Updates (La la and Misha Bear)

What to say? We are nearly 3 weeks post Russia, and it has been exactly one month since we took Elijah out of the orphanage for good. Here are a few of the recent updates:

English is coming along great! He's learning new words everyday, and Sara estimates that he understands more English now than Russian (that doesn't keep him from saying his favorite word, "niet!").

Attachment continues to improve as well. He loves snuggling with mom. When Sara is rocking him before bed, they take turns touching each other's face. He even grabs her hand to hold it while they rock. Elijah is also comfortable enough with papa now to let him tickle him like he does the other boys (I knew he couldn't resist for long!).

His fits have become shorter and less involved now. Now, instead of chucking "la la" (his favorite toy music maker) across the room when he is mad, he stops his fit, hands his "la la" to mama, and then continues his fit (small blessings right?).

He is getting used to the boys as well. They are able to play together a lot more than before. He is especially taken by Isaac, our oldest son (Sara is convinced that it's confusion about the long hair...he thinks Isaac is mama). He spends his day calling Isaac's name and pointing things out. Isaac has been very patient. I think he really likes the attention. Isaac even changed his first poopy diaper (it was actually a consequence he was serving for fighting with his brother in the van, but I think he enjoyed it....ok, maybe that's taking it a little too far).

Papa helped him with his first swings of the baseball bat (you had to know that one was coming).

He got his first "American" haircut. Number 6 on the clippers worked perfectly. Not too short, not too long (mullets were aplenty in Russia...tempting, but no).

Curious George has been shelved in favor of "Misha Bear", the teddy bear his grandma made for him. He even calls it "Misha Bear" (poor George, after all he has been through. Oh well, Curious George will always be the first love).

He is even eating well. Most foods go down easily with little to no trouble (even some spicy chicken strips we had left over in the fridge).

Important things yet to be done:

Give him his first "IN-N-OUT Burger" (not sure his taste buds are ready to handle such bliss just yet).

Take him to his first Dodger Game (have to save that one for the right time. It has to be special. Plus, it would be nice if they were winning too).

I hope that satisfies some of the inquiring minds. More to come soon...

JP

That Smile...

Tomorrow will be two weeks since we have been home. Things are progressing well with Elijah. He is continuing to get used to life in the Park household. Every day brings new experiences for both us and him, and we get continued glimpses into the depth of who he is. He is a smart little boy (and a little sly) with a fun-loving and sweet temprament. We were always told that most of these children know how to work the system, and Elijah is no exception. The other day my parents were visiting for the weekend. Elijah had just finished going into the bathroom when mommy told him not to, at which time he proceeded to air-mail the toys he was holding into the other room. He was sitting on mommy's lap taking a time-out (complete with fussing and much shifting) when my father came in from outside. I was sitting across the room, and proceeded to watch this distraught child, crushed by the weight of his terrible consequence (notice sarcasm here) look up at my father, and flash the most flirtatous smile I have ever seen. I never realized one small smile could say say so much. "Dear man. Please save me from my inhumane captor. I'm completely innocent. Would this face lie to you?" I must say I was impressed. I didn't know whether to be concerned or congratulate the boy on an Oscar-worthy performance.

I tell this story, not to be negative (he is adjusting amazingly well and is the sweetest little boy), but because it amazes me how comlex this little boy can be. (Side note: today was his first day without a single fit! Yeah!!!) Both Sara and I understand that coming from the orphanage, this is what he has had to do all along to get his needs met. And he does not yet realize that here at home, he's going to get his needs met no matter what. He doesn't have to perform for us. He doesn't have to bribe us. We are here for him, 100%, forever.

Our extended family have truly taken to Elijah. I fell in love with him from the moment I met him, but you never know how others will feel when the time finally comes. I am happy to say that he has stolen the hearts of everyone he has met.

Elijah is truly an amazing, special, and wonderful little boy.

When he smiles, I am filled with indescribeable joy.
When he laughs, I am moved to tears.
When he makes goofy faces at me, he steals my heart.
When he plays, I am filled with peace.
When he runs to me at the door after work, I feel that feeling only a father knows.
When he lies peacefully asleep, I fall in love with him all over again.

