Elijah's First Christmas, and a Fighting Chance

Elijah's first American Christmas has come and gone. We tried not to make it too overwhelming for him. He did extremely well, all things considered. We visited Santa Claus at the San Diego Wild Animal Park. He loved all the lights and looking at the animals, but didn't care too much for Santa. Which is what we figured. But he did pose for a picture with Daddy in front of some of the lights (see right). The next night was Christmas Eve, and we opened presents, just the six of us. He was very meticulous in the opening of his gifts (reminded me of his great-grandma). I think he liked cleaning up all the wrapping paper and putting in the trash bag more than anything (the boy's a clean-freak- leftovers from his old home). Christmas day was a bit more hectic for him with more people, but it ended up being a special time celebrating two first Christmas's (Elijah's and his baby cousin Savannah's).

Now a New Year approaches, and it greets me doing a lot of soul-searching. I know this sounds crazy, but I long to go back to Russia. I know that right now it is not a possibility, but I miss it, if that possibly makes sense. I know that it's not the only place to find God, but it's where He wanted me to find Him. And while since I've been back I have been studying what God is doing in other parts of the world and places where He is needed most (Africa, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam), I find myself still drawn to Russia. I still remember my conversation with a group of missionaries in Moscow, and being saddened to hear how the years of Communism have left a nation almost completely devoid of personal interaction with the God of this universe. And I am heartbroken. And I think about all the little ones we saw in Baby House #5, ones that we knew would probably never spend a Christmas with a loving family. And I think about the hopelessness that many of them will feel when they become adults and have to leave the only homes they have ever known, never to return and alone. And I think, if only they knew there was a God out there who loved them. That even though they may not have a "family" in the normal context, there was a man who walked this earth 2000 years ago, bringing hope to orphans just like themselves, healing the broken just like themselves, and laying down his life so that they might live. I feel like if someone at least told them this, they might stand a fighting chance...

JP

On to the next peak...

I could list all the excuses for over a month between blog entries, but there's no point. I'm sure it's the same story for everyone.

This weekend marked the one-year anniversary of meeting Elijah for the first time. We spent some time watching video of our first trip, and just thinking about how far we have come and how far Elijah has come in that time. Wow, what changes. This time of the year will forever bring back memories of Russia. The four amazingly hectic, stressful, enlightening, and life-changing days we spent with the Franks, where when we parted we felt we had known them for a lifetime and knew that we would remain friends for at least that long. And when the Christmas songs start to play and a crispness fills the air, I am reminded of my firsthand meeting with God in a Siberian orphanage. I can honestly tell you that God is more real to me today than He ever has been before or I ever dreamed He could be. And it's all thanks to a little boy who showed me that faith is not best expressed with words, but with actions. For the first time I heard the voice of God, clear and unmistakeable, speak to me and I followed. I followed half-way across the world, and when I met Elijah I heard God say "Here I am". It was like being blind for 30 years and finally being able to see.

And it's crazy. Our jouney has been like climbing a mountain. But it's not as if when we brought Elijah home, God said "Nice job. You made it to the top. Have a seat, sit back and enjoy the view." Instead, He has said "Nice job. You've made it to the top. Take a look over there. See that peak off in the distance. Yes, the one higher than the one we are standing on. The one with the jagged rocks and the sheer edges. That looks like fun. What do you say?" And like an adrenaline-laced mountain climber, I say "Why not? Bring it on!"

One year ago I truly tasted God and found that He was good. Yet I have been left with a thirst for more. And as our life continues to take twists and turns, hills and valleys, I am confident that God has so much more in store for me and my family. There is a huge world out there in need. In physical need (poverty, starvation, slavery) as well as in spiritual need (they need to know Jesus). And He has made it clear to me and my family that there is still work to be done. We've only scratched the surface. This one little boy named Mikhail (Elijah) was only the starting point for us. May He be glorified in every "next peak" that we scale. And I know we'll reach the top because we have the only Guide who knows the way.

Merry Christmas to all!

J

Happy 1st Halloween

Hey, better than last time. Only 2 weeks or so. Well, this was Elijah's first Halloween, and I am happy to say that he exceeded all of our expectations and then some. We had a wonderful night cruising the neighborhood by our house and playing at the carnival hosted by our church. Elijah enjoyed every minute of it, and we have some great memories.

It has been slow progress with Elijah, but progress nevertheless. We seek God's strength and wisdom every day, and He always provides. Our broken little boy is mending slowly, but as I see it, he is ours forever. So if it takes forever, that's how long we'll keep working at it...

Here are some pictures to tide you over:

The family at the San Diego Wild Animal Park, just 5 minutes from our house.































Day Trip to Big Bear in the Mountains east of Los Angeles



Had to bribe Benjamin into being the woman. Elijah didn't know any better.

That was the face before he realized what was inside the pumpkin...



























Happy Halloween

No, Isaac's not Richard Simmons, in case you were wondering. Couldn't find the red, white, and blue old-school P.E. shorts...

JP

My Little Russian Nesting Doll

Hello all from the Land of Confusion (for those Genesis fans out there, the band not the book of the Bible). Has it really been this long since I last posted? Take that as an indication of what life has been like for the past month.

