia to visit Alexander in November, which was nothing short of amazing. We rejoice in the fact that our family is growing and that everyone has remained healthy. We praise the Lord everyday for the growth opportunities our whole family has experienced through these adoption processes. We are also so happy to say that Elijah has now been home with us now longer than he was at the orphanage and that he is doing very well in his “forever family”. On the other hand our hearts do break this Christmas because Alexander has taken Elijah’s place in the orphanage, and we miss him terribly and hope he can come home to his “forever family” soon. There is a song from the Third Day Christmas album called “Merry Christmas”. Below is the chorus of the song that rings so true in our hearts this Christmas.

It’s Christmas time again but you’re not home

Your family is here and yet you’re somewhere else alone

So tonight I pray that God will come and hold you in His arms

And tell you from my heart

I wish you Merry Christmas

Please continue to pray that God would continue to provide for our family as we are still about $17,000 dollars short of what we need to finish our adoption process. Thank you again for all of your support both financially and through your prayers. We are so blessed by you! I pray that God will bless your family in the upcoming year as He has done with our family, and may He receive all the glory and honor in whatever you do.

Thank You!

2010-11-25T17:46:00.000-08:00

It's been at times a difficult transition coming back home. There is something to be said for being over in Russia and being purely focused on the task at hand, with few distractions. But now, trying to juggle the adoption with all that entails, as well as the regular difficulties and distractions of our daily life it can sometimes be overwhelming. But it's just in those moments when I feel life bear down heavily that God reminds me that He's got Alexander covered. That He's taking care of it. Another couple of donations and the Lord working in the hearts of a few different people on Alexander's behalf has put us another large step closer to Alexander coming home.

So this Thanksgiving I'm thankful for the fact that God cares about Alexander. That even though Alexander doesn't realize it right now, he has a whole community of people that care about him, and that he has a God that has already planned and secured a future for him. I'm thankful for the hearts of His people and how they allow themselves to be moved. I'm thankful that because of the sacrificial gift of Jesus, His people are compelled to give sacrificially themselves. What a wonderful blessing for our family to see God's people being His hands and His feet in and around our life and Alexander's. And I'm thankful for what the adoptions of Elijah and Alexander have taught me about God, faith, sacrifice, and love.

From Alexander....Thank You!

Cutest Cross-Eyed Boy You'll Ever Meet

2010-11-16T03:56:00.000-08:00

Today was day number 2 with Alexander at the orphanage. What a wonderful little boy. Got to see both of his eyes today. He is the cutest little cross-eyed boy you'll ever meet. First Park boy to need glasses for sure! It was a wonderful experience the whole time. 2 hours of just feeling our love grow for him minute-by-minute. He is truly a special little boy, and I can see his potential already. He is so ready for a family! He comes to both of us for hugs. He rests his head on our shoulder and relaxes. Looking forward to spending more time with him tomorrow, but not looking forward to saying goodbye. According to our facilitator here it will probably be mid-February when we go back to get him. Seems like an eternity, but it gives us time to come up with the rest of the money, about $23,000. Here are some pictures. No face, so we can share publicly. Can't wait until we get to share the whole package...

JP

So Much the Same

2010-11-15T17:22:00.000-08:00

Well, yesterday was the first day we got to meet Alexander in the flesh. It started like most days here in Kras. Buffet breakfast in the hotel (Better than I remember from last time. Sara got her hot chocolate!). Got to talk to the boys from the hotel room (free Wi-Fi in the rooms now!). Went downstairs to wait for our ride to the Ministry of Education appointment. Same cat lounging on the couch in the lobby (how long do cats live?). Nice warm day in Siberia (up in the 40's). Met the same translator (she didn't remember us...what's up with that!). The appointment with the Ministry of Education went well. Same lady there and same inane questions, though most were directed on how Elijah was doing because we had already been through the ropes. Then it was off to meet Alexander. All the familiar sites on the 45 minute drive. The orphanage was updated inside, which was nice to see. The smells were the same though. We were informed that he wears a patch over one eye to correct a "lazy eye" condition, so we only had to wait a little while until our little pirate came into the room (Sara has already nicknamed him "Patchy"). Our 2-hour visit was wonderful! He took to us much quicker than Elijah did, but he is so much like his brother. They look very similar and we just had to laugh that the same games we played with Elijah were the same games that Alexander wanted to play. They are definitely cut from the same mold. Elijah's beautiful blue eyes are replaced with the deepest chocolate brown eyes I've ever seen. He'll be the first in the family! Both of us felt very good about the visit and can't wait to go back today. Had dinner at Cinnabon (more of that authentic Russian fare) and turned in early. Sorry, but I can't post any pictures of Alexander's face. I was going to take a picture of him from behind to post, but I forgot. I will take one today. In the meantime, here's a few pictures of Elmo on his adventures to tide you over. Until tomorrow...

JP

You Make All Things Work Together for My Good

2010-11-15T02:50:00.000-08:00

Amidst the familiarity of everything around me, I have gone to searching within myself to figure out what is different about this journey versus last. I sometimes glance back at old blog posts, and it at times feels like a different person wrote the words that I read. I guess that’s a good thing. It means I have matured, or grown over the past 5 years. I haven’t written much this time around because it feels like I have said it all before. But lately there is one thing that I know I feel differently about. And that is my boys’ mother. I remember after meeting Elijah and seeing the damage done by living in an orphanage, my first instinct was to blame his mother. And in some ways, rightfully so. But this time with Alexander, if feels different. I don’t know why mom keeps having children, though I have my suspicions. I don’t know what the road of her life has looked like that has lead her to this place. I feel genuine sadness in my heart over the journey that she has been on. I don’t claim to know what the abortion culture is like over here in Russia, but this I do know. Their mom gave birth to them, and by doing so gave them a chance. It is very clear to me that God has a plan for the lives of these boys. And if you read back through history, you will see countless times how God works seemingly bad things for good. I believe that these boys are a gift to this world, and if I were ever to meet her I would tell her “thank you” for bringing these two special boys into the world, and I would pray that the story of her boys’ lives and God’s amazing plan for them would point her to the fact that no matter how far gone you feel you might be, you are never out of the reach of God’s arms. And that He can work your bad for good if you just let him…

JP

Here...again!

2010-11-13T17:55:00.000-08:00

At 7pm we took off from LAX en route to Moscow. The flight over on Aeroflot was a pleasant surprise. This time we had individual monitors with movies and video games, unlike the visits to Elijah. Also, they have a camera mounted on the front of the plane and you can watch takeoff and landing live while it's happening. Sara doesn't like these parts of the flight to begin with, so this put her a little over the top. Not much sleep happening on the flight over, so we were pretty beat when we reached Moscow. We had 2 1/2 hours to get to our domestic flight to Krasnoyarsk. Everything went without a hitch. A lot of improvements at the airport from 2 1/2 years ago, so we had a much easier time of it. Slept a little on the flight to Krasnoyarsk, arriving at around 6am Sunday morning. It was pretty much a 24-hour endeavor. But we are here, and now that the travel portion is complete, the excitement begins. I couldn't help but laugh as I drove the 30 minutes from the Krasnoyarsk Airport to the hotel. All the familiar sites. Even greeting our two helpers at the airport. It didn't seem like any time had passed since we were last here. And I am pretty sure that stepping into the orphanage is probably going to be the same. But the visit will be new and unique. I thought about Alexander as we were landing, and how he has no idea that a new life awaits him. Just any old day for him. How many times do we wake up in the morning thinking that this will be just "any old day", and not even realize the potential that it holds. One of my "any old days" lead me back here for a second time, a place I never imagined I would return to, at least not in this fashion. Embrace your "any old day" and make it something special...

Off to the orphanage tomorrow morning!

JP

(Also, I totally forgot that Russians clap for the pilots when the plane touches down. Classic. I think I'll start a trend in the U.S.!)

Deja vu

2010-11-12T17:20:00.000-08:00

Hey all! I'm sitting at the gate at LAX waiting for our flight to Moscow. Even though we've done this before, I'm still a little apprehensive about what lies ahead. Though we have done this before, I'm still trying to soak up this experience in all its subtle nuances that will make it different than the time before. Like saying goodbye to four wonderful little boys, and not just three. And sharing a seat with Elmo this time instead of Curious George. May God teach us new and amazing things on this journey. And may we find our son healthy and ready to meet his new parents. Please keep us in your prayers.

We Finally Got His Referral!!!!

2010-10-25T19:35:00.000-07:00

We received our official referral for Alexander today! He is so adorable but we are not allowed to post any pictures on the internet until after court - sorry. We leave for trip #1 November 12th!!! I am so excited to meet this little boy! Please pray that our appointment with the international adoption specialist to go over his medicals will go smoothly and that he won't have any major medical issues.

SP

Start Christmas Shopping Now!

2010-10-24T17:10:00.000-07:00

Jerry Best creates his free-form stoneware pottery from his home and Studio in Webster, WI. Each piece is uniquely made by folding the clay over Lake Superior stones. Then it is glazed using a variety of browns, greens, and blues to create a one-of-a-kind piece. Treat your friends and family to something special this Christmas. 50% of this sale will go directly to Alexander's adoption. If you haven't already be sure to browse through our other items below as we have extended the sale of them now through Christmas.

Thanks again for your support, we could not bring him home without you!

Big Milestones!!

2010-10-24T15:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday marked a very big milestone in Elijah's life. He officially has been home with us longer than he was in the orphanage! It's amazing to think how long that has truly been. It seems like forever since we brought him home. I am so torn with my emotions over this day. I want to celebrate the fact that we are moving so far beyond his life in the orphanage and that he has made so many huge strides in becoming the little boy that God has planned for him to be. Everyday we observe new positive changes in his behavior and in his demeanor. He is more relaxed than he has ever been and is not afraid to show his true feelings whether it's truly happy, sad, mad, or afraid. Everyday we see proof that God is breaking down the walls of his heart and answering our prayers by filling the holes that we can not fill or even see. After 2 1/2 long years we are finally seeing his little light shine. He now asks lots of questions about his life in the orphanage and about God. He wants to know things like why Jesus loves him so much? And how he can go to heaven when he dies; he wants to take a taxi. Yet at the same time not losing his control by asking "Do I have to go to heaven?". He has started to say little comments like " I remember seeing lots of babies in their cribs in the orphanage" making us believe that he might remember more about his life in the orphanage than we originally thought. I celebrate this day because God has surely "set the lonely in families" Psalm 68:6 when he brought him home to us.

On the other hand there are still times when we see many of the effects of him being in the orphanage for so long. I question things like "When will he stop obsessing over food?" "When will he let go off his fears of being loved and held by his mom?" It breaks my heart that I can't hold him and love on him like I do with my older boys. That he is so threatened by me that he feels he needs to hit me or say something mean like "I don't like you" when I sit down next to him to read him a story. I praise God everyday that (and question God everyday why) he choose me to be Elijah's mom. While on one hand I celebrate today, I am also broken-hearted at the realization of how long those 2 1/2 years really were for Elijah. The loneliness, and fear, not to mention malnutrition and the painful effects of being born drug-addicted that he had to endure all alone is overwhelming to me as a mom. While I am now free, just as Elijah is, to move far beyond the damaging effects of the orphanage and into the life that God has promised "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11, I am thrown back into the orphanage because now Alexander has taken Elijah's place and is suffering the same way. I pray for Alexander everyday that God will hold him in His arms until I get there to bring him home. I praise Him for the fact that one day I will post that Alexander is home and moving on beyond his time in the orphanage.

SP

Then....

and now...

October 17 - 23

2010-10-17T20:50:00.000-07:00

Handmade wood wall art by Dan Neilson

Dan started making wood wall art a couple of years ago. This week he is featuring his sailboat collection. He creates sailboats in small or large sizes with or without sunsets and birds. He uses a variety of colors of stain ranging from white to browns, greens and reds. All sailboats are similar but with subtle differences which makes each individual piece very unique. All pieces are custom made to your desired color specifications when ordering.

50% of proceeds will be donated to help bring Alexander home. Please call 651-775-4164 to place an order. Thank you for looking!

Item of the Week October 10 - 16

2010-10-10T16:14:00.000-07:00

Jenifer Neilson has been creating handmade beaded jewelry for 4 years. She started making jewelry for weddings and other special orders and now it has grown into her full-time passion. The name of her company was inspired by her girl's nicknames and now her jewelry is inspired by the women she meets everyday. Jenifer works out of her home studio in Stacy, MN. Don't miss out on this opportunity to buy a handmade gift for someone you love this Christmas. 50% of the profits from each sale will go to help bring Alexander home.

Item of the Week- October 3-9

2010-10-02T21:20:00.001-07:00

Donna Best has been creating hand-thrown stoneware pottery for 33 years. She works out of her home and gallery in Webster, WI and also has her store Pottery At Best in Hayward, WI. All of her pottery is lead free, and microwave and dishwasher safe. Please mention Alexander's adoption when you order this item.

Round 1 Completed!

2010-09-26T18:08:00.000-07:00

Hooray! We have completed Round 1 of the document scavenger hunt! And with only mild discomfort. Quite a few miles on the vehicles, though. Now we wait as the documents get translated. Assuming everything is accepted by Russia (which it should be), then we will be receiving the official "Referral" soon. Maybe the next couple of weeks or so. Then it will be time to pack our bags for first visit. Still have a tough time believing it.

In the meantime, we keep busy with continued fundraising. Right now I am doing a Saturday morning outdoor circuit training workout for donations. Yesterday I had three victims (I mean participants). It was a lot of fun, and helped to continue to chip away at the goal. Check out facebook for updates (if you are not our friends on facebook, then what are you waiting for?). Also, we are heavy into making arrangements for a benefit concert in November. Please keep your eyes and ears open to updates on that one. It promises to be a very enjoyable evening, and one you're not going to want to miss.

Speaking of chipping away, we continue to do so with Elijah as well. A rollercoaster ride is definitely the best way to describe it. 2+ years and sometimes we still wonder if we just got home. Same issues, bigger kid. But the peaks of his progress keep getting higher, and the valleys he often sinks into are not quite as deep and not quite as wide. But they are still there. Just a reminder that only God can change the heart. All we can continue to do is show him love unconditionally and positive direction consistently. The rest is in His hands. Isn't that just like God...

JP

We Do Care About the Environment....I Promise!

2010-09-04T17:57:00.000-07:00

Greetings from the land of tree-wasters. We are busy in the paperwork portion of the process. While it is proving to be just as annoying as the first time, we come into it the second time fully expecting it and are therefore keeping our heads up. Minor delays have forced us to have to wait a little longer to finish the homestudy process and submit all the necessary paperwork in order to make our first trip. But we are confident in the timing of all of it.

