The Hope Inside

Well, we have completed our official 1^st day with Elijah and our second full week in Krasnoyarsk. Sara’s taking a nice long shower and Elijah’s having what we call “Misha Time”, where he goes in the space between the desk and the wall and plays toys. It’s his safe place in the room here, so we let him go there for little stretches of time to just chill. So I get a few moments to write a little update.

All things considered, things are going really well. Elijah slept in until about 6:30 am, which wasn’t too bad considering that he slept (albeit restlessly) through the night. Breakfast was hit and miss (Banana and applesauce-yes, oatmeal-no). Got him dressed for the day (he looked like a little dude), and then it was off to the business center.

After a failed attempt to upload the video I made, I had to go to the office of vital records to fill out a request form for Elijah’s birth certificate so that we can get his passport to leave Krasnoyarsk for Moscow on Wednesday.

Lunch was a bit more successful, and then we ventured out for a walk to track down diapers (this kid goes through them like they grow on trees!). We stayed off the busy roads as much as we could, and he did great. We practiced our English (bus, car, traffic, congestion, smog, danger) and played with daddy’s Mountain Dew bottle (not the big one, just a small one this time. I’m not an addict….I promise).

After a small struggle, he went down for a nap and I failed in a second attempt to upload my Misha Video to the blog. Snack time and play time in the room, and it was off to Subway for dinner. He sang songs to himself all the way there and all the way back (he’s going to be perfect for this family). Saturday night is a rager here in Kras, especially at the courtyard in front of the hotel. There was music, people dancing, and we busted out the bubbles. We took turns blowing them and busting them in midair and enjoyed some people-watching (trust me, it’s better than Venice).

Dinner time for Elijah went even better than lunch, and bathtime was a blast. So much so that we had a rough time getting out. It took a little longer to get to bed this time around (that rocking chair at home would come in handy now), but at least Sara’s getting bigger biceps.

The end of day one finds us wiser, and more in love with Elijah than the day before. Every little challenge he presents during the day is a chance for us to get a glimpse into his personality and the depth of some of his attachment and trust issues. But so far he hasn’t thrown us any curveballs. He is a little boy that grew up having to take care of himself and without the safety and love of a family. But he’s doing the best he can. And he has such a pure and wonderful heart inside him. When he smiles, we see the hope that every child has, that God loves him and there is a world out there full of wonderful and beautiful things for him to experience. He hasn’t lost that. It is still inside him, and thanks be to God and so many wonderful and supportive people that now that hope will never leave him…

JP

Misha Video

Here's a little tease....

Gotcha Day!

Well, he is officially ours. We can now post pictures and video, so I thought I would put together a little video montage of our trips, up to the day we picked him up from the orphanage (this is what I've done with some of the free time here). Unfortunately, if you are reading this and there is not video, that's because it's been over an hour and the video hasn't uploaded yet. I am going to have to re-think this strategy. In the meantime, here's a detail of our day, and I will follow it up with pictures on my next post (I don't have any with me in the business center) to satisfy for now until I get the video worked out.

Ok, this video is taking way longer to upload than I expected, so I will post a quick few words. We picked up Elijah earlier than expected, at 2pm instead of 5pm, so we had to rush around to try to get things ready for his big trip. We were anxious, but excited about what lay ahead of us. He welcomed us with a few tears when we got there (not a huge surprise), but settled down when we started changing his clothes. He found that pretty fun. He said "niet" again to the shoes, but we put them on anyway and he did fine. A quick goodbye to the orphanage director, and we were down the stairs and out into the open world. He rubbed his eyes in the sun (it felt more like San Diego than Siberia in the 75 degree heat) and Sara held him as we said a prayer for him on the steps of the orphanage.

He greeted the van with arms and legs extended in flight pose. There was no way he was having the inside of the van (he likes to look at them out the window, but getting into one is another story). And after the many near misses on the roads of Siberia we've had thus far, I can't say that I blame him. He settled down, enjoying the ride back to the hotel in the safe confines of mama's arms. No throwing up on the drive! Yeah! It is a pretty common occurance, but we were spared.