JP

My Gain

It has been one week since we have been home, and things have been going great! Elijah is adapting well to his new life here in Escondido. It is most definitely summer here, in the 90's the past couple of days, and I wasn't sure if his baby feet would follow his brothers barefoot into the backyard, but he wasn't about to be left out. He's game for almost anything.

Father's day came just a few days after arriving home, and we drove to a couple of our favorite spots in downtown San Diego to spend the afternoon. First stop was the playground next to the bay, watching boats and walking along the boardwalk. Elijah wasn't quite ready for the swings, but he was game for the slide. We couldn't keep him off, up and down and up and down. At one point I felt his chest as I was lifting him up, and his little heart was just pounding! Never had this much exercise and excitement in his life. What a rush for him, and what a thrill to be a part of all of his firsts!

Second stop found us playing tag and ball in the grass and throwing rocks into the bay. He rode the stroller through people face painting, people making balloon animals, and a classic car show. He came home exhausted and a little sunburned (let's not tell the social worker that one).

These past four days we have just focused on getting into a routine at home. Misha getting comfortable with his surroundings and used to the rhythm of life. And he is doing great! He is picking up English pretty quickly (he definitely knows what "no, don't touch that" means), and he is learning his brothers' names. They take turns pushing each other on the little Winnie-the-Pooh train grandma and grandpa bought for him (Isaac wiped him out around a corner today) and squirting each other with the hose.

He is truly a little goofball...a perfect match for this family. He loves to make you laugh and smile, and his laugh is contagious. When he rears his head back, closes his eyes, and lets out a huge laugh I get tears in my eyes and I can't help but join in. It makes me think about his mother, grandmother, and grandfather back in Russia, and how nobody came to visit him in the orphanage in 2 1/2 years. No one even inquired about him during that time. How no Russian families expressed any interest in adopting him. If only they had seen that smile. If only they had heard that laugh. They would have fallen in love with him immediately as I did.

But their loss is my gain. And I will thank God everyday for my gain...

JP

We're Home

Sorry about the delay in posting a new update. It has been a whirlwind since we got home. But here's the quick synopsis.

We said goodbye to the Franks early Wed morning, both happy and sad at the same time. It's not just any couple that you could meet for a few short days five months prior, and then spend a whole month with and feel like you had been friends forever. What a journey it was with you guys! Thanks for making the trip so enjoyable and special (Dennis- I'm proud of you for not killing anyone...I wouldn't have come to visit you in the Gulag).

Vladimir (our driver) drove us to the airport in typical Vladimir style. It was the most gorgeous day of the entire trip, and we got to enjoy it from the confines of a four-door VW sedan and the center section of a 767 (you can't win them all). Passport control and check-in went without incident, and we even were able to smuggle our bottle of water through to the plane. They did confiscate the lighter I bought for my father though (complete with Communist decoration). Flammable liquids next to clothing in an enclosed space (I don't see what the problem is...do you?).

The 13-hour flight went well for the four of us (Me, Sara, Elijah, and the Benedryl), and he slept about 6 hours in the middle of the flight. LAX Customs was uneventful as well, and we passed through immigration without a hitch. As we wheeled the luggage cart around the corner to where all the people were waiting, I was flooded with emotion. Seeing my boys and my family standing behind the glass was unforgetable. Waving and cameras flashing. I felt like a rock star! OK, so it wasn't exactly for me. Elijah was quite the rock star. He took to everyone well, and many hugs were exchanged.

We have been home now for 3 days, and I am happy to announce that things are going really well. Better than we could have hoped or expected. Misha is adapting extremely well. He's loving his new surroundings (with the exception of the dogs...he's still getting used to them). He is such a bright ray of sunshine. Took him to church for the first time tonight, and we were able to introduce him to so many of our friends. It was incredible. He was in rare form, running and laughing and goofing around (which he does well). All of our friends have been so involved in this adoption from the beginning, and to be able to share him with them finally after 2 1/2 years of waiting was just as special to them as it was to us. Just a great time of rejoicing over God's faithfulness.

