Big Milestones!!

Yesterday marked a very big milestone in Elijah's life. He officially has been home with us longer than he was in the orphanage! It's amazing to think how long that has truly been. It seems like forever since we brought him home. I am so torn with my emotions over this day. I want to celebrate the fact that we are moving so far beyond his life in the orphanage and that he has made so many huge strides in becoming the little boy that God has planned for him to be. Everyday we observe new positive changes in his behavior and in his demeanor. He is more relaxed than he has ever been and is not afraid to show his true feelings whether it's truly happy, sad, mad, or afraid. Everyday we see proof that God is breaking down the walls of his heart and answering our prayers by filling the holes that we can not fill or even see. After 2 1/2 long years we are finally seeing his little light shine. He now asks lots of questions about his life in the orphanage and about God. He wants to know things like why Jesus loves him so much? And how he can go to heaven when he dies; he wants to take a taxi. Yet at the same time not losing his control by asking "Do I have to go to heaven?". He has started to say little comments like " I remember seeing lots of babies in their cribs in the orphanage" making us believe that he might remember more about his life in the orphanage than we originally thought. I celebrate this day because God has surely "set the lonely in families" Psalm 68:6 when he brought him home to us.

On the other hand there are still times when we see many of the effects of him being in the orphanage for so long. I question things like "When will he stop obsessing over food?" "When will he let go off his fears of being loved and held by his mom?" It breaks my heart that I can't hold him and love on him like I do with my older boys. That he is so threatened by me that he feels he needs to hit me or say something mean like "I don't like you" when I sit down next to him to read him a story. I praise God everyday that (and question God everyday why) he choose me to be Elijah's mom. While on one hand I celebrate today, I am also broken-hearted at the realization of how long those 2 1/2 years really were for Elijah. The loneliness, and fear, not to mention malnutrition and the painful effects of being born drug-addicted that he had to endure all alone is overwhelming to me as a mom. While I am now free, just as Elijah is, to move far beyond the damaging effects of the orphanage and into the life that God has promised "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11, I am thrown back into the orphanage because now Alexander has taken Elijah's place and is suffering the same way. I pray for Alexander everyday that God will hold him in His arms until I get there to bring him home. I praise Him for the fact that one day I will post that Alexander is home and moving on beyond his time in the orphanage.

SP

Then....



and now...