God bless his little broken heart, Elijah is certainly keeping us on our toes here. He is a wonderful little boy who just can't bring himself to come home yet. I use a bit of Russian imagery to describe our little barrel of wonders. He is like a Russian nesting doll. Take one layer apart, and there is another layer below. And each new layer is a new little "surprise". Most nesting dolls range from 5 to 12 layers deep. We've blasted through those, and as we continue to peal we don't see the end in sight.

We have exhausted all the "parenting techniques" that we used with our three older boys, and we are blazing new trails as we speak. To those who question the wisdom of God in how he planned his creation to work, be it in marriage or in how the family is supposed to be structured, I would put up Elijah as an example of what happens when we stray from doing things the way God had inteded, what happens to an innocent little boy when he makes the best of a situation that was not as God had intended. And while he is making very small and very slow strides, the damage runs deep with him and will take time, patience, prayer, and perseverance to see any significant improvement in his healing.

While I don't believe that orphans were part of God's original plan for his creation, they are the result of living in a fallen world, and I praise God everyday for adoption as part of his redemption plan for this fallen world.

Please continue to pray for patience and wisdom for our family and specifically for Elijah that God would continue to use us to break down those walls he's created to protect himself and that His grace will mend the broken pieces of his little broken soul...

JP

(p.s. Still planning on making part two of that video for you. As my father always says, "These things take time...")

Attachment Differences

The past week has yielded a little controversy in our "chat group" community regarding the role of parents (moms in particular) and newly adopted institutionalized children. Adopted children need special attacment work and mom needs to be home to properly develop that versus some moms have to go back to work and a family with a working mom is still better than no family at all.

Say what you want about controversy, at least it forces one to examine their situation and dialouge with themselves about their own situation. I know that it has promoted dialougue in our family. And while I know some feelings were hurt, I think that sometimes a little controversy can be helpful because it forces you to take a stance (do I really believe what I am doing is right?). That is what we have done this past week as I have struggled with Elijah.

This dialouge coincided with my most difficult week since coming home with Elijah. And I found the parallels very profound. Since school started for the boys (we school our other 3 boys at home), our home situation has changed dramatically. My day starts at 4am, and between work, school (I'm in charge of math, writing, and some reading), coaching and carpooling, my free time to spend with Elijah has decreased dramatically.

As a result, I have noticed a significant change in our relationship (and not for the better). We have slid back to behaviors similar to when we were in Russia (not wanting me to hold him, trying to sabotage personal time, not wanting to be comforted by me). And this has been a very hard thing for me to take. I see his relationship with Sara, who is home with him all the time, and it is hard for me not to be envious. I know that she is mom, and things are always a little different with mom. But I know that in our situation, his attitude towards me is directly related to the proportion of time that I spend with him compared to Sara. His attachment with me is not nearly as good as it is with Sara because I am not with him as much. Granted, I try when I am home to take him for special time (he'll go to the store with me by himself or we'll play baseball together), but most of the time I see that it's not enough.

The debate about whether moms with newly adopted kids should stay at home or go to work is one without a clear answer. I believe that it is a decision best put before God in prayer and discussed thoroughly within each individual family. I certainly know the economic pressures going on today (I have had to take a second job on the weekends just to scrape by), but I also know first hand the difficulties that come with trying to form a bond with an adopted child when you are not present. I wouldn't wish that difficulty on anyone, and I can empathize with those who are struggling. In the meantime, I take advantage of every opportunity that I can and pray for our little guy constantly that our bond will grow stronger with time...



JP

The boys with their gifts grandma and grandpa brought back for them from Scotland. Elijah's new hairdo looks goooooooood...

By Your Side

Throughout this adoption journey, God has used music in countless ways to communicate messages of his truth to me, often just at the right time when I needed them. I have always put songs on this blog that have carried meaning regarding whatever station I might have been in this journey, or whatever songs might have touched my heart at the time. I never choose at random. Shortly after I wrote my post titled "Be Still" (see post below), Sara found this song that should be playing as you read this. As I listened to the words, I couldn't believe how much it spoke to what I was feeling at that time, and still am feeling. As I said in that previous post, God never ceases to draw parallels for me between His relationship with me and my relationship to Elijah. And I share this because this past week has been a pretty monumental struggle between me and Elijah (I will post about this in more detail later), as I am sure any of you who have adopted, or just have kids can relate to. My thought to leave you is to you is to ask you to scroll to the bottom of the blog, rewind the song to the beginning and meditate on the words (even look at a picture of your child while you listen). If you are struggling with your own adopted child right now, I'm sure these words voice your prayer to them perfectly. If you are feeling alone or unloved, let the words sink in as the Father's voice speaking directly to you right where you are...

(More to come soon...I promise)

JP

Pictures of Elijah's first art project that he did with his brothers while they were doing a school project. He was so proud.

Journey to Elijah Video- Part 1

So I sat down and re-made the video, this time in 2 segments. One before "Gotcha Day" and one for after. Here is part 1. It is almost exactly the same as the original video. To those who didn't get a chance to see it, I hope you enjoy. Part 2 will come soon...

JP