Donations continue to come in. Praise God! We are nearing the halfway point! We are still about $5000 short of what we need to make the first trip, but we are confident that it will all come in at the point at which we need it. We are expecting to have to make the first trip sometime in late September or early October. I can't believe that we will be meeting Alexander soon! Stepping into that orphanage again after over 2 years is going to be so surreal. The Spirit of God was so present there the first time. I hope to find it the same 2 years later. After that, it should be only a few months (probably around Christmas time) until we make our second trip and bring him home. It's still crazy to think that he could be home before the end of the year.

We are in the process of coming up with more fundraising ideas (possibly a benefit concert for Alexander), so we will keep you updated. Please continue to pray for us that the Lord will provide for Alexander's needs, both those physically and emotionally for him in Russia and financially for his homecoming here in the states.

JP

Couldn't you just eat him up?

2010-07-14T12:27:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update to let you all know where we are in the process... Through many generous donations we have been able to raise just over 19,000!!! This lets us continue on through the homestudy process (which is almost complete) and onto the dossier. We were trying to get everything done before we left to visit my family at the end of July but were told by our homestudy agency that we can not get our fingerprints done for the police clearances for another 4 to 6 weeks. So this puts getting everything done (homestudy and dossier) at the end of August. Everything is moving along at this point very smoothly, but we are finding it very difficult to get 6 physicals done in a timely matter. On another matter, we have been told we will need to move out of our house by next summer so we need to have this process complete in a little less than a year!!! Please continue to pray that God will provide both the money and time to get this completed before then. Also, over the weekend we took our family portraits and got some great shots of Elijah. Enjoy!

We're Not Alone

2010-07-06T21:48:00.000-07:00

Well, friends. It's definitely time for an update. If you know our family well, you know how much music plays an important part in our life. If the song has begun on this blog, then I ask that you listen to the words, and then read on. Many of you have probably heard it, and if not then here you go.

If there were a song written to sum up what our life is about right now, and in a few words why we have decided to give Alexander a home, then this is the one. Every time I hear the chorus "Love will hold us together. Make us a shelter to weather the storm. And I will be my brother's keeper. So the whole world will know that we're not alone." I think of Alexander. It is love, a love only possible because God first loved us, that is driving us to adopt Alexander. I think of the fact that he needs a shelter for the storms of his life. I know that he needs a "keeper", and God has called our family to be that "keeper". And the reason for why we are doing this adoption, "So the whole world will know that we're not alone".

In Matthew 25, Jesus called us to care for "the least of these", because he knew that if we did so, then the world would understand why he came, and more importantly why he died. And when we realize that this life is not about "us", then we truly have an opportunity to experience the life that he had planned for us. A life not necessarily filled with the promise of fortune, fame, or the easy life, but rather a life filled with the promise of a deeper meaning that will last a lifetime and beyond. This is what has happened from the moment that we committed to Him that we were going to give this little child that He loves a home...

We are excited to tell you that since our last post we have received a number of donations from some incredible people that God has touched to help Alexander. We have as of today received just over $18,000!!!!!! I will repeat that...$18,000!!!!! Two things I will say about this. 1-God is working in the hearts of his people again. That so many people would love Alexander this much without even knowing him would not be possible through any earthly means. This kind of love is only possible because it is a perfect mirror of God's love for us. How fortunate we are, and how fortunate Alexander is! And 2-if you are still feeling like you've never experienced God in a tangible way, this is what you do. Step out and love the unlovable. That is where you'll find Him.

I couldn't finish a post without an update on Elijah. Of course, things are still a roller coaster with him, but the progress is evident. The baby steps are continuing. He spent the entire weekend at grandma and grandpa's for fourth of July and had a wonderful time without incident. It was wonderful! He is getting closer and closer to his brothers. More affectionate with family. In fact, he is finally (after 2 years) coming to Sara without prompting asking for hugs and kisses. Coming face-first with arms wide open. Wow! I tear up just thinking about it. This is how it's supposed to be. I know it doesn't sound like much, but for a child with a past like Elijah's, this is huge! More updates (and pictures too) coming soon. Thank you for all your prayers and support, and stay tuned...

JP

The Race Before and the Race Behind

2010-06-12T17:53:00.000-07:00

A big "Thank You" to all those that showed their support last week. Yes, I survived the Marathon. The course was beautiful...a great way to see the higher points of San Diego. I highly recommend it. Beats those expensive bus tours!

I finished the race in my personal best time of 3:26:12. And in case you haven't seen on the meter on the side of the blog, we have raised over $3000 towards the adoption. What a tremendous blessing!

I know I've compared the adoption process to a marathon in the past, but I have to say that I believe it's harder than a marathon. At least with the marathon, you know where the finish line is. Regardless of how you get there (walk, run, crawl), once you have traveled 26.2 miles you are finished. This is definitely not the case with the adoption process this time around. We have a goal, but we don't know how far we are going to have to run to get there. In fact, we don't even know if there is going to be a finish line for us. At any point, God may just tell us that the race is closed and to get off the course. Not sure I would ever consider entering a running race like that (but could make an interesting reality TV show I guess). But here we are, and we have only run the first couple of miles.

I know the following verses is probably a little cliche at this point in time, but here goes:

¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:1-3)

It is verse 2 that strikes me as so important. If Jesus was willingness to endure such hardship and pain for "the joy set before him", I guess I should too. And though I can't see the end, I can see Him and that's where I need to fix my eyes. Lots of distractions coming from the sidelines, though. Please pray that we do not "grow weary and lose heart"...

JP

Running for Alexander

2010-06-03T21:43:00.000-07:00

What would an adoption be without fundraising??? Raising $50,000 in just a few months is no easy task. So to prove our dedication (and of course promote orphan awareness) Jeremy is running the Rock n' Roll Marathon this Sunday June 6 in San Diego in honor of Alexander. If you would like to pledge your support you can donate here online using PayPal or send your donation to us by mail. Thank you so much. Every little bit helps!

Elijah has a Brother!...Here we go again...

2010-06-03T21:14:00.000-07:00

Where to begin, and still keep it short?

Here's the Reader's Digest version. We decided a couple of months ago to inquire as to the status of a potential sister of Elijah's that we were told might be available for adoption. In the process of that inquiry, we found out that in addition to a sister, Elijah also has a little brother. His name is Alexander, and he was born in July of 2009. We were approached by our adoption agency, America World Adoption Association, and asked if we were interested in pursuing adoption of Alexander as his sister is not available for adoption at this time. I have to say that it hasn't been an easy decision for either of us. It has been extremely difficult at times with Elijah's behavior, and that has certainly threatened to sour our willingness to adopt another child. This, coupled with our present financial and other uncertain life circumstances has made this a very difficult decision. But when we both stripped all of that stuff away, we were left with the feeling that it was only right to try to bring Alexander to the home he deserves, and the brother that he has never met.

So, amidst a sea of fears and doubts we have decided to step forward in faith with the knowledge that, just like in Elijah's adoption, he is going to light the way. And, like before, I'm certain He is only going to light a little bit at a time. How else would our faith grow? I am certain of one thing though, and it's that this time around is going to be more trying than the first (I can hardly imagine how). I know that it is going to test us to our personal limits and force us to rely solely on His strength. I can't honestly say that I am ready for the task at hand, but I am trusting that through prayer and the support that we have around us I will grow stronger and find the courage it's going to take to see this through. Please keep us in your prayers as we step out. Please pray for Alexander that he is kept strong through this time.

Here we go again...

JP

New Year, New Elijah

2010-01-17T21:30:00.000-08:00

Hello friends! I'm not exactly sure who is reading this anymore, mostly because I haven't posted in so long. But I have felt for a while that it was time to update, regardless who may or may not be reading. At the very least, it is Elijah's history, and it will be important to him. It has been over a year and a half since we came home from Russia with Elijah. Let's just say that the first year and change were trials of the most Jamesian proportions (I made up a word...cool). But through prayer and tears we are happy to say that things have turned a corner for the positive. The tantrums have almost completely subsided. The breaking of toys has calmed down to a normal 4-year-old level. The physical acting out is gone. The best way to describe it is that he's a different kid. Now don't get me wrong. He still has his moments. But by the grace of God he is showing all signs of becoming a well-adjusted little boy. We have high hopes for the young man he will become.

He just celebrated his 4th birthday on the 7th of January (Russian Christmas). It was so much fun. For his third birthday he had been with us for just a little over 6 months, and he wasn't quite sure what was going on. But this time, he had watched his three brothers' birthdays come and go, so he knew what was in store by the time it was his turn. Even though we knew that an entire day dedicated to him might be a little overwhelming for him, we thought "who cares". It only comes once a year, and he's worth it. So the day was filled with wide eyes as we went from one activity to the next. Nothing extravagant, just a day doing his favorite things and eating his favorite foods. He spent the morning asking "Will it still be my birthday after I eat breakfast?" "Will is still be my birthday after I go to the bathroom?" What a wonderful day!

To see the Lord change the heart of Elijah over the past year and a half has been nothing short of miraculous. I know that we will have more bumps in the road ahead of us. But for now I rejoice in the fact that I know he is happier and more content then he's ever been in his life. And it fills me with hope. If the Lord can do such an amazing work in Elijah, I guess there's still hope for the rest of us too...

JP

Wow....life!

2009-04-08T16:11:00.000-07:00

It's been a pathetically long time since we posted last. Blah, blah, blah...there's my excuse. Elijah is doing amazingly well. He still has rough days, but all things considered he is thriving. Short of the chronic diarrhea that we are still dealing with, he is healthy and growing. Language is coming along well. He still has some definite speech delay, but he understands everything and communicates very well once you decifer what he's saying. He loves to ride in the van and go to the store with Daddy on special trips. He just got done singing "I Love You, Lord" to me when he woke up from his nap. Holy cow, the kid can sing on key! He'll be the first in our family where that comes naturally. He loves playing baseball in the backyard, and hits left-handed. Daddy's got big plans for him! His brothers love him like he's always been here...and pick on him like he's always been here too.

FACES, the Adoption and Orphan Care Ministry we have started at our church is growing. We have had a few "Adoptive Mom's" groups and did a group study on the book Fields of the Fatherless as well. We are planning an "Evening of Prayer" for foster and waiting children, hopefully to happen in June. We have many at our church that are excited about what we are doing, and I am confident that we can start affecting the culture of our church and making it a light in the community for orphan care.

With all those things going well, it wouldn't be life without some struggles. Right now we are dealing with the fact that the County of San Diego is taking our home to make room to widen the road in front of our house. We have anywhere between 9 months and a year until they come with their offer. In the meantime, we pray and wait as we decide what next step to take. It is not easy to think about the house we've lived in for the past 8 years being leveled by a bulldozer. It is a very modest home, but we have poured our blood, sweat, and tears into it. It is the only home that any of the boys remember, and it is Elijah's first home. It saddens me that we are going to have to uproot him so early in his time with us. Please pray that the transition for all of us will be smooth. We are confident that what God has in store for us will be better than what we've had before. Happy Easter to all. I will try to post pictures of Elijah's first Easter as soon as I have them.

Happy 3rd Birthday Elijah!!!

2009-01-09T15:09:00.000-08:00

Elijah celebrated turning 3 with his first birthday party. He had already seen the birthdays of his three brothers, so he kind of knew what to expect. Upon waking up, he entered the living room, breaking huge smiles at the decorations and balloons, with presents and his cake on the table. All day he repeated "Happy Birthday Elijah" (or something close to that) and tried to make the number "3" with his fingers.
After I returned home from work, he opened his gifts. Watching him tear into wrapping paper, dig into bags, and seeing his eyes light up every time brought smiles and laughter to all of us. His brothers decided that he would enjoy going to Chuck E. Cheese's for pizza and games, so we packed into the van and headed out. All went well until the six-foot tall monster rat that is Chucky came by to greet the birthday boy. The look of terror on Elijah's face was like straight out of a horror film. I couldn't help but laugh. While Chucky sulked in the corner, Elijah enjoyed the rest of his time playing games like bowling for tickets and punching rubber duckies.
We ran out of time that evening, so the next day we sang "Happy Birthday" and blew out the candles on the cake. His smiles during "Happy Birthday" were priceless, and he blew out his candles like an old pro. What a special time for us, and by the look on his face, for one of the first times in his life I believe that he truly felt special too...

JP

Elijah's First Christmas, and a Fighting Chance

2008-12-29T20:41:00.000-08:00

Elijah's first American Christmas has come and gone. We tried not to make it too overwhelming for him. He did extremely well, all things considered. We visited Santa Claus at the San Diego Wild Animal Park. He loved all the lights and looking at the animals, but didn't care too much for Santa. Which is what we figured. But he did pose for a picture with Daddy in front of some of the lights (see right). The next night was Christmas Eve, and we opened presents, just the six of us. He was very meticulous in the opening of his gifts (reminded me of his great-grandma). I think he liked cleaning up all the wrapping paper and putting in the trash bag more than anything (the boy's a clean-freak- leftovers from his old home). Christmas day was a bit more hectic for him with more people, but it ended up being a special time celebrating two first Christmas's (Elijah's and his baby cousin Savannah's).

Now a New Year approaches, and it greets me doing a lot of soul-searching. I know this sounds crazy, but I long to go back to Russia. I know that right now it is not a possibility, but I miss it, if that possibly makes sense. I know that it's not the only place to find God, but it's where He wanted me to find Him. And while since I've been back I have been studying what God is doing in other parts of the world and places where He is needed most (Africa, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam), I find myself still drawn to Russia. I still remember my conversation with a group of missionaries in Moscow, and being saddened to hear how the years of Communism have left a nation almost completely devoid of personal interaction with the God of this universe. And I am heartbroken. And I think about all the little ones we saw in Baby House #5, ones that we knew would probably never spend a Christmas with a loving family. And I think about the hopelessness that many of them will feel when they become adults and have to leave the only homes they have ever known, never to return and alone. And I think, if only they knew there was a God out there who loved them. That even though they may not have a "family" in the normal context, there was a man who walked this earth 2000 years ago, bringing hope to orphans just like themselves, healing the broken just like themselves, and laying down his life so that they might live. I feel like if someone at least told them this, they might stand a fighting chance...

On to the next peak...

2008-12-21T19:31:00.000-08:00

I could list all the excuses for over a month between blog entries, but there's no point. I'm sure it's the same story for everyone.

This weekend marked the one-year anniversary of meeting Elijah for the first time. We spent some time watching video of our first trip, and just thinking about how far we have come and how far Elijah has come in that time. Wow, what changes. This time of the year will forever bring back memories of Russia. The four amazingly hectic, stressful, enlightening, and life-changing days we spent with the Franks, where when we parted we felt we had known them for a lifetime and knew that we would remain friends for at least that long. And when the Christmas songs start to play and a crispness fills the air, I am reminded of my firsthand meeting with God in a Siberian orphanage. I can honestly tell you that God is more real to me today than He ever has been before or I ever dreamed He could be. And it's all thanks to a little boy who showed me that faith is not best expressed with words, but with actions. For the first time I heard the voice of God, clear and unmistakeable, speak to me and I followed. I followed half-way across the world, and when I met Elijah I heard God say "Here I am". It was like being blind for 30 years and finally being able to see.