Even though we feel like a major part of this adoption process is over, God is definitely not done with us. He's still speaking, like through our pastor tonight. One of the passages we looked at tonight was from Galatians. It says "Bear one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ". Galatians 6:2. What a huge statment. Not "and thus do something good" or "and thus make God kind of happy", but "fulfill the law of Christ". What a summation of what Christianity is all about. The law is fulfilled when we bear one another's burdens. Just as Christ bore the burden of our sins upon the cross, we experience Christ in His fullness when we are bearing each others burdens. And there are so many friends that have born this adoption burden with us along the way. It brings me so much joy to know that your actions have not only pleased God, but served to strengthen your understanding of who He is and what this life is all about. To all those that have born our burden, bring yours on. I can't wait to shoulder some load for you...

JP

Heading out to Sea (the last entry from Russia)

Sunday got us out again sightseeing. We wanted to take the typical “In front of St. Basil’s Cathedral” picture of Elijah, so we took the subway to the heart of Moscow to Red Square. When we arrived, we all realized that we were horribly underdressed for the occasion (it’s June for Pete’s sake!). We decided to cut our losses, buying some quick souvenirs and then hopping the train back to the hotel.

As is the case with Moscow weather (we soon realized), by afternoon it was beautiful and warm. So we headed back to Red Square and got the necessary snapshots and video. Pizza for dinner (again, and by Sara’s wishes the last time) and some play time in the lobby with the boys.

Monday morning started with catching our first glimpse on our boys back home on the webcam since we have been here. It was absolutely wonderful! We exchanged goofy faces to each other, and it was just like being in the room with them. Just seeing them gives me the recharge to push through these last few days. Later that morning, Dennis and I were off to the Russian Consulate to register our children (a process we found out we could have done at home, but our agency is one of the few that require it get done here…we could have gone home on Saturday otherwise). But, as we have said all along, Misha is the child God had in mind for us, and this is what it takes to get him home. Who are we to doubt the plan God has for this child?

Sara, Elijah, and I decided to head out on our own in the afternoon to Arbat Street again to pick up the last few souvenirs that we wanted to bring home. It was such a wonderful day. The weather was beautiful, and Elijah was just at peace during the trip. We were a family, the three of us, and it felt great! I can’t wait to experience that as a family of 6 soon.

Tuesday dawned with big sightseeing plans for our last day. It was supposed to be cold on Monday, and warmer on Tuesday. Instead, it was the other way around. We arrived to Red Square under overcast skies and leaning into a stiff wind. But nothing was going to deter me from my plans. We walked the perimeter of the Kremlin, along the Moscow River, and to a huge Russian Orthodox Church called the Cathedral of Christ our Savior. We went inside, and it was absolutely breathtaking. Service was in progress, and the smell of incense mixed with chanting and singing in Russian and breathtaking colors was truly memorable.

Later to a statue of Peter the Great keeping watch over the River and back to the Kremlin to see the changing of the guard at the tomb of the unknown soldier. No time to tour the Kremlin though (we’ll have to do that next time when we are retired, 65, and touring Russia for the memories).

That catches up to me writing this entry right now while Misha takes his afternoon nap. We head to the airport tomorrow morning for our early afternoon flight back home. It’s hard to believe that we have spent a month here in Russia (don’t get me wrong, it has felt like a month and then some). It’s just weird how I have found myself adapting to the culture and language in such a short period of time. How I am finding sights to be familiar, and I am getting comfortable maneuvering through the city. I miss home and I can’t wait to get on that plane and head back to my boys. But I thank God for the opportunity to experience something so far beyond anything I ever would have thought or dreamed I would do. And I couldn’t have done it without Him. For the last two years, He has remained faithful through all the ups and downs (at times it seemed like more downs than ups), and I have experienced His hand working so tangibly every step of the way. It took bringing a little orphan boy home to our family for me to truly realize how much God is at work in our lives, and how much he wants to do in our lives if we just give him the opportunity.