We had to make a stop at the photo place to get his passport picture taken. No tears there (thank goodness), and we were off to the hotel. He greeted our room with interest, and was pretty quiet as he explored. We gave him a snack, and proceeded to head outside to see the fountains in front of the hotel. It was very busy and a little chaotic for him (we could feel his nervousness as he clung to Sara's arms), so we headed back inside to the room for the night. Dinner of soup didn't go over too well with him (I guess Uncle Ben's is a little different than orphanage soup), so we added a banana and some bread and called it a night. A little wind-down time, and he was ready to be held by Sara. She fed him a bottle (part of his attachment process), and Sara rocked him to sleep. He slept through the night until 6 in the morning. Not bad for a first night.

Elijah is finally our son. Wow....that's all I can say...

JP

Sippy Cup Games

Took advantage of the morning off from going to the orphanage to call my boys. I miss them a ton, and it is so wonderful to hear their voices. Decided to explore a little, so we walked along the Yenesei River and circled our way back through the streets of Krasnoyarsk. We came across what I can best describe as a mini amusement park along our walk. We paid our 20 rubles each for entry, and walked around what ended up being a huge park filled with various “fair-style” rides and attractions, down to a train that circled the whole park and a Ferris wheel. I can’t say that I was brave enough to try out any of the rides, but there was a huge playground that we can’t wait to take Misha to as soon as he is in our care for good. Even a Spongebob balloon to be purchased if we so desire.

The rest of the afternoon was spent relaxing, and we enjoyed a wonderful Italian dinner followed by an UNO tournament, in which Sara was champion, winning four hands in a row and completely annihilating everyone.

Early the next morning, we caravanned again to the orphanage to see our boy. We were happy to see him dressed in some “boy clothes” this time. He is continuing to attach to us, and his comfort level improves every trip. Daddy got in a pretty extensive tickle session this time around. Hearing his laugh is the most wonderful sound in the whole world. We made good eye contact and his ability to relax with me improved as well. He took a fascination with the plastic flute, and I attempted to instruct him in the finer points of music making. Dodging spit flying from the tip of the flute as he waved it in the air, I was soon able to get him to blow into it (at first he would just put it in his mouth and make a noise with his voice, which always got a smile out of him and a laugh out of us). Soon he was making beautiful music (use your imagination here) and we were having a blast!

He got used to the “sippy cup” that we brought for him (we took out the valve on the inside to help him figure it out) and it soon became a fun game (to him alone) to turn it upside-down on his shirt and drip water all over himself (we would say “niet” and he would laugh). Does this sound familiar to any parents out there? The honeymoon doesn’t last long, and it’s time to start being parents I guess ( I have to admit, I would have found it a pretty fun game too, except that the ink on the front of his shirt used to mark it for his group was running all over the place and getting on his pants and anything else it touched). If this is the worst of it (and it won’t be), then I certainly can’t complain.

Spent the afternoon working on the video montage to post on the blog the day we pick him up. We are scheduled to pick him up on Friday evening, and we can’t wait. While we are a little apprehensive about having him completely to ourselves, it’s no different than any new parent the day that they take the little one home from the hospital. And the sooner he is out of the orphanage, the sooner he can start transitioning to his new life at his new home and the sooner all of our roles can be established. Instead of us being those two people that come to hang out for a few hours everyday, we can start being mom and dad. And he can finally start being a son, something that he has never been before…

JP

Angel in Pink Overalls

Wouldn’t you know it, the morning that we have to get up early to head to the orphanage is the morning I have trouble waking up. I feel like I can drive the trip to the orphanage in my sleep now. Sara and I talk about our game plan in the van on the way to the orphanage and just joke around to pass the time.

Misha greets us with recognition and no tears. What a blessing! Straight into Sara’s arms he went, no problems. Smiles started early, mostly on our part. He came walking in wearing a white shirt with pink and purple stripes and little bows on the sleeve, covered by pink courderoy overall shorts, white and pink socks, and of all things, blue sandals. Needless to say, we have pictures to commemorate the occasion (we made a promise to him that moment that these pictures would not make his wedding video…we are not completely cold and heartless).

Misha and papa spent time pointing and looking outside the second-story window of the orphanage, dad showering him with kisses and stroking his hair. We walked in circles around the room dragging toys in tow, and played music together on separate xylophones. I even brought the MP3 player with headphones and introduced him to his first dose of American rock music, much to his mother’s disappointment. If he’s going to be in this family, he’s going to have to start young, right? After days of fighting with him, he let us take of the sandals and try on his tennis shoes. He was reluctant at first, but once they were on he took four steps in them, looked down, then turned and looked at us with a huge smile on his face. I think he likes them.