And it's crazy. Our jouney has been like climbing a mountain. But it's not as if when we brought Elijah home, God said "Nice job. You made it to the top. Have a seat, sit back and enjoy the view." Instead, He has said "Nice job. You've made it to the top. Take a look over there. See that peak off in the distance. Yes, the one higher than the one we are standing on. The one with the jagged rocks and the sheer edges. That looks like fun. What do you say?" And like an adrenaline-laced mountain climber, I say "Why not? Bring it on!"

One year ago I truly tasted God and found that He was good. Yet I have been left with a thirst for more. And as our life continues to take twists and turns, hills and valleys, I am confident that God has so much more in store for me and my family. There is a huge world out there in need. In physical need (poverty, starvation, slavery) as well as in spiritual need (they need to know Jesus). And He has made it clear to me and my family that there is still work to be done. We've only scratched the surface. This one little boy named Mikhail (Elijah) was only the starting point for us. May He be glorified in every "next peak" that we scale. And I know we'll reach the top because we have the only Guide who knows the way.

Merry Christmas to all!

Happy 1st Halloween

2008-11-07T21:10:00.000-08:00

Hey, better than last time. Only 2 weeks or so. Well, this was Elijah's first Halloween, and I am happy to say that he exceeded all of our expectations and then some. We had a wonderful night cruising the neighborhood by our house and playing at the carnival hosted by our church. Elijah enjoyed every minute of it, and we have some great memories.

It has been slow progress with Elijah, but progress nevertheless. We seek God's strength and wisdom every day, and He always provides. Our broken little boy is mending slowly, but as I see it, he is ours forever. So if it takes forever, that's how long we'll keep working at it...

Here are some pictures to tide you over:

The family at the San Diego Wild Animal Park, just 5 minutes from our house.

Day Trip to Big Bear in the Mountains east of Los Angeles

Had to bribe Benjamin into being the woman. Elijah didn't know any better.

That was the face before he realized what was inside the pumpkin...

Happy Halloween

No, Isaac's not Richard Simmons, in case you were wondering. Couldn't find the red, white, and blue old-school P.E. shorts...

JP

My Little Russian Nesting Doll

2008-10-23T16:52:00.001-07:00

Hello all from the Land of Confusion (for those Genesis fans out there, the band not the book of the Bible). Has it really been this long since I last posted? Take that as an indication of what life has been like for the past month.

God bless his little broken heart, Elijah is certainly keeping us on our toes here. He is a wonderful little boy who just can't bring himself to come home yet. I use a bit of Russian imagery to describe our little barrel of wonders. He is like a Russian nesting doll. Take one layer apart, and there is another layer below. And each new layer is a new little "surprise". Most nesting dolls range from 5 to 12 layers deep. We've blasted through those, and as we continue to peal we don't see the end in sight.

We have exhausted all the "parenting techniques" that we used with our three older boys, and we are blazing new trails as we speak. To those who question the wisdom of God in how he planned his creation to work, be it in marriage or in how the family is supposed to be structured, I would put up Elijah as an example of what happens when we stray from doing things the way God had inteded, what happens to an innocent little boy when he makes the best of a situation that was not as God had intended. And while he is making very small and very slow strides, the damage runs deep with him and will take time, patience, prayer, and perseverance to see any significant improvement in his healing.

While I don't believe that orphans were part of God's original plan for his creation, they are the result of living in a fallen world, and I praise God everyday for adoption as part of his redemption plan for this fallen world.

Please continue to pray for patience and wisdom for our family and specifically for Elijah that God would continue to use us to break down those walls he's created to protect himself and that His grace will mend the broken pieces of his little broken soul...

JP

(p.s. Still planning on making part two of that video for you. As my father always says, "These things take time...")

Attachment Differences

2008-09-27T09:09:00.000-07:00

The past week has yielded a little controversy in our "chat group" community regarding the role of parents (moms in particular) and newly adopted institutionalized children. Adopted children need special attacment work and mom needs to be home to properly develop that versus some moms have to go back to work and a family with a working mom is still better than no family at all.

Say what you want about controversy, at least it forces one to examine their situation and dialouge with themselves about their own situation. I know that it has promoted dialougue in our family. And while I know some feelings were hurt, I think that sometimes a little controversy can be helpful because it forces you to take a stance (do I really believe what I am doing is right?). That is what we have done this past week as I have struggled with Elijah.

This dialouge coincided with my most difficult week since coming home with Elijah. And I found the parallels very profound. Since school started for the boys (we school our other 3 boys at home), our home situation has changed dramatically. My day starts at 4am, and between work, school (I'm in charge of math, writing, and some reading), coaching and carpooling, my free time to spend with Elijah has decreased dramatically.

As a result, I have noticed a significant change in our relationship (and not for the better). We have slid back to behaviors similar to when we were in Russia (not wanting me to hold him, trying to sabotage personal time, not wanting to be comforted by me). And this has been a very hard thing for me to take. I see his relationship with Sara, who is home with him all the time, and it is hard for me not to be envious. I know that she is mom, and things are always a little different with mom. But I know that in our situation, his attitude towards me is directly related to the proportion of time that I spend with him compared to Sara. His attachment with me is not nearly as good as it is with Sara because I am not with him as much. Granted, I try when I am home to take him for special time (he'll go to the store with me by himself or we'll play baseball together), but most of the time I see that it's not enough.

The debate about whether moms with newly adopted kids should stay at home or go to work is one without a clear answer. I believe that it is a decision best put before God in prayer and discussed thoroughly within each individual family. I certainly know the economic pressures going on today (I have had to take a second job on the weekends just to scrape by), but I also know first hand the difficulties that come with trying to form a bond with an adopted child when you are not present. I wouldn't wish that difficulty on anyone, and I can empathize with those who are struggling. In the meantime, I take advantage of every opportunity that I can and pray for our little guy constantly that our bond will grow stronger with time...

JP

The boys with their gifts grandma and grandpa brought back for them from Scotland. Elijah's new hairdo looks goooooooood...

By Your Side

2008-09-22T20:19:00.000-07:00

Throughout this adoption journey, God has used music in countless ways to communicate messages of his truth to me, often just at the right time when I needed them. I have always put songs on this blog that have carried meaning regarding whatever station I might have been in this journey, or whatever songs might have touched my heart at the time. I never choose at random. Shortly after I wrote my post titled "Be Still" (see post below), Sara found this song that should be playing as you read this. As I listened to the words, I couldn't believe how much it spoke to what I was feeling at that time, and still am feeling. As I said in that previous post, God never ceases to draw parallels for me between His relationship with me and my relationship to Elijah. And I share this because this past week has been a pretty monumental struggle between me and Elijah (I will post about this in more detail later), as I am sure any of you who have adopted, or just have kids can relate to. My thought to leave you is to you is to ask you to scroll to the bottom of the blog, rewind the song to the beginning and meditate on the words (even look at a picture of your child while you listen). If you are struggling with your own adopted child right now, I'm sure these words voice your prayer to them perfectly. If you are feeling alone or unloved, let the words sink in as the Father's voice speaking directly to you right where you are...

(More to come soon...I promise)

JP

Pictures of Elijah's first art project that he did with his brothers while they were doing a school project. He was so proud.

Journey to Elijah Video- Part 1

2008-09-01T16:47:00.000-07:00

So I sat down and re-made the video, this time in 2 segments. One before "Gotcha Day" and one for after. Here is part 1. It is almost exactly the same as the original video. To those who didn't get a chance to see it, I hope you enjoy. Part 2 will come soon...

JP

School Begins

2008-08-31T20:26:00.000-07:00

Wow, has it been that long since I have posted?

So it has. With the day-to-day grind in full force, everything becomes something of a blur. As a homeschooling family, we stay pretty busy throughout the day. The start of school at the beginning of August has definitely shown itself in Elijah's behavior. Now that our attention is getting spread a bit more evenly, we have seen more of a backslide in his behavior. Nothing terrible, just little things. He is definitely showing his age more, being more vocal when he thinks his ideas are better than ours. We believe that most of this has to do with the change in attention, so we are making sure we are stepping up the one-on-one time to make up for the school time.

His attachment continues to improve with both of us and with his brothers. His six-year-old brother and him don't always see eye-to-eye (too much alike in their stubbornness), but they are playing with him a ton and involving him in their games as much as he will participate.

We have our first meeting with our church staff to discuss our adoption ministry that we are starting at our home church of Emmanuel Faith Community Church in Escondido. We hope to provide resources for couples struggling with infertility or just considering adoption, as well as support for those in the process of and finished with adopting, both here and abroad. We have one couple that has adopted both of their boys on board, and we are hoping that it will grow from there. Sharing God's love one person at a time.

I am still working on getting the video back up, so hang tight...

JP

La la Olympics

2008-08-21T21:31:00.000-07:00

Apologies for not updating the blog sooner. Try as we have to not let life pile itself on us, it somehow always manages to creep up and rear its head. That's a separate blog in itself. On to more important things...

Life with Elijah still manages to amaze us on a regular basis. We were heading along very well, attachment developing (including attachment with me since increasing my personal time with him) and adjustment to life in the family coming together. Then he woke up one morning and decided it was too hard. Just like that, he was back to the boy we brought out of the orphanage. You could see it in his face. Unwilling to be cradled, not wanting to communicate, and reinstituting the sport of "La la throwing" (maybe too much Olympic watching...who knows).

Our initial response was frustration mixed with some self-doubt. But through prayer and communication with each other, Sara and I maintained our consistency and resolved to weather the storm. Three days later he was back to the boy of four days prior, and then some. The light was back in his eyes. My attachment with him experienced more growth during his three setback days than any other. Reading books and playing toys with Elijah have been more relaxed than ever, and he is initating more physical contact on his own, without me having to ask for it. The highlight for me was last night. For the first time in all the times I have done holding time before bed, he snuggled himself up to my neck and chest and fell asleep in my arms. Wow! The kind of feeling that could warm you on top of Mt. Everest.

Just because Elijah is home doesn't mean the highs and lows are over. I guess it's God's way of keeping us on His page and not our own.

We are also beginning a medicine regimine for a couple intestinal parasites that he came home with. We pray that he takes the medication and this gets cleared up fast (both mom and Elijah are done with the dysentary)...

JP

Video Not Available

2008-08-19T21:06:00.000-07:00

To those who did not get a chance to watch the video on the myspace.com/parkadoption site, I'm sorry to say that it is no longer available. It has been blocked due to copyright restrictions (the music that I included with the video). So I'm happy for those of you that got to see it. If I can come up with any more ideas, I will update later. If anyone has any ideas, let me know.

JP

Be Still

2008-08-10T20:48:00.000-07:00

All along this adoption process has been as much a spiritual journey for me as it has been a physical journey for Elijah. He has gained a family and I have gained a closer understanding of who God is.

My efforts at enhancing attachment with my new son have been extremely rewarding. In fact, just the other day he ran up to me without any coercing, arms outstretched as I was sitting on the couch, wrapped his little arms around me and gave me a hug and a kiss, then went on his merry little way. It floored me. Little steps.

Nighttime with me is going much better as well, with the snuggle time being much more relaxed and special. But a few nights ago he was not too happy with me putting him to bed instead of mommy, and he was showing his displeasure by complaining, fussing, and fidgeting in my lap in an attempt to get away. During these times I find it helpful to just pray out loud over him and talk softly to him. And during this particular time the words "Be still" came to mind. I found myself just saying this softly over and over to him while he struggled against my arms. And in that moment I looked down on his face and I saw myself. In him I saw all of my anxieties, all my fears, all my inadequacies, all my failures, all my futile attempts to be in control of every aspect of my life, all the times I take things from the hands of God and place them back in my own. I sat with Elijah, knowing full well that he was safe in my arms, that he was loved unconditionally, that he was taken care of and that his needs were going to be met. Yet I couldn't convince him of that fact and he thought he knew better. And I thought to myself, "isn't that just like me?". Me struggling with all my burdens and God sitting over me saying "Be still", promising to love me unconditionally, promising to take care of me, and promising to meet my needs while I complain, fuss, and struggle.

It just reminds me how important it is for me to continue to work on my attachment with my Father...

JP

"Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10)

Never Tire

2008-08-02T08:00:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry it has been so long since I've posted an update. Elijah continues to thrive here in sunny SoCal (he's even getting a little bit of a tan). His comfort level and that of our family continues to grow each day. As I know is true for most, each day that goes by we forget a little bit more that he was not a physical part of this family at one time. It seems more and more natural all the time.

He's progressing well on most fronts. His attachment with Sara is developing extremely well. He loves the physical contact from her, wanting to be held and hugged. Naptime and bedtime are going smoothly as well. Not surprisingly, things have slipped in his attachment to me though. Spending all that time in Russia with him 24/7, things were going really well for my attachment with him. But now that we are back to life here, it has been back to work for me and away from the family for a good chunk of the day. I am out the door before anyone is up, and even though I am home pretty much every day when he gets up from his afternoon nap and around for the remainder of the day, I have seen very clearly this past week that it hasn't been enough. We have started to institute some mandatory holding time for the two of us because he just doesn't want the physical closeness from me that he wants from Sara. And not that it has to be the exact same, but he still a bit wary when I pick him up or hold him. The first day was a pretty good struggle, but it only lasted about 10 minutes and he settled down. Next day was a little bit better than that.

None of this comes as a surprise to us. It is just amazing to me how subtle it all is, and how far below the surface so many things are with Elijah. I am finding that it is easy to get comfortable and to let up a little. But he is constantly reminding us that there is still so much work to be done. And even though on the outside he appears to be very happy and content, fostering the kind of bonds and attachments that we want for him in our family is going to take a lot of hard work and a lot of time. I am reminded of this verse...

"And as for you, brothers, never tire of doing what is right". (2 Thessalonians 3:13)

JP

Changing Faces

2008-07-23T21:09:00.000-07:00

The most amazing sight to see during the past 7 weeks has been the utterly amazing transformation in the physical appearence of this little boy. Having posted the most recent pictures of Elijah, I thought it would be an experience to post a few of the pictures from our first trip for everyone to compare the boy we first met in the orphanage with the boy we know now and see everyday. There is no mistaking the difference. No more blank stare. No more tension locked up in his face and his whole body. Those eyes that once looked so scared I now get lost in for minutes at a time. To those who wonder what the importance of "setting the lonely in families" is, look at the face of this little boy and know that he is finally where he was always meant to be, and the look that you see has been a long time coming but is here to stay...

JP

Scroll down at all the pictures below that I've posted since we have been home to see the difference (my favorite of Elijah is still the one with his brothers in Home Depot aprons. It sits on my desk at work and I find myself staring at it for minutes at a time...doesn't help me get any work done for sure).

The Video is Finally Here!!!!