I am a holder at heart. I like to be under and in control of situations. Yet that’s not what it is about. There is one out there who is stronger than I am. There is one out there who is smarter than I am. There is one out there who sees the big picture, from beginning to end and everything in between. And over the past 2 ½ years I have fought him for control of this adoption. And every time I couldn’t hold on anymore, he showed that he had a hold all along. I am again reminded of a comment by C.S. Lewis

"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

I have been playing in the mud my whole life, but I am happy to say that I have stepped out in faith and followed my Father to the sea. I have not arrived yet, but I have caught glimpses of that shimmering horizon over the hills and on top of the valleys. I am a lot closer than I have ever been. I can smell the salt and hear the waves in the distance. And I know for sure that I don’t want to go back my slum. I know that there are many hills and valleys that stand in front of me before I reach the sea, but my Father’s leading the way, and I trust him with my life…

JP

Keeping Time

Friday came, and we mentally prepared ourselves to brave the Russian Subway on our own and venture to Arbat Street, tourist trap #1 in Moscow, to scout out and bargain for souvenirs. 3 stops and one line change and we were there, or at least across a huge, busy street from Arbat Street. We decided to take the long way around, and it was truly the long way around. What’s a few extra calories burned? This trip ended up being more of reconnaissance mission, but we managed to talk down a few items and left feeling rather proud or our “let’s make a deal” skills.

After lunch, it was off to the good ol’ USA (in a manner of speaking). We went to the U.S. Embassy to get Elijah’s visa. What an experience sitting in a room with 15-20 American families, all brimming with excitement and sagging with exhaustion at the same time, committed to a single purpose (and speaking English. Ahhhhhh, English). To bring these little orphans to forever homes. One family back for a third time to pick up the older sister of their other two adopted children. Another bringing home twin sisters. What a positive and uplifting experience. Just a healthy reminder on those tough days that you’re not the only one pushing through, and that there are other families out there for others boys and girls that need homes.

That night we said goodbye to our new friend, Becki, and her daughter, Lira, all laughing and soaked from head to toe from our walk back from KFC in the rain (when the storms hit here, they hit hard and without warning). Exchanging e-mail addresses, it’s funny how a shared situation as deep as adoption can bring people so close so quickly.

The next day, we decided to lay low. Sara was itching for a hot chocolate in the morning, but our trip across the street to coffee shop yielded no hot chocolate, or coffee for that matter. We’re still not sure what the deal was with that one. We spent the better part of the afternoon in the 4th floor lobby of the hotel visiting with another couple adopting through America World, the Mocabees, who were leaving that evening for Krasnoyarsk for the next 2 ½ weeks to bring home a boy and his two little sisters. From none to three. What a gift they are giving these little children. I applaud their faith and determination. I’m not sure I would have been up for an order that tall. How special!

Dinner at TGI Fridays yielded one of the best tasting cheeseburgers I have ever eaten, a large Coke that cost me $6, and a shirt that will never smell the same (you needed a foghorn to find your way to your table through the haze of cigarette smoke).

Today was a bit of a setback in terms of Elijah’s behavior. He reminded us of the boy we knew at the orphanage, scared and unsure of things. It was just a reminder that we can’t let up with this little boy and become complacent in how we raise him. We have to always be watching for that curveball that he’s going to throw us. But the walk home from the restaurant reminded us again what it’s all about, and that it’s going to be ok. As I carried him, he just sang at the top of his lungs to anyone within earshot, giggling and bouncing in my arms, keeping perfect time with my every step. He was a normal little boy, comfortable and safe enough with me to just let go. Wow…

JP

Diaper dancing, double-unders, and deep Theology

6 am and we were up and getting ready for the day. Breakfast of oatmeal and fruit was a success (for Elijah, not us…we already know how to eat, thanks). Downstairs waiting in the lobby for our driver to take us to Elijah’s medical exam necessary for his visa, we met a woman from Tennessee bringing home a 7-year-old girl from outside St. Petersburg. We all were headed to the same medical appointments and caravanned together. What a wonderful little girl from such unfortunate circumstances. But so full of life and hope in her eyes. It makes me smile to think of the life that awaits her.

