I Am An Israelite

I am an Israelite.
I have sweated under a lifetime of fruitless labor.
I have cried out for a savior.
I have heard the spoken words of one sent to rescue me.
I have witnessed with my own eyes many signs and wonders.
I have been set free from my bondage.
I have seen waters parted for me.
I have been provided bread, meat, and water when I thought none would come tomorrow.
I have turned my back on the one who saved me.
I have been forgiven.
I have seen the Glory shining on the face of one touched by God.
I have seen the land He has promised me if I just trust Him.
But I have forgotten what He has done for me thus far.
And I have cried out "Would that we had died in the land of Egypt!"

I am an Israelite.
I have sweated under a lifetime of living for myself.
I have cried out for a savior.
I have heard the words of Jesus speak to me that he came to rescue me from myself, and told me to live for love of the less fortunate, the poor, the widows, the orphans...one orphan in particular.
I have witnessed with my own eyes God working in our adoption process from the beginning, providing in miraculous ways.
I have finally felt , after a lifetime of thinking I knew, what it truly means to live for God and in a relationship with him.
I have seen doors opened all along the way during our adoption process.
I have seen God provide for our needs, even when we were not sure how we were going to make it through the month.
I have struggled with trusting Him every day.
I have been forgiven.
I have seen the face of Jesus in that of an orphaned boy in Russia.
I have seen and visited the boy He has promised me if I just trust in Him.
But I have forgotten what He was done for me thus far.
I have cried out "It would have been easier if we never even started this process!"

Yesterday, when the gravity of not getting the much-needed adoption grant finally settled on me, I succumbed to my own selfishness and doubt. I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. But I did not see myself staring back at me. I saw an Israelite. All through my life, when I heard the story of the Israelites grumbling in the desert so soon after God's amazing provision, I in my depth of spiritual wisdom and understanding would say "What's their problem?", "Have they so easily forgotten what God has done for them?". Yet last night I sat, no different than they, and feeling horrible for it. I went to my room and opened my Bible, thumbing through the pages to find the story of me.

And there I was in Numbers 14, whining and complaining to God. And there was God's response to me "...how long will they (me) not believe in Me, despite all the signs which I have performed in their midst?" Number 14:11.

So I read on until I came to Moses' prayer for the people, and it became my prayer. "But now, I pray, let the power of the Lord be great, just as though hast declared, 'The Lord is slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, forgiving iniquity and transgression'...Pardon, I pray, the iniquity of this people according to the greatness of Thy lovingkindness, just as Thou also hast forgiven this people, from Egypt even until now." Numbers 11:18-19.

I have been forgiven for my doubt, and

I will not forget what He has done for us during this adoption.
I will not give up faith that Mikhail will come home to us.
I will not stop trusting that God is in control.
I will be an Israelite no more.

JP