2008-07-21T18:19:00.000-07:00

After over 6 weeks of trying, I finally have been able to make the video I made of Elijah while in Russia available for viewing. Please click on the following link:

www.myspace.com/parkadoption

Click on "Videos" on the left-hand side of the screen under where a picture of me would normally be. Make sure to turn on the audio, as there is music that goes with it. I hope you enjoy (and that it's not a let down after all the build-up). Please feel free to share it with any friends and family. Hopefully it can inspire a few people as well...

JP

Window Faces and Treacherous Eyelashes

2008-07-20T19:13:00.000-07:00

It's been over 6 weeks since we picked up our son, and we are falling in love with him more everyday. Yesterday I was talking to Sara, and we both agreed that there have been times when we have forgotten that we ever brought him home from an orphanage. That he was not a physical part of our family for the first 2 1/2 years of his life. It all seems so natural now. I know that this will only continue as time goes on.

Elijah finally had his first doctor's appointment last Thursday. Other than a little heart murmur that he will grow out of, by all outward appearences he is in perfect health. His measurements make him Joe Average and his physical development appears to be normal for his age. We are keeping an eye, or ear rather, on his speech. We know that learning a new language throws a wrench in things, but we are not quite sure his talking is quite up to par for his age. We are probably going to have a consultation with a speech therapist in the next few months. We are waiting for all of his blood tests to come back, but we expect everything to come up normal there as well (He was a trooper through the shots and blood draw. That didn't stop the tech at Children's hospital doing the blood draw from asking mom if she was going to cry. He also assured mom that the only thing Elijah had to worry about was tripping over his eyelashes when he walked out of there. If you haven't seen those things in person, the pictures don't do them justice).

Honestly, it is the little things that you notice that truly remind you that God knew what He was doing when He picked Elijah for our family. The older three boys love to wave at me out the window when I leave for work (sometimes they'll get up as early as 4am to see me off, and then head back to bed). We make faces at each other until I drive off. We've been doing it for years. Not sure how it started. It's just one of those family things that happens. To my joy, the last time the boys saw me off Elijah joined them at the window. He didn't know the routine, so he just stood and smiled at me while I made faces at him (he'll figure it out soon). But I can't tell you what it did to my heart and what it meant to see my 4 boys together doing what they do best, being my goofy boys. This boy's gonna do alright.

We are in the birthing stages of starting an Adoption Support ministry at our church. We want to be resource for others who have adopted, are adopting, or are even contemplating adoption. We feel that God's story lived out through our adoption of Elijah needs to be shared. If it can help bring one more homeless child to a forever family, it will all be worth it. We are always available to anyone if they have questions. Feel free to direct people to our blog if they are interested.

Also, keep praying for foreign adoptions, as they were dealt another blow just recently. Another Russian adopted child died tragically and accidentally just recently, and two more organizations have lost their accredidation as a result. With the situation in China looking more bleak by the day, we can't help but feel like there is a battle going on. The way I look at it, adoption must be something very important if Satan is doing this much to try to stop it. All the more reason we should stay dilligent and be a voice for the voiceless...

JP

Don't Believe Everything Your Read

2008-07-02T20:58:00.000-07:00

During this adoption process, we did lot of reading and a lot of research to try to prepare for the challenges that would face us as we brought Elijah home. We always felt pretty confident with how we raised our first three boys, but we knew that it was going to be a little different with Elijah (developing attachments, forming bonds, learning rules and the structure of our home). But there are a few things that we came across in our reading that we had fully prepared ourselves for, but have turned out not to be true.

One of these things that we were told was that since Elijah was adopted, our love for him would be different than our love for our three biological boys. Not that we wouldn't love him. Just that it would feel different because we did not conceive and give birth to him. And I fully prepared myself accordingly. However, from the moment I met him I felt like he was my own. Like he had been my own his whole life. Like we had given birth to him. I chalked that up initially to the "honeymoon phase" common to adopting families. However, as I sit here over a month and dozens of fits later, the honeymoon is over and that feeling hasn't changed. I love my son with every ounce of my being. I love him no differently than I love my other three boys. When I hold him it feels the same. When I kiss him it feels the exact same as when I kiss my other three boys. I would step in front of a bus for him if it came to that, without a moment's hesitation. And not because it is what I know I should do. But because I love my son. To all those out there wondering if it feels different, it doesn't.

Elijah continues to adjust well. He is picking up English very quickly, and we are able to communicate with him for pretty much everything. He continues to grow more attached to us, as well as his brothers. He still gets nervous in large groups of people and reverts to his "Cedric the Entertainer" routine, doing anything for some attention. But at home, he is just a happy, content, relaxed little boy.

This weekend he hit his first wiffle ball by himself! Not long until he's turning double plays...

JP

Updates (La la and Misha Bear)

2008-06-30T20:31:00.000-07:00

What to say? We are nearly 3 weeks post Russia, and it has been exactly one month since we took Elijah out of the orphanage for good. Here are a few of the recent updates:

English is coming along great! He's learning new words everyday, and Sara estimates that he understands more English now than Russian (that doesn't keep him from saying his favorite word, "niet!").

Attachment continues to improve as well. He loves snuggling with mom. When Sara is rocking him before bed, they take turns touching each other's face. He even grabs her hand to hold it while they rock. Elijah is also comfortable enough with papa now to let him tickle him like he does the other boys (I knew he couldn't resist for long!).

His fits have become shorter and less involved now. Now, instead of chucking "la la" (his favorite toy music maker) across the room when he is mad, he stops his fit, hands his "la la" to mama, and then continues his fit (small blessings right?).

He is getting used to the boys as well. They are able to play together a lot more than before. He is especially taken by Isaac, our oldest son (Sara is convinced that it's confusion about the long hair...he thinks Isaac is mama). He spends his day calling Isaac's name and pointing things out. Isaac has been very patient. I think he really likes the attention. Isaac even changed his first poopy diaper (it was actually a consequence he was serving for fighting with his brother in the van, but I think he enjoyed it....ok, maybe that's taking it a little too far).

Papa helped him with his first swings of the baseball bat (you had to know that one was coming).

He got his first "American" haircut. Number 6 on the clippers worked perfectly. Not too short, not too long (mullets were aplenty in Russia...tempting, but no).

Curious George has been shelved in favor of "Misha Bear", the teddy bear his grandma made for him. He even calls it "Misha Bear" (poor George, after all he has been through. Oh well, Curious George will always be the first love).

He is even eating well. Most foods go down easily with little to no trouble (even some spicy chicken strips we had left over in the fridge).

Important things yet to be done:

Give him his first "IN-N-OUT Burger" (not sure his taste buds are ready to handle such bliss just yet).

Take him to his first Dodger Game (have to save that one for the right time. It has to be special. Plus, it would be nice if they were winning too).

I hope that satisfies some of the inquiring minds. More to come soon...

JP

That Smile...

2008-06-24T21:50:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow will be two weeks since we have been home. Things are progressing well with Elijah. He is continuing to get used to life in the Park household. Every day brings new experiences for both us and him, and we get continued glimpses into the depth of who he is. He is a smart little boy (and a little sly) with a fun-loving and sweet temprament. We were always told that most of these children know how to work the system, and Elijah is no exception. The other day my parents were visiting for the weekend. Elijah had just finished going into the bathroom when mommy told him not to, at which time he proceeded to air-mail the toys he was holding into the other room. He was sitting on mommy's lap taking a time-out (complete with fussing and much shifting) when my father came in from outside. I was sitting across the room, and proceeded to watch this distraught child, crushed by the weight of his terrible consequence (notice sarcasm here) look up at my father, and flash the most flirtatous smile I have ever seen. I never realized one small smile could say say so much. "Dear man. Please save me from my inhumane captor. I'm completely innocent. Would this face lie to you?" I must say I was impressed. I didn't know whether to be concerned or congratulate the boy on an Oscar-worthy performance.

I tell this story, not to be negative (he is adjusting amazingly well and is the sweetest little boy), but because it amazes me how comlex this little boy can be. (Side note: today was his first day without a single fit! Yeah!!!) Both Sara and I understand that coming from the orphanage, this is what he has had to do all along to get his needs met. And he does not yet realize that here at home, he's going to get his needs met no matter what. He doesn't have to perform for us. He doesn't have to bribe us. We are here for him, 100%, forever.

Our extended family have truly taken to Elijah. I fell in love with him from the moment I met him, but you never know how others will feel when the time finally comes. I am happy to say that he has stolen the hearts of everyone he has met.

Elijah is truly an amazing, special, and wonderful little boy.

When he smiles, I am filled with indescribeable joy.
When he laughs, I am moved to tears.
When he makes goofy faces at me, he steals my heart.
When he plays, I am filled with peace.
When he runs to me at the door after work, I feel that feeling only a father knows.
When he lies peacefully asleep, I fall in love with him all over again.

JP

My Gain

2008-06-19T20:57:00.000-07:00

It has been one week since we have been home, and things have been going great! Elijah is adapting well to his new life here in Escondido. It is most definitely summer here, in the 90's the past couple of days, and I wasn't sure if his baby feet would follow his brothers barefoot into the backyard, but he wasn't about to be left out. He's game for almost anything.

Father's day came just a few days after arriving home, and we drove to a couple of our favorite spots in downtown San Diego to spend the afternoon. First stop was the playground next to the bay, watching boats and walking along the boardwalk. Elijah wasn't quite ready for the swings, but he was game for the slide. We couldn't keep him off, up and down and up and down. At one point I felt his chest as I was lifting him up, and his little heart was just pounding! Never had this much exercise and excitement in his life. What a rush for him, and what a thrill to be a part of all of his firsts!

Second stop found us playing tag and ball in the grass and throwing rocks into the bay. He rode the stroller through people face painting, people making balloon animals, and a classic car show. He came home exhausted and a little sunburned (let's not tell the social worker that one).

These past four days we have just focused on getting into a routine at home. Misha getting comfortable with his surroundings and used to the rhythm of life. And he is doing great! He is picking up English pretty quickly (he definitely knows what "no, don't touch that" means), and he is learning his brothers' names. They take turns pushing each other on the little Winnie-the-Pooh train grandma and grandpa bought for him (Isaac wiped him out around a corner today) and squirting each other with the hose.

He is truly a little goofball...a perfect match for this family. He loves to make you laugh and smile, and his laugh is contagious. When he rears his head back, closes his eyes, and lets out a huge laugh I get tears in my eyes and I can't help but join in. It makes me think about his mother, grandmother, and grandfather back in Russia, and how nobody came to visit him in the orphanage in 2 1/2 years. No one even inquired about him during that time. How no Russian families expressed any interest in adopting him. If only they had seen that smile. If only they had heard that laugh. They would have fallen in love with him immediately as I did.

But their loss is my gain. And I will thank God everyday for my gain...

JP

We're Home

2008-06-14T21:54:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the delay in posting a new update. It has been a whirlwind since we got home. But here's the quick synopsis.

We said goodbye to the Franks early Wed morning, both happy and sad at the same time. It's not just any couple that you could meet for a few short days five months prior, and then spend a whole month with and feel like you had been friends forever. What a journey it was with you guys! Thanks for making the trip so enjoyable and special (Dennis- I'm proud of you for not killing anyone...I wouldn't have come to visit you in the Gulag).

Vladimir (our driver) drove us to the airport in typical Vladimir style. It was the most gorgeous day of the entire trip, and we got to enjoy it from the confines of a four-door VW sedan and the center section of a 767 (you can't win them all). Passport control and check-in went without incident, and we even were able to smuggle our bottle of water through to the plane. They did confiscate the lighter I bought for my father though (complete with Communist decoration). Flammable liquids next to clothing in an enclosed space (I don't see what the problem is...do you?).

The 13-hour flight went well for the four of us (Me, Sara, Elijah, and the Benedryl), and he slept about 6 hours in the middle of the flight. LAX Customs was uneventful as well, and we passed through immigration without a hitch. As we wheeled the luggage cart around the corner to where all the people were waiting, I was flooded with emotion. Seeing my boys and my family standing behind the glass was unforgetable. Waving and cameras flashing. I felt like a rock star! OK, so it wasn't exactly for me. Elijah was quite the rock star. He took to everyone well, and many hugs were exchanged.

We have been home now for 3 days, and I am happy to announce that things are going really well. Better than we could have hoped or expected. Misha is adapting extremely well. He's loving his new surroundings (with the exception of the dogs...he's still getting used to them). He is such a bright ray of sunshine. Took him to church for the first time tonight, and we were able to introduce him to so many of our friends. It was incredible. He was in rare form, running and laughing and goofing around (which he does well). All of our friends have been so involved in this adoption from the beginning, and to be able to share him with them finally after 2 1/2 years of waiting was just as special to them as it was to us. Just a great time of rejoicing over God's faithfulness.

Even though we feel like a major part of this adoption process is over, God is definitely not done with us. He's still speaking, like through our pastor tonight. One of the passages we looked at tonight was from Galatians. It says "Bear one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ". Galatians 6:2. What a huge statment. Not "and thus do something good" or "and thus make God kind of happy", but "fulfill the law of Christ". What a summation of what Christianity is all about. The law is fulfilled when we bear one another's burdens. Just as Christ bore the burden of our sins upon the cross, we experience Christ in His fullness when we are bearing each others burdens. And there are so many friends that have born this adoption burden with us along the way. It brings me so much joy to know that your actions have not only pleased God, but served to strengthen your understanding of who He is and what this life is all about. To all those that have born our burden, bring yours on. I can't wait to shoulder some load for you...

JP

Heading out to Sea (the last entry from Russia)

2008-06-10T10:05:00.001-07:00

Sunday got us out again sightseeing. We wanted to take the typical “In front of St. Basil’s Cathedral” picture of Elijah, so we took the subway to the heart of Moscow to Red Square. When we arrived, we all realized that we were horribly underdressed for the occasion (it’s June for Pete’s sake!). We decided to cut our losses, buying some quick souvenirs and then hopping the train back to the hotel.

As is the case with Moscow weather (we soon realized), by afternoon it was beautiful and warm. So we headed back to Red Square and got the necessary snapshots and video. Pizza for dinner (again, and by Sara’s wishes the last time) and some play time in the lobby with the boys.

Monday morning started with catching our first glimpse on our boys back home on the webcam since we have been here. It was absolutely wonderful! We exchanged goofy faces to each other, and it was just like being in the room with them. Just seeing them gives me the recharge to push through these last few days. Later that morning, Dennis and I were off to the Russian Consulate to register our children (a process we found out we could have done at home, but our agency is one of the few that require it get done here…we could have gone home on Saturday otherwise). But, as we have said all along, Misha is the child God had in mind for us, and this is what it takes to get him home. Who are we to doubt the plan God has for this child?

Sara, Elijah, and I decided to head out on our own in the afternoon to Arbat Street again to pick up the last few souvenirs that we wanted to bring home. It was such a wonderful day. The weather was beautiful, and Elijah was just at peace during the trip. We were a family, the three of us, and it felt great! I can’t wait to experience that as a family of 6 soon.

