All along this adoption process has been as much a spiritual journey for me as it has been a physical journey for Elijah. He has gained a family and I have gained a closer understanding of who God is.
My efforts at enhancing attachment with my new son have been extremely rewarding. In fact, just the other day he ran up to me without any coercing, arms outstretched as I was sitting on the couch, wrapped his little arms around me and gave me a hug and a kiss, then went on his merry little way. It floored me. Little steps.
Nighttime with me is going much better as well, with the snuggle time being much more relaxed and special. But a few nights ago he was not too happy with me putting him to bed instead of mommy, and he was showing his displeasure by complaining, fussing, and fidgeting in my lap in an attempt to get away. During these times I find it helpful to just pray out loud over him and talk softly to him. And during this particular time the words "Be still" came to mind. I found myself just saying this softly over and over to him while he struggled against my arms. And in that moment I looked down on his face and I saw myself. In him I saw all of my anxieties, all my fears, all my inadequacies, all my failures, all my futile attempts to be in control of every aspect of my life, all the times I take things from the hands of God and place them back in my own. I sat with Elijah, knowing full well that he was safe in my arms, that he was loved unconditionally, that he was taken care of and that his needs were going to be met. Yet I couldn't convince him of that fact and he thought he knew better. And I thought to myself, "isn't that just like me?". Me struggling with all my burdens and God sitting over me saying "Be still", promising to love me unconditionally, promising to take care of me, and promising to meet my needs while I complain, fuss, and struggle.
It just reminds me how important it is for me to continue to work on my attachment with my Father...
JP
"Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10)
Elijah Mikhail & Micah Aleksandr
Elijah adopted from Russia 2008 & Micah adopted from Russia 2011
The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood, And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same.
And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.
Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same.
And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.
Our Process
January 4, 2006 - Application to America World
November 30, 2007 - Received Mikhail's referral
December 17, 2007 - 1st Trip to Russia
May 13, 2008 - 2nd Trip to Russia
May 20, 2008 - Court Hearing in Krasnoyarsk, Russia
May 30, 2008 - "Gotcha' Day"
June 11, 2008 - 1st Day Home in America
November 2009 - Learned Elijah has biological brother in Russia
April 2010 - Application to America World
November 12, 2010 - 1st Trip to Russia
April 5, 2011 - 2nd Trip to Russia
April 12, 2011 - Court Hearing in Krasnoyarsk, Russia
April 22, 2011 - "Gotcha Day"
April 30, 2011 - 1st Day Home in America
November 30, 2007 - Received Mikhail's referral
December 17, 2007 - 1st Trip to Russia
May 13, 2008 - 2nd Trip to Russia
May 20, 2008 - Court Hearing in Krasnoyarsk, Russia
May 30, 2008 - "Gotcha' Day"
June 11, 2008 - 1st Day Home in America
November 2009 - Learned Elijah has biological brother in Russia
April 2010 - Application to America World
November 12, 2010 - 1st Trip to Russia
April 5, 2011 - 2nd Trip to Russia
April 12, 2011 - Court Hearing in Krasnoyarsk, Russia
April 22, 2011 - "Gotcha Day"
April 30, 2011 - 1st Day Home in America
The Park Family
About Us
- parkadoption
- California, United States
2 comments:
Those impromptu hugs are great.
Glad he is making good progress with attachement.
Great lesson you learned, thanks for sharing.
Love that verse.
I also often see myself in my daughter. While I sometimes hurt for her, I can't help but think about the amazing love of our Father. Not by chance, but by a divine plan, these children were placed in our arms. As we hold them, the Lord holds us, gently healing our wounds, loving us deeply and guiding us closer to Him.
We enjoy staying caught up on your blog. Take Care! :)
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