At the end of the visit, he spiked a little fever (we think he’s starting to get a little sick), so mama held him and rocked him. To our surprise, he fell asleep in Sara’s arms. While we felt bad for him that he was not feeling well, we were very pleased to see that he was comfortable enough in mama’s arms to relax and fall asleep. What an angel he was while he slept. He looked just like I remember my other three boys sleeping at that age. It’s all perfect.

Dinner was at Subway this time (we are so adventurous here). Our “sandwich artist” spoke English, but I pointed and grunted at the tomatoes and lettuce nevertheless and tried to do the conversion from feet to centimeters in my head (what’s a foot-long?). Braved the Mountain Dew out of the tap and was pleasantly pleased at the sandwich.

Got killed even worse this time around in Trivial Pursuit and am considering reading the questions and answers in my room before we play next time to give me an edge. No trip to the orphanage tomorrow, but back on Wednesday, Thursday, and pick him up on Friday. Not long now…

JP

The Robot in Russia

Sunday dawned much like Saturday. Sara sleeping in and I getting up early. As much as I have the ability to sleep in some here, I guess getting up early is ingrained in my system. However, getting up at 7 or 8 is sleeping in for me, so I guess I’m sleeping in some. Sara took a nice hot shower (we have hot water all the time now again…yeah!) and met me in the business center as I posted blog and talked to people on the internet phone.

Lunch in the room, and we were ready to get out. It was cold and rainy all morning, but it broke a little by the afternoon and we ventured out. Past the courtyard outside the hotel and its beautiful fountains, we crossed a street lined with horse drawn carriages. Down the long stone steps flanked by bronze statues and a waterfall fountain, snapping pictures of Curious George sitting on the foot of a 15-foot tall famous Russian statue (since we couldn’t bring the boys, Curious George has been our stand-in for all the pictures that we would have taken of the boys. I have a running story going with George in my e-mails to the boys, and they love to see new pictures everyday. Who knows, maybe there’s a new Curious George book to come out of it “Curious George goes to Siberia”. I sense I bestseller in the making…). Arm and arm, we crossed the busy street and traversed the decrepit stone steps down to the Yenisei River (I think this is the first time I spelled it right).

It was cold, but we huddled close as we strolled down the birch-lined walkway, stopping occasionally to snap a picture or take some video. The beauty and peace of the moment were not lost on us. Spoke of home and boys, and how nice it will be to take Misha down here in a few days. We love to go down to Point Loma to Shelter Island or Seaport Village in San Diego and stroll the boardwalk next to the water and sit in the grass, so this afternoon felt like a piece of home (except for the temperature, or course).

Back at the room, we figured it was laundry time. Blowing up the inflatable pool we got for Misha’s bathtime, we proceeded to wash clothes, Sara in the pool scrubbing and I rinsing in the sink. We were quite a team. Even Curious George got his shirt washed. Now it will only take a week for them to dry.

Dinner found us back at the Irish Pub (KFC was closed for some reason). Sara helped me order fish (it actually turned out to really be fish this time), and the salmon was excellent. The smoky atmosphere, flashing green laser lights, and techno dance music got to my head, and on a dare Andrew (the Franks’ 7 year-old son) and I stood up in front of the DJ’s table and did “the robot” and “the running man”, very much acting the part of stupid Americans. We earned a thumbs-up from the DJ (he even got the smoke machine going for us) and a few smiles from the staff behind the bar (for Russia, I think that’s pretty good). You only live once, right?

After getting creamed by the Franks in Trivial Pursuit, we dejectedly headed back to our room, our pride in tow. Tomorrow we see Misha again in the morning, and we can’t wait….

JP

6 More Days Until We Pick Up Misha

Saturday morning dawned early, much like every morning here in Siberia. It gets dark around 11:30 pm, and gets light about 4:30 am. Makes for a long day, especially a weekend day like today where we don’t get to go to the orphanage. A glance out our 7th story window showed it to be rainy, cold, and cloudy. With Sara dead to the world, I proceeded to the business center to call my boys, but unfortunately it does not open until 10 on the weekends. Three books, the laptop, and the portable DVD player help to pass the time. I just keep reminding myself that I’m not going to have a break from regular life like this for a long time, maybe never, so I’m doing my best to cherish the down time.