Tuesday dawned with big sightseeing plans for our last day. It was supposed to be cold on Monday, and warmer on Tuesday. Instead, it was the other way around. We arrived to Red Square under overcast skies and leaning into a stiff wind. But nothing was going to deter me from my plans. We walked the perimeter of the Kremlin, along the Moscow River, and to a huge Russian Orthodox Church called the Cathedral of Christ our Savior. We went inside, and it was absolutely breathtaking. Service was in progress, and the smell of incense mixed with chanting and singing in Russian and breathtaking colors was truly memorable.

Later to a statue of Peter the Great keeping watch over the River and back to the Kremlin to see the changing of the guard at the tomb of the unknown soldier. No time to tour the Kremlin though (we’ll have to do that next time when we are retired, 65, and touring Russia for the memories).

That catches up to me writing this entry right now while Misha takes his afternoon nap. We head to the airport tomorrow morning for our early afternoon flight back home. It’s hard to believe that we have spent a month here in Russia (don’t get me wrong, it has felt like a month and then some). It’s just weird how I have found myself adapting to the culture and language in such a short period of time. How I am finding sights to be familiar, and I am getting comfortable maneuvering through the city. I miss home and I can’t wait to get on that plane and head back to my boys. But I thank God for the opportunity to experience something so far beyond anything I ever would have thought or dreamed I would do. And I couldn’t have done it without Him. For the last two years, He has remained faithful through all the ups and downs (at times it seemed like more downs than ups), and I have experienced His hand working so tangibly every step of the way. It took bringing a little orphan boy home to our family for me to truly realize how much God is at work in our lives, and how much he wants to do in our lives if we just give him the opportunity.

I am a holder at heart. I like to be under and in control of situations. Yet that’s not what it is about. There is one out there who is stronger than I am. There is one out there who is smarter than I am. There is one out there who sees the big picture, from beginning to end and everything in between. And over the past 2 ½ years I have fought him for control of this adoption. And every time I couldn’t hold on anymore, he showed that he had a hold all along. I am again reminded of a comment by C.S. Lewis

"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

I have been playing in the mud my whole life, but I am happy to say that I have stepped out in faith and followed my Father to the sea. I have not arrived yet, but I have caught glimpses of that shimmering horizon over the hills and on top of the valleys. I am a lot closer than I have ever been. I can smell the salt and hear the waves in the distance. And I know for sure that I don’t want to go back my slum. I know that there are many hills and valleys that stand in front of me before I reach the sea, but my Father’s leading the way, and I trust him with my life…

JP

Keeping Time

2008-06-08T21:21:00.000-07:00

Friday came, and we mentally prepared ourselves to brave the Russian Subway on our own and venture to Arbat Street, tourist trap #1 in Moscow, to scout out and bargain for souvenirs. 3 stops and one line change and we were there, or at least across a huge, busy street from Arbat Street. We decided to take the long way around, and it was truly the long way around. What’s a few extra calories burned? This trip ended up being more of reconnaissance mission, but we managed to talk down a few items and left feeling rather proud or our “let’s make a deal” skills.

After lunch, it was off to the good ol’ USA (in a manner of speaking). We went to the U.S. Embassy to get Elijah’s visa. What an experience sitting in a room with 15-20 American families, all brimming with excitement and sagging with exhaustion at the same time, committed to a single purpose (and speaking English. Ahhhhhh, English). To bring these little orphans to forever homes. One family back for a third time to pick up the older sister of their other two adopted children. Another bringing home twin sisters. What a positive and uplifting experience. Just a healthy reminder on those tough days that you’re not the only one pushing through, and that there are other families out there for others boys and girls that need homes.

That night we said goodbye to our new friend, Becki, and her daughter, Lira, all laughing and soaked from head to toe from our walk back from KFC in the rain (when the storms hit here, they hit hard and without warning). Exchanging e-mail addresses, it’s funny how a shared situation as deep as adoption can bring people so close so quickly.

The next day, we decided to lay low. Sara was itching for a hot chocolate in the morning, but our trip across the street to coffee shop yielded no hot chocolate, or coffee for that matter. We’re still not sure what the deal was with that one. We spent the better part of the afternoon in the 4th floor lobby of the hotel visiting with another couple adopting through America World, the Mocabees, who were leaving that evening for Krasnoyarsk for the next 2 ½ weeks to bring home a boy and his two little sisters. From none to three. What a gift they are giving these little children. I applaud their faith and determination. I’m not sure I would have been up for an order that tall. How special!

Dinner at TGI Fridays yielded one of the best tasting cheeseburgers I have ever eaten, a large Coke that cost me $6, and a shirt that will never smell the same (you needed a foghorn to find your way to your table through the haze of cigarette smoke).

Today was a bit of a setback in terms of Elijah’s behavior. He reminded us of the boy we knew at the orphanage, scared and unsure of things. It was just a reminder that we can’t let up with this little boy and become complacent in how we raise him. We have to always be watching for that curveball that he’s going to throw us. But the walk home from the restaurant reminded us again what it’s all about, and that it’s going to be ok. As I carried him, he just sang at the top of his lungs to anyone within earshot, giggling and bouncing in my arms, keeping perfect time with my every step. He was a normal little boy, comfortable and safe enough with me to just let go. Wow…

JP

Diaper dancing, double-unders, and deep Theology

2008-06-06T05:24:00.000-07:00

6 am and we were up and getting ready for the day. Breakfast of oatmeal and fruit was a success (for Elijah, not us…we already know how to eat, thanks). Downstairs waiting in the lobby for our driver to take us to Elijah’s medical exam necessary for his visa, we met a woman from Tennessee bringing home a 7-year-old girl from outside St. Petersburg. We all were headed to the same medical appointments and caravanned together. What a wonderful little girl from such unfortunate circumstances. But so full of life and hope in her eyes. It makes me smile to think of the life that awaits her.

Elijah passed his medical exam with flying colors. He brings his little Fisher Price music player with him everywhere he goes, and the doctor’s office was no exception. Naked from head to toe except for a diaper and the music player in his hand, he proceeded to dance and sing his way through the exam. The doctor’s comment was “His love for music very good!” Funny how God works these children into families.

We ordered pizza to go at Sbarro across the street and ate in the 4th floor lobby of the hotel. During lunch we met a couple men from Texas and their translator. You can definitely pick out the Americans here…just a different look. They had just returned from Krasnoyarsk, where we were, doing work with a local church. They were at the end of a month-long trip to various churches in Russia, teaching and giving leadership council. We talked for about 20 minutes on the state of the Protestant church in Russia and the differences between Protestant and Russian Orthodox theology. Quite a deep discussion in between bites of pepperoni and sausage. It is definitely taking a much more grass-roots approach here since the fall of Communism. But I’m convinced that’s not all bad. It gets Christianity away from a focus on big buildings, large congregations and anonymous worship, and back to its model. Christ teaching 12 people around a dinner table and the early church meeting in homes, providing direct support to one another and meeting each other’s needs, both physical and spiritual. Pray for continued confidence on those small church leaders here as they meet with difficulties and roadblocks by the state. And thank God for the freedom that we have in the U.S. to worship as we choose.

Found a park in the afternoon with a playground, and with no fear Elijah conquered the slide. A couple times down on his behind and he realized that the thrills were too tame, so headfirst we went laughing the whole way down, Curious George in tow (unfortunately “Handi-wipes” don’t work on George’s dirty little hands and feet). We’re not sure if he’s brave or if he just didn’t know any better. Either way, it is taking a little time for us to get used to having a 2 ½ year-old again and remember that we have to watch him a little more closely. I love that so many things are new experiences for him, and my mind spins with all the “first-times” this little boy is going to have.

Evening ended with a card game called “Apples to Apples”, meeting our new friend and her 7 year-old daughter, Lira, in the 4th floor lobby. Much laughter and chasing little boys filled the lobby of this upscale hotel. I am sad to say that I lost both games, but I did get a chance to demonstrate my mad jump-roping skills with Lira’s rope, completing three double-unders in a row (that’s when you jump once but the rope completes two revolutions to you lay people), much to the awe of all present. Oh yeah! I’m the man….

JP

Back in Moscow

2008-06-05T04:32:00.000-07:00

Last day in Krasnoyarsk, and we were definitely ready to be done. We were hoping to use our last day for a little sightseeing, heading to the flea market, and heading to the park. Instead, we spent the day waiting. We had an appointment between 11 and 1 to go get Elijah’s birth certificate and passport. So we decided to spend the morning packing for our early morning flight out Wednesday. We got the passport (with the cutest little picture of him by the way), and went back to the hotel to find out that our liaisons would be coming back between 4 and 5 to collect fees. So Elijah went down for a nap, and we continued packing. Then we waited. Around 6, we were met by our liaisons, and the day was shot. We had dinner, and turned in early. So much for a bag full of Krasnoyarsk souvenirs.

Morning came at 3 am, and we were off to the airport for the early morning flight to Moscow. We can’t say that we were looking forward to the 5-hour flight, more intrigued as to how it would go. I am happy to say that it went incredibly well. We were worried that he wouldn’t sit still, but our problem was that all he wanted to do was sit still in mommy’s lap. But when mommy can’t feel her toes, it’s a bit of a problem. He slept for a good 1 ½ hours or so on the plane with minimal fussing. We thank God for that.

The hardest part was that we arrived in Moscow at 8 am, and had the rest of the day still ahead of us (it was a long one to be sure). We took the scenic route from the airport to the city (which was beautiful, but I felt like added and hour to the drive), and then straight to get Misha’s visa picture taken. That one is classic. He was not too happy at that moment to be posing for a picture, and he had a pretty good scowl on his face (our liaison here said that per Russian standards it is a perfect visa picture because Russians are very serious in their official pictures).

A three hour nap followed, and then we ventured out for dinner at the American Bar and Grill. $14 for a cheeseburger and fries, but it was worth every penny! Still getting the routine of high-chair and sitting still in a restaurant down, but it was an enjoyable meal all the same.

I must say that this afternoon I experienced my lowest moment. Just exhausted from the flight, knowing that we still have a week to go and missing my boys came to a head while Misha was taking a nap. I know that this is all part of the process, but I will admit that it is harder than I expected. From the moment we picked him up, all we have wanted to do is start being a family. But it is difficult to do that when you are still bouncing around in hotel rooms and ordering pizza to eat in the lobby because you feel like you are going to suffocate spending another minute in the hotel room. You have one hour left on the second season of “24” (yes, that is 23 hours already watched) and you are on your second book (Adam Ted Dekker if anyone is interested…great read). But mostly wanting to get Misha on a routine and get him used to what life is really going to be like at home with three wonderful brothers and two sebaka (those are dogs for you Amerikanski).

I guess that just validates what we are doing here. There is something about “home” that is different than anywhere else. It doesn’t matter what the zip code is. It doesn’t matter what the amenities are. Pick up our little Escondido “dacha” and put it here, and it still wouldn’t be home. Elijah’s orphanage had everything he needed for physical survival, but it wasn’t a home, nor was it ever going to be. Home is the whole package. Familiarity, family, routine, safety, support, love, relationship, understanding, comfort, Christ. Doesn’t everyone deserve that?….

JP

Another Video

2008-06-02T19:52:00.000-07:00

Daisies and Roses…and then some

2008-06-02T19:49:00.000-07:00

I sit here at the end of our third day with Misha, a little fussing in the background as Sara rocks Elijah to sleep and we sweat it out with no AC in the room, the window shut to keep it quiet in a day that topped at about 90 degrees with humidity. Snow flurries last week, 90 degrees with humidity this week. I guess that’s Siberia for you?

Each day has brought both promise in our new life with Misha and anxiousness to get home. We pick up Misha’s passport tomorrow, and fly out on Wednesday morning early for what seems like a pointless week in Moscow (we met a family here that will only have to be in Moscow for two days). And not a day too soon. After what has ended up seeming like an eternal party on the streets of Krasnoyarsk, culminating in a fireworks display outside our hotel window that woke us up at 11:30 at night (seeing as it’s not dark until then), we are ready for a little more peace and quiet. It seems like the fun (and the alcohol consumption) never sleeps here in Krasnoyarsk.

Three days have given us a pretty good initial read on the personality of little Elijah. He continues to be wonderful, sweet little boy with the most adorable expressions (they’re hard to catch on camera, but as soon as I have one I’ll post it). But it hasn’t been all daisies and roses, as we knew and expected from the beginning (and as the fussing that has turned to screaming behind me will attest to). He started testing his boundaries from day one, seeing what was ok and what was “niet”, often using his cute little expressions to stretch the boundary just a little farther. What he doesn’t know is that we’ve done this three times already, and we’ve seen it all. The cards are stacked against you little man (or malinky mushena as we loosely translate it into Russian).

But we’ve given him a pretty big learning curve, and due to the past 2 ½ years of his life we are focusing heavily on developing attachment with us and trust. And I’m happy to say that we are making wonderful progress. Today we had two milestones. One, he gave both of us our first kisses. It was wonderful! We had been practicing on Curious George for the past two days. He would kiss George, George would kiss us, and we would kiss him (I don’t think George minded this game all that much, but mommy knows where George has been for the last 2 ½ weeks and tries not to think about it).

Second, he bumped his head against the wall, and for the first time he came running to me crying for me to comfort him (I had to balance my concern for him with my joy in his response, but I knew he was going to live). This is a pretty common problem with institutionalized children that have had to self-soothe their whole life. That he recognizes us as here to take care of him and able to comfort him when he is hurt is huge, and it has only been three days! This is truly wonderful!

We have a long way to go and a lot to learn, but a few things are for sure. We love him with all our hearts and we will not stop loving him, no matter how hard it might get or how long it might take. And as the crying has stopped behind me and I hear the soft voice of Sara singing “Jesus loves me”, I am again reminded what it is all about. “Yes, Jesus loves me.” No matter how much I fight against him, or how patient he has to be with me he still loves me the same. Why would I do any less for my son?,.,,,

JP

The Hope Inside

2008-05-31T19:06:00.000-07:00

Well, we have completed our official 1^st day with Elijah and our second full week in Krasnoyarsk. Sara’s taking a nice long shower and Elijah’s having what we call “Misha Time”, where he goes in the space between the desk and the wall and plays toys. It’s his safe place in the room here, so we let him go there for little stretches of time to just chill. So I get a few moments to write a little update.

All things considered, things are going really well. Elijah slept in until about 6:30 am, which wasn’t too bad considering that he slept (albeit restlessly) through the night. Breakfast was hit and miss (Banana and applesauce-yes, oatmeal-no). Got him dressed for the day (he looked like a little dude), and then it was off to the business center.

After a failed attempt to upload the video I made, I had to go to the office of vital records to fill out a request form for Elijah’s birth certificate so that we can get his passport to leave Krasnoyarsk for Moscow on Wednesday.