Elijah passed his medical exam with flying colors. He brings his little Fisher Price music player with him everywhere he goes, and the doctor’s office was no exception. Naked from head to toe except for a diaper and the music player in his hand, he proceeded to dance and sing his way through the exam. The doctor’s comment was “His love for music very good!” Funny how God works these children into families.

We ordered pizza to go at Sbarro across the street and ate in the 4th floor lobby of the hotel. During lunch we met a couple men from Texas and their translator. You can definitely pick out the Americans here…just a different look. They had just returned from Krasnoyarsk, where we were, doing work with a local church. They were at the end of a month-long trip to various churches in Russia, teaching and giving leadership council. We talked for about 20 minutes on the state of the Protestant church in Russia and the differences between Protestant and Russian Orthodox theology. Quite a deep discussion in between bites of pepperoni and sausage. It is definitely taking a much more grass-roots approach here since the fall of Communism. But I’m convinced that’s not all bad. It gets Christianity away from a focus on big buildings, large congregations and anonymous worship, and back to its model. Christ teaching 12 people around a dinner table and the early church meeting in homes, providing direct support to one another and meeting each other’s needs, both physical and spiritual. Pray for continued confidence on those small church leaders here as they meet with difficulties and roadblocks by the state. And thank God for the freedom that we have in the U.S. to worship as we choose.

Found a park in the afternoon with a playground, and with no fear Elijah conquered the slide. A couple times down on his behind and he realized that the thrills were too tame, so headfirst we went laughing the whole way down, Curious George in tow (unfortunately “Handi-wipes” don’t work on George’s dirty little hands and feet). We’re not sure if he’s brave or if he just didn’t know any better. Either way, it is taking a little time for us to get used to having a 2 ½ year-old again and remember that we have to watch him a little more closely. I love that so many things are new experiences for him, and my mind spins with all the “first-times” this little boy is going to have.

Evening ended with a card game called “Apples to Apples”, meeting our new friend and her 7 year-old daughter, Lira, in the 4th floor lobby. Much laughter and chasing little boys filled the lobby of this upscale hotel. I am sad to say that I lost both games, but I did get a chance to demonstrate my mad jump-roping skills with Lira’s rope, completing three double-unders in a row (that’s when you jump once but the rope completes two revolutions to you lay people), much to the awe of all present. Oh yeah! I’m the man….

JP

Back in Moscow

Last day in Krasnoyarsk, and we were definitely ready to be done. We were hoping to use our last day for a little sightseeing, heading to the flea market, and heading to the park. Instead, we spent the day waiting. We had an appointment between 11 and 1 to go get Elijah’s birth certificate and passport. So we decided to spend the morning packing for our early morning flight out Wednesday. We got the passport (with the cutest little picture of him by the way), and went back to the hotel to find out that our liaisons would be coming back between 4 and 5 to collect fees. So Elijah went down for a nap, and we continued packing. Then we waited. Around 6, we were met by our liaisons, and the day was shot. We had dinner, and turned in early. So much for a bag full of Krasnoyarsk souvenirs.

Morning came at 3 am, and we were off to the airport for the early morning flight to Moscow. We can’t say that we were looking forward to the 5-hour flight, more intrigued as to how it would go. I am happy to say that it went incredibly well. We were worried that he wouldn’t sit still, but our problem was that all he wanted to do was sit still in mommy’s lap. But when mommy can’t feel her toes, it’s a bit of a problem. He slept for a good 1 ½ hours or so on the plane with minimal fussing. We thank God for that.

The hardest part was that we arrived in Moscow at 8 am, and had the rest of the day still ahead of us (it was a long one to be sure). We took the scenic route from the airport to the city (which was beautiful, but I felt like added and hour to the drive), and then straight to get Misha’s visa picture taken. That one is classic. He was not too happy at that moment to be posing for a picture, and he had a pretty good scowl on his face (our liaison here said that per Russian standards it is a perfect visa picture because Russians are very serious in their official pictures).

A three hour nap followed, and then we ventured out for dinner at the American Bar and Grill. $14 for a cheeseburger and fries, but it was worth every penny! Still getting the routine of high-chair and sitting still in a restaurant down, but it was an enjoyable meal all the same.

