School Begins

Wow, has it been that long since I have posted?

So it has. With the day-to-day grind in full force, everything becomes something of a blur. As a homeschooling family, we stay pretty busy throughout the day. The start of school at the beginning of August has definitely shown itself in Elijah's behavior. Now that our attention is getting spread a bit more evenly, we have seen more of a backslide in his behavior. Nothing terrible, just little things. He is definitely showing his age more, being more vocal when he thinks his ideas are better than ours. We believe that most of this has to do with the change in attention, so we are making sure we are stepping up the one-on-one time to make up for the school time.

His attachment continues to improve with both of us and with his brothers. His six-year-old brother and him don't always see eye-to-eye (too much alike in their stubbornness), but they are playing with him a ton and involving him in their games as much as he will participate.

We have our first meeting with our church staff to discuss our adoption ministry that we are starting at our home church of Emmanuel Faith Community Church in Escondido. We hope to provide resources for couples struggling with infertility or just considering adoption, as well as support for those in the process of and finished with adopting, both here and abroad. We have one couple that has adopted both of their boys on board, and we are hoping that it will grow from there. Sharing God's love one person at a time.

I am still working on getting the video back up, so hang tight...

JP

La la Olympics

Apologies for not updating the blog sooner. Try as we have to not let life pile itself on us, it somehow always manages to creep up and rear its head. That's a separate blog in itself. On to more important things...

Life with Elijah still manages to amaze us on a regular basis. We were heading along very well, attachment developing (including attachment with me since increasing my personal time with him) and adjustment to life in the family coming together. Then he woke up one morning and decided it was too hard. Just like that, he was back to the boy we brought out of the orphanage. You could see it in his face. Unwilling to be cradled, not wanting to communicate, and reinstituting the sport of "La la throwing" (maybe too much Olympic watching...who knows).

Our initial response was frustration mixed with some self-doubt. But through prayer and communication with each other, Sara and I maintained our consistency and resolved to weather the storm. Three days later he was back to the boy of four days prior, and then some. The light was back in his eyes. My attachment with him experienced more growth during his three setback days than any other. Reading books and playing toys with Elijah have been more relaxed than ever, and he is initating more physical contact on his own, without me having to ask for it. The highlight for me was last night. For the first time in all the times I have done holding time before bed, he snuggled himself up to my neck and chest and fell asleep in my arms. Wow! The kind of feeling that could warm you on top of Mt. Everest.

Just because Elijah is home doesn't mean the highs and lows are over. I guess it's God's way of keeping us on His page and not our own.

We are also beginning a medicine regimine for a couple intestinal parasites that he came home with. We pray that he takes the medication and this gets cleared up fast (both mom and Elijah are done with the dysentary)...

JP

Video Not Available

To those who did not get a chance to watch the video on the myspace.com/parkadoption site, I'm sorry to say that it is no longer available. It has been blocked due to copyright restrictions (the music that I included with the video). So I'm happy for those of you that got to see it. If I can come up with any more ideas, I will update later. If anyone has any ideas, let me know.

JP

Be Still

All along this adoption process has been as much a spiritual journey for me as it has been a physical journey for Elijah. He has gained a family and I have gained a closer understanding of who God is.

My efforts at enhancing attachment with my new son have been extremely rewarding. In fact, just the other day he ran up to me without any coercing, arms outstretched as I was sitting on the couch, wrapped his little arms around me and gave me a hug and a kiss, then went on his merry little way. It floored me. Little steps.

Nighttime with me is going much better as well, with the snuggle time being much more relaxed and special. But a few nights ago he was not too happy with me putting him to bed instead of mommy, and he was showing his displeasure by complaining, fussing, and fidgeting in my lap in an attempt to get away. During these times I find it helpful to just pray out loud over him and talk softly to him. And during this particular time the words "Be still" came to mind. I found myself just saying this softly over and over to him while he struggled against my arms. And in that moment I looked down on his face and I saw myself. In him I saw all of my anxieties, all my fears, all my inadequacies, all my failures, all my futile attempts to be in control of every aspect of my life, all the times I take things from the hands of God and place them back in my own. I sat with Elijah, knowing full well that he was safe in my arms, that he was loved unconditionally, that he was taken care of and that his needs were going to be met. Yet I couldn't convince him of that fact and he thought he knew better. And I thought to myself, "isn't that just like me?". Me struggling with all my burdens and God sitting over me saying "Be still", promising to love me unconditionally, promising to take care of me, and promising to meet my needs while I complain, fuss, and struggle.

It just reminds me how important it is for me to continue to work on my attachment with my Father...

JP

"Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10)

Never Tire

I'm sorry it has been so long since I've posted an update. Elijah continues to thrive here in sunny SoCal (he's even getting a little bit of a tan). His comfort level and that of our family continues to grow each day. As I know is true for most, each day that goes by we forget a little bit more that he was not a physical part of this family at one time. It seems more and more natural all the time.

He's progressing well on most fronts. His attachment with Sara is developing extremely well. He loves the physical contact from her, wanting to be held and hugged. Naptime and bedtime are going smoothly as well. Not surprisingly, things have slipped in his attachment to me though. Spending all that time in Russia with him 24/7, things were going really well for my attachment with him. But now that we are back to life here, it has been back to work for me and away from the family for a good chunk of the day. I am out the door before anyone is up, and even though I am home pretty much every day when he gets up from his afternoon nap and around for the remainder of the day, I have seen very clearly this past week that it hasn't been enough. We have started to institute some mandatory holding time for the two of us because he just doesn't want the physical closeness from me that he wants from Sara. And not that it has to be the exact same, but he still a bit wary when I pick him up or hold him. The first day was a pretty good struggle, but it only lasted about 10 minutes and he settled down. Next day was a little bit better than that.

None of this comes as a surprise to us. It is just amazing to me how subtle it all is, and how far below the surface so many things are with Elijah. I am finding that it is easy to get comfortable and to let up a little. But he is constantly reminding us that there is still so much work to be done. And even though on the outside he appears to be very happy and content, fostering the kind of bonds and attachments that we want for him in our family is going to take a lot of hard work and a lot of time. I am reminded of this verse...

"And as for you, brothers, never tire of doing what is right". (2 Thessalonians 3:13)

JP