Lunch was a bit more successful, and then we ventured out for a walk to track down diapers (this kid goes through them like they grow on trees!). We stayed off the busy roads as much as we could, and he did great. We practiced our English (bus, car, traffic, congestion, smog, danger) and played with daddy’s Mountain Dew bottle (not the big one, just a small one this time. I’m not an addict….I promise).

After a small struggle, he went down for a nap and I failed in a second attempt to upload my Misha Video to the blog. Snack time and play time in the room, and it was off to Subway for dinner. He sang songs to himself all the way there and all the way back (he’s going to be perfect for this family). Saturday night is a rager here in Kras, especially at the courtyard in front of the hotel. There was music, people dancing, and we busted out the bubbles. We took turns blowing them and busting them in midair and enjoyed some people-watching (trust me, it’s better than Venice).

Dinner time for Elijah went even better than lunch, and bathtime was a blast. So much so that we had a rough time getting out. It took a little longer to get to bed this time around (that rocking chair at home would come in handy now), but at least Sara’s getting bigger biceps.

The end of day one finds us wiser, and more in love with Elijah than the day before. Every little challenge he presents during the day is a chance for us to get a glimpse into his personality and the depth of some of his attachment and trust issues. But so far he hasn’t thrown us any curveballs. He is a little boy that grew up having to take care of himself and without the safety and love of a family. But he’s doing the best he can. And he has such a pure and wonderful heart inside him. When he smiles, we see the hope that every child has, that God loves him and there is a world out there full of wonderful and beautiful things for him to experience. He hasn’t lost that. It is still inside him, and thanks be to God and so many wonderful and supportive people that now that hope will never leave him…

Misha Video

2008-05-31T18:54:00.000-07:00

Here's a little tease....

Gotcha Day!

2008-05-30T18:58:00.000-07:00

Well, he is officially ours. We can now post pictures and video, so I thought I would put together a little video montage of our trips, up to the day we picked him up from the orphanage (this is what I've done with some of the free time here). Unfortunately, if you are reading this and there is not video, that's because it's been over an hour and the video hasn't uploaded yet. I am going to have to re-think this strategy. In the meantime, here's a detail of our day, and I will follow it up with pictures on my next post (I don't have any with me in the business center) to satisfy for now until I get the video worked out.

Ok, this video is taking way longer to upload than I expected, so I will post a quick few words. We picked up Elijah earlier than expected, at 2pm instead of 5pm, so we had to rush around to try to get things ready for his big trip. We were anxious, but excited about what lay ahead of us. He welcomed us with a few tears when we got there (not a huge surprise), but settled down when we started changing his clothes. He found that pretty fun. He said "niet" again to the shoes, but we put them on anyway and he did fine. A quick goodbye to the orphanage director, and we were down the stairs and out into the open world. He rubbed his eyes in the sun (it felt more like San Diego than Siberia in the 75 degree heat) and Sara held him as we said a prayer for him on the steps of the orphanage.

He greeted the van with arms and legs extended in flight pose. There was no way he was having the inside of the van (he likes to look at them out the window, but getting into one is another story). And after the many near misses on the roads of Siberia we've had thus far, I can't say that I blame him. He settled down, enjoying the ride back to the hotel in the safe confines of mama's arms. No throwing up on the drive! Yeah! It is a pretty common occurance, but we were spared.

We had to make a stop at the photo place to get his passport picture taken. No tears there (thank goodness), and we were off to the hotel. He greeted our room with interest, and was pretty quiet as he explored. We gave him a snack, and proceeded to head outside to see the fountains in front of the hotel. It was very busy and a little chaotic for him (we could feel his nervousness as he clung to Sara's arms), so we headed back inside to the room for the night. Dinner of soup didn't go over too well with him (I guess Uncle Ben's is a little different than orphanage soup), so we added a banana and some bread and called it a night. A little wind-down time, and he was ready to be held by Sara. She fed him a bottle (part of his attachment process), and Sara rocked him to sleep. He slept through the night until 6 in the morning. Not bad for a first night.

Elijah is finally our son. Wow....that's all I can say...

JP

Sippy Cup Games

2008-05-29T01:54:00.000-07:00

Took advantage of the morning off from going to the orphanage to call my boys. I miss them a ton, and it is so wonderful to hear their voices. Decided to explore a little, so we walked along the Yenesei River and circled our way back through the streets of Krasnoyarsk. We came across what I can best describe as a mini amusement park along our walk. We paid our 20 rubles each for entry, and walked around what ended up being a huge park filled with various “fair-style” rides and attractions, down to a train that circled the whole park and a Ferris wheel. I can’t say that I was brave enough to try out any of the rides, but there was a huge playground that we can’t wait to take Misha to as soon as he is in our care for good. Even a Spongebob balloon to be purchased if we so desire.

The rest of the afternoon was spent relaxing, and we enjoyed a wonderful Italian dinner followed by an UNO tournament, in which Sara was champion, winning four hands in a row and completely annihilating everyone.

Early the next morning, we caravanned again to the orphanage to see our boy. We were happy to see him dressed in some “boy clothes” this time. He is continuing to attach to us, and his comfort level improves every trip. Daddy got in a pretty extensive tickle session this time around. Hearing his laugh is the most wonderful sound in the whole world. We made good eye contact and his ability to relax with me improved as well. He took a fascination with the plastic flute, and I attempted to instruct him in the finer points of music making. Dodging spit flying from the tip of the flute as he waved it in the air, I was soon able to get him to blow into it (at first he would just put it in his mouth and make a noise with his voice, which always got a smile out of him and a laugh out of us). Soon he was making beautiful music (use your imagination here) and we were having a blast!

He got used to the “sippy cup” that we brought for him (we took out the valve on the inside to help him figure it out) and it soon became a fun game (to him alone) to turn it upside-down on his shirt and drip water all over himself (we would say “niet” and he would laugh). Does this sound familiar to any parents out there? The honeymoon doesn’t last long, and it’s time to start being parents I guess ( I have to admit, I would have found it a pretty fun game too, except that the ink on the front of his shirt used to mark it for his group was running all over the place and getting on his pants and anything else it touched). If this is the worst of it (and it won’t be), then I certainly can’t complain.

Spent the afternoon working on the video montage to post on the blog the day we pick him up. We are scheduled to pick him up on Friday evening, and we can’t wait. While we are a little apprehensive about having him completely to ourselves, it’s no different than any new parent the day that they take the little one home from the hospital. And the sooner he is out of the orphanage, the sooner he can start transitioning to his new life at his new home and the sooner all of our roles can be established. Instead of us being those two people that come to hang out for a few hours everyday, we can start being mom and dad. And he can finally start being a son, something that he has never been before…

JP

Angel in Pink Overalls

2008-05-27T04:37:00.001-07:00

Wouldn’t you know it, the morning that we have to get up early to head to the orphanage is the morning I have trouble waking up. I feel like I can drive the trip to the orphanage in my sleep now. Sara and I talk about our game plan in the van on the way to the orphanage and just joke around to pass the time.

Misha greets us with recognition and no tears. What a blessing! Straight into Sara’s arms he went, no problems. Smiles started early, mostly on our part. He came walking in wearing a white shirt with pink and purple stripes and little bows on the sleeve, covered by pink courderoy overall shorts, white and pink socks, and of all things, blue sandals. Needless to say, we have pictures to commemorate the occasion (we made a promise to him that moment that these pictures would not make his wedding video…we are not completely cold and heartless).

Misha and papa spent time pointing and looking outside the second-story window of the orphanage, dad showering him with kisses and stroking his hair. We walked in circles around the room dragging toys in tow, and played music together on separate xylophones. I even brought the MP3 player with headphones and introduced him to his first dose of American rock music, much to his mother’s disappointment. If he’s going to be in this family, he’s going to have to start young, right? After days of fighting with him, he let us take of the sandals and try on his tennis shoes. He was reluctant at first, but once they were on he took four steps in them, looked down, then turned and looked at us with a huge smile on his face. I think he likes them.

At the end of the visit, he spiked a little fever (we think he’s starting to get a little sick), so mama held him and rocked him. To our surprise, he fell asleep in Sara’s arms. While we felt bad for him that he was not feeling well, we were very pleased to see that he was comfortable enough in mama’s arms to relax and fall asleep. What an angel he was while he slept. He looked just like I remember my other three boys sleeping at that age. It’s all perfect.

Dinner was at Subway this time (we are so adventurous here). Our “sandwich artist” spoke English, but I pointed and grunted at the tomatoes and lettuce nevertheless and tried to do the conversion from feet to centimeters in my head (what’s a foot-long?). Braved the Mountain Dew out of the tap and was pleasantly pleased at the sandwich.

Got killed even worse this time around in Trivial Pursuit and am considering reading the questions and answers in my room before we play next time to give me an edge. No trip to the orphanage tomorrow, but back on Wednesday, Thursday, and pick him up on Friday. Not long now…

JP

The Robot in Russia

2008-05-27T04:35:00.000-07:00

Sunday dawned much like Saturday. Sara sleeping in and I getting up early. As much as I have the ability to sleep in some here, I guess getting up early is ingrained in my system. However, getting up at 7 or 8 is sleeping in for me, so I guess I’m sleeping in some. Sara took a nice hot shower (we have hot water all the time now again…yeah!) and met me in the business center as I posted blog and talked to people on the internet phone.

Lunch in the room, and we were ready to get out. It was cold and rainy all morning, but it broke a little by the afternoon and we ventured out. Past the courtyard outside the hotel and its beautiful fountains, we crossed a street lined with horse drawn carriages. Down the long stone steps flanked by bronze statues and a waterfall fountain, snapping pictures of Curious George sitting on the foot of a 15-foot tall famous Russian statue (since we couldn’t bring the boys, Curious George has been our stand-in for all the pictures that we would have taken of the boys. I have a running story going with George in my e-mails to the boys, and they love to see new pictures everyday. Who knows, maybe there’s a new Curious George book to come out of it “Curious George goes to Siberia”. I sense I bestseller in the making…). Arm and arm, we crossed the busy street and traversed the decrepit stone steps down to the Yenisei River (I think this is the first time I spelled it right).

It was cold, but we huddled close as we strolled down the birch-lined walkway, stopping occasionally to snap a picture or take some video. The beauty and peace of the moment were not lost on us. Spoke of home and boys, and how nice it will be to take Misha down here in a few days. We love to go down to Point Loma to Shelter Island or Seaport Village in San Diego and stroll the boardwalk next to the water and sit in the grass, so this afternoon felt like a piece of home (except for the temperature, or course).

Back at the room, we figured it was laundry time. Blowing up the inflatable pool we got for Misha’s bathtime, we proceeded to wash clothes, Sara in the pool scrubbing and I rinsing in the sink. We were quite a team. Even Curious George got his shirt washed. Now it will only take a week for them to dry.

Dinner found us back at the Irish Pub (KFC was closed for some reason). Sara helped me order fish (it actually turned out to really be fish this time), and the salmon was excellent. The smoky atmosphere, flashing green laser lights, and techno dance music got to my head, and on a dare Andrew (the Franks’ 7 year-old son) and I stood up in front of the DJ’s table and did “the robot” and “the running man”, very much acting the part of stupid Americans. We earned a thumbs-up from the DJ (he even got the smoke machine going for us) and a few smiles from the staff behind the bar (for Russia, I think that’s pretty good). You only live once, right?

After getting creamed by the Franks in Trivial Pursuit, we dejectedly headed back to our room, our pride in tow. Tomorrow we see Misha again in the morning, and we can’t wait….

JP

6 More Days Until We Pick Up Misha

2008-05-26T02:12:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning dawned early, much like every morning here in Siberia. It gets dark around 11:30 pm, and gets light about 4:30 am. Makes for a long day, especially a weekend day like today where we don’t get to go to the orphanage. A glance out our 7th story window showed it to be rainy, cold, and cloudy. With Sara dead to the world, I proceeded to the business center to call my boys, but unfortunately it does not open until 10 on the weekends. Three books, the laptop, and the portable DVD player help to pass the time. I just keep reminding myself that I’m not going to have a break from regular life like this for a long time, maybe never, so I’m doing my best to cherish the down time.

Meals are always an adventure. I hate to say it but I didn’t learn as much Russian as I should have. Sara knows more than I do, yet I always manage to be the one that has to communicate. Luckily, the hotel restaurant has English translations of all their dishes, or the best equivalent (I couldn’t quite figure out what “waving bacon” was. I keep picturing the truck of pigs we passed on the way to the Moscow airport, hooves aloft in salute to us). We decided to try the Borsch, a famous Russian soup made mostly of beets, with meat and sour cream mixed in for good measure. I must say, I was pleasantly surprised and found it to be a tasty treat. Russian food has been very interesting for us thus far. What we have come to realize is that to the Russians, everything needs to be the same temperature, or close to it. The cold drinks are lukewarm, and the hot food comes out room temperature. It’s taken some getting used to. Us picky Americans.

We ventured out on the streets to find the children’s store (again, with me getting the directions from the hotel front desk). It turned out to be a big, three story indoor mall with everything from clothes, to DVD’s, to toys, to strollers, and everything in between. The big surprise was the price relative to the U.S.. An umbrella stroller that would run you about $10 at WalMart in the U.S. runs you $50 here in Krasnoyarsk. We didn’t buy anything, but at least we know where to go in an emergency (the highlight was the life-size stuffed ALF from the early 90’s T.V. show).

We met another couple from the U.S. that had just completed their own adoption of an 18-month-old and were heading out the next day for Moscow. We agreed to all have dinner together at the California Pizza Kitchen (yes, the California Pizza Kitchen. Trust me, we’re going to be sick of pizza by the end of this trip). Believe it or not, the California map on the wall had Escondido on it. Wow, it almost felt like being home (ok, not really). The pizza was excellent, and on the way we located the KFC and the Subway, so between these three we should be set for the next week-and-a-half.

The day ended with an authentic Russian ice cream cone from a corner stand, complete with the hammer and sickle on the package. The cone was soft instead of crunchy, the ice cream was fluffier, and it had jam inside. Strawberry. I must say, different but yummy all the same.