I must say that this afternoon I experienced my lowest moment. Just exhausted from the flight, knowing that we still have a week to go and missing my boys came to a head while Misha was taking a nap. I know that this is all part of the process, but I will admit that it is harder than I expected. From the moment we picked him up, all we have wanted to do is start being a family. But it is difficult to do that when you are still bouncing around in hotel rooms and ordering pizza to eat in the lobby because you feel like you are going to suffocate spending another minute in the hotel room. You have one hour left on the second season of “24” (yes, that is 23 hours already watched) and you are on your second book (Adam Ted Dekker if anyone is interested…great read). But mostly wanting to get Misha on a routine and get him used to what life is really going to be like at home with three wonderful brothers and two sebaka (those are dogs for you Amerikanski).

I guess that just validates what we are doing here. There is something about “home” that is different than anywhere else. It doesn’t matter what the zip code is. It doesn’t matter what the amenities are. Pick up our little Escondido “dacha” and put it here, and it still wouldn’t be home. Elijah’s orphanage had everything he needed for physical survival, but it wasn’t a home, nor was it ever going to be. Home is the whole package. Familiarity, family, routine, safety, support, love, relationship, understanding, comfort, Christ. Doesn’t everyone deserve that?….

JP

Another Video

Daisies and Roses…and then some

I sit here at the end of our third day with Misha, a little fussing in the background as Sara rocks Elijah to sleep and we sweat it out with no AC in the room, the window shut to keep it quiet in a day that topped at about 90 degrees with humidity. Snow flurries last week, 90 degrees with humidity this week. I guess that’s Siberia for you?

Each day has brought both promise in our new life with Misha and anxiousness to get home. We pick up Misha’s passport tomorrow, and fly out on Wednesday morning early for what seems like a pointless week in Moscow (we met a family here that will only have to be in Moscow for two days). And not a day too soon. After what has ended up seeming like an eternal party on the streets of Krasnoyarsk, culminating in a fireworks display outside our hotel window that woke us up at 11:30 at night (seeing as it’s not dark until then), we are ready for a little more peace and quiet. It seems like the fun (and the alcohol consumption) never sleeps here in Krasnoyarsk.

Three days have given us a pretty good initial read on the personality of little Elijah. He continues to be wonderful, sweet little boy with the most adorable expressions (they’re hard to catch on camera, but as soon as I have one I’ll post it). But it hasn’t been all daisies and roses, as we knew and expected from the beginning (and as the fussing that has turned to screaming behind me will attest to). He started testing his boundaries from day one, seeing what was ok and what was “niet”, often using his cute little expressions to stretch the boundary just a little farther. What he doesn’t know is that we’ve done this three times already, and we’ve seen it all. The cards are stacked against you little man (or malinky mushena as we loosely translate it into Russian).

But we’ve given him a pretty big learning curve, and due to the past 2 ½ years of his life we are focusing heavily on developing attachment with us and trust. And I’m happy to say that we are making wonderful progress. Today we had two milestones. One, he gave both of us our first kisses. It was wonderful! We had been practicing on Curious George for the past two days. He would kiss George, George would kiss us, and we would kiss him (I don’t think George minded this game all that much, but mommy knows where George has been for the last 2 ½ weeks and tries not to think about it).

Second, he bumped his head against the wall, and for the first time he came running to me crying for me to comfort him (I had to balance my concern for him with my joy in his response, but I knew he was going to live). This is a pretty common problem with institutionalized children that have had to self-soothe their whole life. That he recognizes us as here to take care of him and able to comfort him when he is hurt is huge, and it has only been three days! This is truly wonderful!

We have a long way to go and a lot to learn, but a few things are for sure. We love him with all our hearts and we will not stop loving him, no matter how hard it might get or how long it might take. And as the crying has stopped behind me and I hear the soft voice of Sara singing “Jesus loves me”, I am again reminded what it is all about. “Yes, Jesus loves me.” No matter how much I fight against him, or how patient he has to be with me he still loves me the same. Why would I do any less for my son?,.,,,

JP