Tomorrow promises to be much of the same, with hopefully warmer temperatures and better weather conditions. Sometimes it blows my mind to think about where we are. WE’RE IN SIBERIA! Of all places. And we’ve been in Russia for over a week-and-a-half! It’s crazy to think of the journey that has brought us here. That God would have chosen this little boy halfway across the world for our family, and lead us here to this very moment in time. I know that I easily get stuck in my own little world and all the “important” things that it contains, yet I so often forget that there is so much more going on than what I see or think or feel or comprehend. And to be a part of something that has extended so much further beyond my own little circle of existence has truly been a blessing. I am so glad that so many others of you have chosen to be a part of this journey. To be a part of a much larger plan. All of the little journeys that will begin from this one journey. What an exciting time! I can’t wait to see what God has in store for the lives of those of you that we have hopefully touched with our journey and our story. He’s got big plans for you too, if you just let him work…

JP

Breakthroughs and Learning

2008-05-24T21:14:00.001-07:00

Only 1 day behind now. Also, here's a picture of us in front of the courthouse (after the decision...that's why we're smiling)

Today was day 4 with Misha, and it was a day of breakthroughs and learning. By this time, our visits with Misha are running the risk of becoming “more of the same”. We are limited to the one room with its toys and its small area. No going outside. No venturing anywhere new. We are bringing the same toys to increase his familiarity with them and to increase his comfort level. Mostly, we are just focusing on developing attachments and bonds with him. But in some ways it is difficult, because this is still “his turf”. In his mind, there is still some ownership to this place as “his” home. It makes it difficult to begin to establish him in his new life with us.

But the closed environment has some benefits. We visited Misha in the morning this time, and when we arrived the room was being used for a puppet show for the kids. Three of the orphanage workers were putting on a show for the children, complete with music and singing. We were confined to one half of the room while various groups of children came in to watch the show. We did our best to play with Misha, but it was soon very clear that the amount of stimulation from the puppet show going on in the room, mixed with the fact that we gave him access to all of his toys in the suitcase was becoming too much for him. He became very quick in his movements, had trouble focusing on one thing, and was very wiggly in our arms.

Both Sara and I recognized what was happening, so Sara picked him up and took him to a corner of the room to hold him. As the children filed out and things calmed down, Sara fed him a snack and held him in her arms. She immediately noticed a change come over him. He calmed down, and began to relax. According to Sara, it was the first time that she felt that he truly relaxed in her arms. He willingly laid his head against hers, and she said that if she had kept it going, he probably would have fallen asleep. That is such a positive step, both in us learning first hand about how he responds to varying levels of stimulation and knowing that we can bring him down when it gets too high.

We have read a number of books regarding attachment in children from orphanages, and it was amazing to see how “by-the-book” his behaviors have been thus far. It makes us feel somewhat prepared for the work that this transition is going to be. And it truly helps us understand what is really going on inside of Mikhail so that we can approach it in the right manner. As hard as this waiting period is, it is not without its benefits.

We are scheduled to pick up Mikhail on Friday. At that point, we will be able to post pictures of him on the blog, as the adoption will be officially complete. Please keep checking up until then.

JP

The First Day of the Rest of our Lives

2008-05-23T20:47:00.001-07:00

Please start 2 posts down, as I posted all three of these in a row on the same day. This keeps it in chronological order….if you are interested.

Today is day one of life with Misha as our official son. At this point, it still hasn’t fully sunk in that court is done. There aren’t any more major hurdles. At least he is our son. All other hurdles will regard getting him home, but they are minor and we should have no problems with those. The staff here in Russia has it down pretty well. The liason in Moscow has assisted in thousands of adoptions, so he knows what he is doing.

The day started with a small breakfast down in the restaurant (all our breakfasts are small because are choices are limited by American standards….we’re so picky). We then had the bright idea to hike across the river to the Hotel Krasnoyarsk to post e-mail and blog. We did it yesterday, but let’s just say the weather was a little different yesterday. When we reached the middle of the Yenesi River, the wind was so stiff we could hardly walk in a straight line. And it was cooooold. We were relieved to reach the hotel and thaw. Needless to say we experienced our first Russia cab ride, which our driver later told us we overpaid for, but we didn’t care. We were just happy to be dry and warm.

We arrived at the orphanage about 3 pm, eager to see what the reaction would be this time around. Half optimistic that we would make more progress, half dreading a negative setback. I am happy to say that the first held true. Only about a minute of crying, and he started to relax. The smiles came much quicker this time. The interaction much more easy and relaxed. More communication. More personality. He loved the raisins. He started with feeding Sara and I, and then decided if we weren’t falling over dead, he’d give it a go. Then he slammed them.

Playtime was much more interactive. He moved much quicker around the room, pulling down stuffed animals and going down the slide into the pit of balls. The best way I can describe it…he’s starting to act like a 2-year-old. And that is a wonderful thing. We are realizing that he is used to having things his way. We were told by his caretaker on the visit before court that he is the head of his group. We are definitely starting to see that more and more. He is definitely in for a transition, but we are well aware of some of the issues that we are going to face, and we feel confident that we can rise to the challenge.

JP

Court

2008-05-23T20:45:00.000-07:00

We returned from the orphanage, heads spinning with the visit and the potential questions from the judge tomorrow. I attempted to type e-mails to my boys on the laptop on our drive back to Krasnoyarsk, and after hitting the business center at the Hotel Krasnoyarsk (where we were supposed to stay) to e-mail, we headed to California Pizza Kitchen for dinner. The pizza was excellent, though the nerves about tomorrow made the experience a little less enjoyable.

Returning to the hotel, it was cram time. I sat down with the questions we had jotted down on the drive, and proceeded to pen answers to all of them. By the end of the evening, my eyes were crossing and my brain had turned to mush. So I put it down and decided to get some sleep. Tomorrow would come either way, and I needed to be rested.

Sleep came fairly quickly at first, but in fits and starts after waking up at about 2 am. It was a little before 8 am when I decided to give up the fight. Sara slept a grand total of 1 hour during the night, surrendering the battle at about 5 am. Our driver was set to pick us up at the hotel at 11:30, so we had time to spare. I finished the answers to the remaining questions, and proceeded to study them so that, given the intimidation of standing before the judge, at least I wouldn’t have to come up with something off-the-cuff.

Nerves zapped my appetite, but I managed a small cup of yogurt and some water. Nothing could have prepared me for the stress that I felt that morning. It’s crazy. With God in the driver’s seat all along through this process, you would think that I would have been resting secure. But, when you have spent nearly 2 ½ years preparing for something like this, and you know that future of a child is at stake and it all comes down to this moment, it can be a little overwhelming. Through prayer I tried to calm myself and trust that God had lead us this far, and he was not going to back down now.

Many times through this process I have felt like a battle waged for the life of Mikhail, one side wanting him to come home to a loving family and one side wanting him to stay alone in the orphanage, without a hope. I just prayed that this battle would be won before we even set foot in the courtroom, and that what was right and what was true would win out over what was evil and what desired misery. I prayed that Satan would be bound from the courtroom completely. That when those doors shut, he would be gone.

We arrived at the courthouse shortly before 12 pm, when the first hearing before the judge would begin. We were not sure who would be first, us or the Franks. Both of us hoping secretly inside that we would go first and get it over with. We reached the outside of the courtroom and were informed the Franks would be going first. Just what I wanted, another hour to sit and think. I tried to put my head back and pray, but weariness from all the stress began to sink in. I wanted to be alert and fresh for the hearing when it was our turn, so I grabbed my cheat-sheet and began to pace up and down the hall, answering the questions in my head. The Franks’ son, Andrew (he’s 7 years old), thought it was a pretty fun game, so he joined me in my pacing. We two, in suits and ties, must have looked like quite a pair, wearing a groove in the stone tile floor and appearing a bit odd to the casual onlooker. But I will be forever grateful for the smile that he brought to my face and a small, but much needed break from my apprehension that he provided. Thanks Andrew.

Shortly under one hour later, the Franks were finished. They exited the room, and I almost threw-up. After a long deliberation of one minute from the judge, they returned to the courtroom. Andrew was the first to come out with a huge smile on his face. We exchanged high-5’s as he said “Dmitry gets to be ours!” Inside I was so happy for them. Their process was just as long and daunting as ours, and to know that this little boy was going to such a wonderful family was cause for celebration. But in my fear of what was to come, I only managed a simple “congratulations”. I know they understood.

Sara and I entered the courtroom, holding our heads up high in mock confidence. We took our seats in front of the judge’s bench. The translator was seated to my left. A table on my left held our Krasnoyarsk liason, the orphanage director, and the representative from the Russian Ministry of Education. The secretary in front and to the left, the prosecutor in front and to the right in bright blue uniform, and Judge directly in front on the elevated bench below a Russian seal. Before the cotton in my mouth could fully form, the proceeding began.

Questions flew and were translated. Answers flew and were translated. I got choked up once while detailing my boys’ feelings toward Misha. Sara struggled to explain “home schooling” to the judge. Discussions were sparked in Russian between all those present about why more Russian families don’t adopt these children and their foster care system and what can be done to change things. More questions, more answers, more translating. I had never felt so lifted up in prayer in my life than during that moment. I knew that so many back home were staying up late, praying for us. And I felt it in a way so powerful I was at times struck dumb with awe. Over an hour had passed before we were dismissed. Our minute passed, and we returned to hear the verdict.

YES!

We shook hands and exchanged hugs with all that were present, and left the courtroom with feelings too great to put into words. In the blur of time that passed, we took pictures outside the courtroom. Curious George sat on the steps and posed, amidst much pointing and laughter from Russian onlookers. But I didn’t care. Misha was ours! For the first time, we could say for certain and forever that “Misha is our son”.

Misha Smiled

2008-05-23T20:43:00.000-07:00

2:00 pm was slow in coming on Monday. Still trying to get on schedule, I woke up at 5 am ready to start the day. Put myself through a workout in the dark in the room to prepare myself for the cold shower (The city provides all the hot water to all the buildings. No building has its own hot water supply. For this week, they are doing repairs and maintenance on their systems so there is no hot water anywhere). Needless to say, if I wasn’t fully awake before my shower, I was afterwards. Another luxury I have taken for granted, but never again. Breakfast in the hotel is always an experience. We kind of recognize what’s edible at the buffet now, and we are a little more daring. Slathering jam over everything makes it all taste like raspberry, so we’re usually good. I dig the drinkable yogurt, and I’m becoming quite the tea coniseur.

After much thumb twiddling, our drivers arrived for our trip to Sosnovoborsk, where the orphanage (Baby House #5) is located. This was also crunch time for court tomorrow. Notebooks flew out as Yelena spat out questions that the judge might ask, and our translator interpreted. We answered as best we could for rehearsal, and were told what to and what not to say. We all felt a little nauseated when we arrived, a healthy combination of nerves from the drive and the winding roads of Siberia. But we couldn’t wait to see the boys. The familiar booties over our shoes were a welcome sight. We knew the drill. The Franks caught sight of their little boy, Dmitry, as he was being led up the stairs to the meeting room. He was being led hand in hand with another child with a big yellow bow in her hair. I had to do a double take. Knowing how they dress the children here at the orphanage, I wasn’t taking for granted that it could have been Misha in the green dress and bow (thankfully it wasn’t). Up the stairs we went, nerves clicking away.

Misha was waiting for us in the room, sitting with a caretaker in a chair to the right of the door. Sara went in first and saw him. She went right to him, expecting and receiving the same response as before. She picked him up and placed him in her lap in the chair, holding him close as I got the video camera going (my usual job at the beginning). He settled down very quickly, but clung to Sara as the little monkey he was before. I approached him much quicker than before and was able to make physical contact after only a couple minutes. No holding though, let’s not be silly.

I left the room for a minute to use the restroom, and I was walking down the stairs I had a moment to contemplate and pray. Seeing him again and seeing the response the same as it was the last two times, I got discouraged. I started to wonder if this was going to be it. If this was the best we were going to hope for. I can’t remember what I prayed, but I just needed some clarity about how to proceed from here. And as I headed back up the stairs and into the room, thinking about Misha and some of the attachment books that I had read, it all came into perspective for me. The past two visits were spent trying to get him to do things, to play with things, to eat things. Both by us and by the orphanage workers. Trying to get him to perform for us. See what he does. But that’s not what it’s all about. We know that we love him. We know that we want him to be our son. All we need to do is start loving him. If that means holding him for two hours so that he can feel us, smell us, see us, get used to us, than that’s all we need to do…that’s all he needs to do.

So when I sat down with him again, I decided that it was just time to be myself, to be his dad. He doesn’t need to win my love. I need to love him. I sat on the floor near him and talked to him as Sara held him, touched his arm and his hands, showed him pictures of our last trip to meet him, looked him in the eyes. I’m here for you, and I will always be here for you. I’m not going to leave you, ever. I’m going to sit with you until the end of my days.

And that’s what we did for the next 30 minutes or so. And you should have seen the change. His face gradually relaxed. His body became less tense, more relaxed. As he stood in Sara’s arms while she sat on a low chair, he gradually relaxed into her arms. She decided to give him a little tickle, and we saw a little smirk. I told Sara, and she did it again. This time, a bigger smirk. Keep going, I said. Trying hard not to break his stoic countenance, he fought back a smile as Sara’s fingers dug into his ribs. But he was no match. The next thing we knew we saw a full-tooth smile break free, and it was as if his spirit came forth from behind a huge wall. It was cracking and crumbling. I told Sara to keep going. The wall was giving way. And then it happened. He broke free with a huge smile, and threw himself back into Sara’s embrace with complete relax and abandon. It brings tears to my eyes even as I write it.

Shortly after, I took him by the hand and we walked through the room filled with toys. He found a little pull-back car the Franks brought for their little boy, and it brought a huge smile to his face. Then the most amazing thing happened. The most miraculous change came over him, and for the first time we truly saw Misha. He started to talk to us! He ran to the window, pointing and saying something. We’re not sure what he was saying, but I picked him up and we pointed out the window together. Then he was moving quickly through the room, and we took turns launching the car back and forth to each other. Smiles and babbles.

No sooner had this all started, that his caretaker came in to take him back to his group. Our first response was “NO! Not now! We just got started!” But as he ran to his caretaker, he was all smiles. And as we said “Paca, Misha!”, he was smiling ear to ear. I knew at that moment that it was all going to be ok. If even for a few minutes, he finally got to be himself. He got to experience life in the arms of the loving family that would make him theirs. And he was happy. He was content. He was loved. If making Misha smile was the last thing I got to do on this earth, then death would greet me and find me smiling and content with my life…

JP

River Walk

2008-05-20T20:24:00.000-07:00

I'm a little behind on the documentation of our trip, so this is a flashback. More to come soon...

Sunday morning we reached the hotel Krasnoyarsk, where we stayed last time we were here. To all of our surprise, we headed right past it, craning our necks and exchanging confused looks with each other. Across the river Yenesi we rolled, pulling into the parking lot of a much older, a bit more dilapidated hotel. The Tourist Hotel was the translation. No English speaking staff. No Internet or Business Center. Just a good old Russian hotel. Our home for the first five days in Krasnoyarsk, before heading to the Hotel Krasnoyarsk for the remainder of the trip. The grocery store next door was a step down from the one in Moscow next to the Marriott, but thankfully so were the prices. 4 cups of yogurt for $3.00 instead of 2 cups for $8.00. We loaded up on some food and hunkered down at the hotel for the day.

After a quick nap, Sara and I decided to take a stroll along the river just outside the hotel. What a beautiful day it was, just walking along the river and watching parents and children play on a Sunday afternoon. People are people everywhere, and I longed for my boys. The river was beautiful, except for the trash lining the shore. Those little things that you take for granted back home. Watched a young, blonde pregnant woman walking alone along the river and thought of Misha’s mom, and the unfortunate set of circumstances and choices that put her in the position to give up such a wonderful gift. How many walks like this had she taken while contemplating her situation? Why the life growing inside her wasn’t enough to motivate her to get her life together. How dire her circumstances that led her down the road she now walks. How often the innocent suffer for the sins of another. I look into Misha’s eyes and I see the eyes of the innocent, suffering by another’s choices. By God’s grace soon he’ll suffer no more…

JP

The Judge said "DA!"

2008-05-20T03:26:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the short post, but I am out of time here in the business center at the hotel. But I wanted to let everyone know that our court hearing this morning was successful! We are the official parents of Elijah Mikhail Park! We are so happy! Thank you for all your prayers and all your support. I will type up a post tonight and post it tomorrow. It will have more details. Thanks.

JP

Land of Contradictions

2008-05-20T02:55:00.000-07:00

I’m recalling a program we watched on the History Channel a few months ago. It was about the history of the Russian Tsars (an incredibly fascinating program by the way). In it, the narrator called Russia a land “filled with contradictions”. Based on our experience thus far, I must say that I have found this assessment to be 100% accurate.

We spent the afternoon on Saturday sightseeing Russia on foot, visiting Red Square and enjoying the beautiful weather. About a 40 minute walk from the hotel (none of us were brave enough to attempt to buy metro tickets alone), we definitely worked off the McDonald’s cheeseburgers we managed to order correctly (I think the Sbarro and KFC experiences built up our confidence). Another exciting drive to the airport from our driver, Vladimir, and we worked our way past security without any troubles and boarded our flight to Krasnoyarsk (breathing a sigh of relief as the bus taking us from the terminal to the airplane pulled up in front of a brand-new Airbus 321 instead of the Tupelov we flew last time).

The red-eye to Krasnoyarsk, despite a bit of turbulence (I still have the fingernail marks in my arm from Sara to prove it), was a comfortable one (not having to eat my knees the whole flight was a welcome change). Sara attempted the crab salad that was served on the plane (I was rather impressed at her daring), but that one bite almost didn’t make it down the hatch (I wasn’t so impressed at her almost vomiting all over me). With the four-hour time difference, we touched down in Krasnoyarsk, Siberia at around 5:30 am. Yelena and Serg, our liaisons here in Siberia picked us up at the airport, and we proceeded to make the 30-minute drive into the heart of town to our hotel (all of us welcoming that because no one, except for me of course, got any sleep on the plane).

This was the first time we had done the drive between the airport and Krasnoyarsk in daylight (last time it was in the heart of winter). It struck me very deeply. The sides of the road were littered with trash, some or which had obviously been there for years. We passed homes, at least what I guessed were homes, and I was floored at the poverty present here. Such a beautiful landscape was dotted with homes that had obviously been built 60 or 70 years ago, and had not been fixed up or updated in that time. The roofs looked barely intact, fences rotted and falling down, siding peeling away from the framework. All I kept thinking was “How do these people stay warm in the winter, when the temperatures drop to dangerous levels?” I was deeply saddened. I had never witnessed poverty of this level personally. And even more heartbreaking is the fact that in other parts of the world, this would be considered luxury.

As we continued on towards Krasnoyarsk, I started to think about Mikhail. I started to think about all the doubts that we have had during this adoption journey in the light of what was passing by me outside my window in the warm glow of sunrise. We are a pretty simple family. Our three-bedroom home is pretty small on a “North County San Diego” scale. It was built in the 60’s, and could use a new roof and a fresh coat of paint. The landscaping doesn’t exactly scream “curb appeal”. We’re a middle-of-the-road, single-income family living on a very fixed budget. And there have been times that I have said to myself, “Maybe Mikhail would be better off in a family that could give him more than we can.” “What if the economy turns, and we have to downgrade even from what we have?” But as we rolled through the Siberian suburbs, I felt a firm conviction in my soul. Best-case scenario, this would be his future. Worst-case scenario, he wouldn’t even survive to see a life like what I was witnessing. What I can give him may not be much on a San Diego scale, but it is half-a-world better than the alternative. I just kept saying to myself “We need to get him out of here. We need to get him out of here. We need to give him a chance.” It would be hard enough for a child with a loving family here in Siberia to make it. But for a boy with no family, no support structure, just pushed out on his own when the time came with a “good luck”. I shudder to think of the outcome.

We arrived at our hotel, and checked in to the tune of $150 per night. I thought about the $800 price tag at the Marriott and the $8 for 2 cups of yogurt we bought from the grocery store and the 8 strawberries for $75 (which we didn’t buy). I compared that in my mind to the Siberian roadside and I thought to myself, this doesn’t make sense. What a contradiction. Such expense and opulence mixed with such poverty. I always knew that I wanted to save my son, but now as our court appointment sits just one day away and I wait in anticipation for the few hours to pass before I get to see Misha today, the first time in over 5 months, I fell a sense of resolve and peace that the little I can give him will be a hundred times better than anything he would receive otherwise, and the love and support of a family crosses all barriers of income and economy to a place of love and peace that he will feel and know for a lifetime…

JP

Medicals Completed!

2008-05-17T01:52:00.000-07:00

The next hurdle in our journey has been cleared! The medical appointments are done!

Yesterday started with me trying to get my body on schedule and Sara taking advantage of the opportunity to sleep in. I was up at 5:30 am and she slept until 12:30 pm. I took the opportunity to shower, e-mail and update the blog, and even took a nap for a few hours in that time. We got a call from our friends, the Franks, to wake us up letting us know that they had arrived from Illinois. We decided to get going for our day at that time and venture to the grocery store around the corner. We bypassed the fresh octopus and squid, left the caviar for another day, and opted for two “fresh” muffins and some yogurt. All tasted good going down, and I sit here over 24 hours free of dysentery, so I think we’re ok. The highlight of the purchase was the 2-liter of Mountain Dew. The bottle’s so cool, I’m bringing it home with me.

Sara and I then decided to explore the streets a little on our own, scoping out places to eat and internet cafes. We stuck to the main street that our hotel was on, but it was wonderful to get out in the fresh air (by fresh, I mean full of cigarette smoke and diesel fumes). Passing Sbarro, Baskin Robbins, and KFC, we worked our way to a huge statue of someone famous, I’m sure. We snapped a picture of a few stray dogs in the park in front of the statue and dropped a few rubles into the hat of man playing classical guitar in an underground walkway. The tiles lining the walkway made the acoustics incredible, and the guitar reverberated all the way up the stairs to street, captivating me as I entered the darkness. Dodging cars the whole way, I found the walk more exhilarating and exciting than dangerous, and we made it safely back to the hotel.

We had a chance to visit with the Franks that evening after they got themselves rested and refreshed, which was great. We decided to brave the mean streets again and hit the Sbarro for pizza. The walk of one whole block across the street took over 20 minutes, thanks to me missing the underground walkway and working ourselves way out of the way. At least we worked up an appetite. We found what we believed to be a cheese pizza, did our best to convert centimeters to inches and rubles to dollars, and ordered caveman style (with pointing and grunting…my apologies to cavemen everywhere, no disrespect intended). We hiked back to the hotel (only 5 minutes the right way), and ate our pizza in the fourth-floor lobby just across from our room.

Sleep did not come nearly as easily the next night, drifting in and out until past four in the morning. The result was, instead of getting on schedule, we woke up again at around noon. Small lunch of bananas and a doughnut from the grocery store, and then it was sitting around waiting for our drive to the medical center for our appointment with 8 different doctors. Not knowing what we were in for, we piled into the van at 2:30 and sped through the streets of downtown Moscow to the center, visions of Russian prostate exams dancing through my head (not a good visual to be sure).

After doing our best to fill out paperwork, we waited…..and waited….and waited some more. One couple at a time, we were taken into a room, visited with a doctor for a few minutes, returned to our seats in the waiting room, watched a really bad Dolph Lundgren movie and a re-run of the X-Files (both dubbed in Russian), rinsed, and repeated 7 more times. We arrived at the doctor’s office around 3:00 pm, and hopped in the van to return to the hotel at about 6:30pm, 3 ½ hours later, having touched our nose with our fingers and eyes closed at least 4 times, saying “niet” to virtually every question that they had, palpating lymph nodes I didn’t even know I had, and having both of my shins examined (still can’t figure out what that one was for). We all passed!!!!

Relieved, we accompanied the Franks to KFC, did our best to order chicken sandwiches, fries, and water (still, not carbonated….she didn’t understand what I was talking about and I got carbonated). A brisk walk back, and we were all ready to turn in. We are done with Moscow for now. Tomorrow it is off to Krasnoyarsk. We are all so excited, and the anticipation keeps growing the closer we get.

We have had so much headache, heartache, and stress in this process, and it has all threatened to leech any amount of joy right out of what we are doing. But yesterday I decided that I was putting that all behind me. I’m not going to let anything take away the joy of giving a little boy a home, even though it seems as if the evil of this world desires to keep him confined where he is, with no hope or future, and no chance to see what God had done in his life so far and what God has planned for him for the future. It has been a long road, but by the grace of God we are going to bring this little boy home with the knowledge that we now have the strength to handle anything that life might throw at us with this little boy, and that the strength of our love for both God and him are going to weather us through any storm. More to come…..

JP

Renewed Purpose

2008-05-14T19:59:00.001-07:00

This morning I woke up with a renewed sense of purpose (A good night sleep will do that to you). This past two weeks, spanning the time from when we got the court date until now has been one of the most trying two weeks of my life, both with adoption stuff and stuff outside of the adoption. So much so that both Sara and I were concerned that we would arrive to Russia and everything in our bodies would shut down. All the adrenaline that we had been living on for the past two weeks would be used up and we would collapse. But it was the prayers of friends and family that got us through these past two weeks, and I know that it is what will sustain us through these next four.

I know that these next four weeks are going to be fraught with their own sets of trials and complications (It already started last night with finding out that we would be paying double for our rooms for the first two nights). But we are at the final stage. The end is near. I can feel it as we get closer to Mikhail. I can feel the emotion welling up in me like a geyser. All of the work we had to do at home and all the waiting had sapped that from me, but I can feel it all coming back. And it’s wonderful. This thing that we are doing is supposed to be filled with joy. And while the battles that have been waged thus far have threatened to steal that joy from us, I sit here today and tell you that I won’t let it. Misha will be getting a home soon. That’s call for celebration.

JP

Familiar Territory

2008-05-14T19:57:00.001-07:00

So we said goodbye to our three boys, ages 8,7, & 6, and hopped on a plane to bring home number four. With Curious George in tow to help us document the trip for them, we entered familiar territory in the bowels of the international terminal at LAX. I can honestly say that experience goes a long way. Even though we have only done this one other time, everything felt comfortable and familiar, with the stress level being much less than before. And knowing that every step we took was bringing us one step closer to Misha, that didn’t hurt at all. The wait for the flight was actually nice. Sara and I had a chance to unwind a little, and a chance to talk without the insanity of the past two weeks swirling around us. There was nothing more we could do.

We boarded our Aeroflot flight (even the smell inside the airplane was familiar) and took our seats on the same side of the plane as last time. Even the food looked and tasted the same. 13 hours went by as quickly as it will, with Sara sleeping for a grand total of one hour and I catching 5 or 6 (Sara’s not bitter at all). After an uneventful trip through passport control (same smiling, welcoming face behind the glass to greet me) and a walk through customs (with an official giving me instructions in Russian and me shrugging my shoulders and giving my best “I’m a stupid American” half-smile before waving us through) we found our familiar-looking driver with our name clipped to his shoulder engrossed in his earphones and a magazine (same driver that took us to the airport last time for our flight to Krasnoyarsk). Due to this fact, we knew what the journey to the hotel would hold for us. Traffic clogged the highway into Moscow from the airport, but don’t think for a moment that stopped our driver from his mission. The car rattled quite a bit, but that would be expected when you spend as much time driving two wheels on the road and two wheels on the dirt shoulder as our driver did. Not exactly easy on the shocks and struts (there’s the extent of my automobile knowledge). The Marriott looked the same. I even recognized the receptionist and one of the bellhops. And certainly the price looked familiar! Same style room (though I swear they got smaller since we were here last), same pay-extra-for-it TV and pay-through-the-nose wireless internet access (which I am refusing to use as a matter of principle). Same not-quite-warm-enough room and not-quite-enough-blankets bed, but thankfully the same abundance of fluffy pillows.

It’s strange to be in a foreign country and have so much feel familiar to you. But our last trip to see Misha for the first time was so incredibly memorable, I can feel its details so firmly etched in my soul. Everything just feels right. Like we are supposed to be here. And I know that we are. I just can’t wait for that familiar sight of seeing Misha’s face again, and knowing that this time it will be forever…

JP

We got our documents!

2008-05-14T10:55:00.000-07:00

I would say that we have had enough drama over the past week to last us a lifetime. I'm writing this post from the LAX airport in Los Angeles. At least that gives away the ending to our story a little.

Document #1, the agency license for our social worker agency arrived, signed, sealed and apostilled on Monday. It was signed by the official signer and his signature was notarized, so we met their expectations for that one. It is in our hands, ready to be hand-delivered to the court.

Document #2, the criminal background check for both Sara and I were completed and arrived signed, SEALED, and delivered this morning at 9:45. I was able to reach a live person at the Attorney General's office on Monday morning, and found out that we were given the wrong background check form. We were given the one for our own personal review, not the official one for foreign adoptions (It would have been nice to know this a long time ago). After getting an approval from his supervisor, the officer at the AG office was able to overnight me the new background checks, complete with embossed seal and everything. I was able to zip down to San Diego to have them apostilled, and got back home just in time to pack up the van and head to the airport.

So here we sit. Needless to say, we are starting to feel a bit relieved. The nerves about the next part of the trip are definitely there, but overall it has been an incredible relief. I can't say enough about how important all of your prayers and help have been to us. We had so many people step forward and offer to help out in any way that they could. So much selflessness by so many people. Christ loves us with a selfless love, one that involved giving his life so that we might have life. And the fact that so many people demonstrated love in kind towards us fills me with hope and joy that our world hasn't spun so far out of control that helping our neighbor in need has become a thing of the past (I'll include the story of our visit to the doctor to get our pre-trip medical tests signed off on in a later post. It will really illustrate what I'm talking about). I can't wait to repay the love to all of you sometime in the future.

While our heart aches a little, having to say goodbye to our three wonderful boys for a whole month, we are excited about the journey ahead of us. We are confident in what God has in store for us in Russia. Based on the journey so far, we know that it won't be easy. But He has been in our corner all alone, and we know He is going to see it through until the end. Thanks, friends, for all your love and support. Keep up the prayers. We will need them for this last leg...