Meals are always an adventure. I hate to say it but I didn’t learn as much Russian as I should have. Sara knows more than I do, yet I always manage to be the one that has to communicate. Luckily, the hotel restaurant has English translations of all their dishes, or the best equivalent (I couldn’t quite figure out what “waving bacon” was. I keep picturing the truck of pigs we passed on the way to the Moscow airport, hooves aloft in salute to us). We decided to try the Borsch, a famous Russian soup made mostly of beets, with meat and sour cream mixed in for good measure. I must say, I was pleasantly surprised and found it to be a tasty treat. Russian food has been very interesting for us thus far. What we have come to realize is that to the Russians, everything needs to be the same temperature, or close to it. The cold drinks are lukewarm, and the hot food comes out room temperature. It’s taken some getting used to. Us picky Americans.

We ventured out on the streets to find the children’s store (again, with me getting the directions from the hotel front desk). It turned out to be a big, three story indoor mall with everything from clothes, to DVD’s, to toys, to strollers, and everything in between. The big surprise was the price relative to the U.S.. An umbrella stroller that would run you about $10 at WalMart in the U.S. runs you $50 here in Krasnoyarsk. We didn’t buy anything, but at least we know where to go in an emergency (the highlight was the life-size stuffed ALF from the early 90’s T.V. show).

We met another couple from the U.S. that had just completed their own adoption of an 18-month-old and were heading out the next day for Moscow. We agreed to all have dinner together at the California Pizza Kitchen (yes, the California Pizza Kitchen. Trust me, we’re going to be sick of pizza by the end of this trip). Believe it or not, the California map on the wall had Escondido on it. Wow, it almost felt like being home (ok, not really). The pizza was excellent, and on the way we located the KFC and the Subway, so between these three we should be set for the next week-and-a-half.

The day ended with an authentic Russian ice cream cone from a corner stand, complete with the hammer and sickle on the package. The cone was soft instead of crunchy, the ice cream was fluffier, and it had jam inside. Strawberry. I must say, different but yummy all the same.

Tomorrow promises to be much of the same, with hopefully warmer temperatures and better weather conditions. Sometimes it blows my mind to think about where we are. WE’RE IN SIBERIA! Of all places. And we’ve been in Russia for over a week-and-a-half! It’s crazy to think of the journey that has brought us here. That God would have chosen this little boy halfway across the world for our family, and lead us here to this very moment in time. I know that I easily get stuck in my own little world and all the “important” things that it contains, yet I so often forget that there is so much more going on than what I see or think or feel or comprehend. And to be a part of something that has extended so much further beyond my own little circle of existence has truly been a blessing. I am so glad that so many others of you have chosen to be a part of this journey. To be a part of a much larger plan. All of the little journeys that will begin from this one journey. What an exciting time! I can’t wait to see what God has in store for the lives of those of you that we have hopefully touched with our journey and our story. He’s got big plans for you too, if you just let him work…

JP

Breakthroughs and Learning

Only 1 day behind now. Also, here's a picture of us in front of the courthouse (after the decision...that's why we're smiling)

Today was day 4 with Misha, and it was a day of breakthroughs and learning. By this time, our visits with Misha are running the risk of becoming “more of the same”. We are limited to the one room with its toys and its small area. No going outside. No venturing anywhere new. We are bringing the same toys to increase his familiarity with them and to increase his comfort level. Mostly, we are just focusing on developing attachments and bonds with him. But in some ways it is difficult, because this is still “his turf”. In his mind, there is still some ownership to this place as “his” home. It makes it difficult to begin to establish him in his new life with us.

But the closed environment has some benefits. We visited Misha in the morning this time, and when we arrived the room was being used for a puppet show for the kids. Three of the orphanage workers were putting on a show for the children, complete with music and singing. We were confined to one half of the room while various groups of children came in to watch the show. We did our best to play with Misha, but it was soon very clear that the amount of stimulation from the puppet show going on in the room, mixed with the fact that we gave him access to all of his toys in the suitcase was becoming too much for him. He became very quick in his movements, had trouble focusing on one thing, and was very wiggly in our arms.

Both Sara and I recognized what was happening, so Sara picked him up and took him to a corner of the room to hold him. As the children filed out and things calmed down, Sara fed him a snack and held him in her arms. She immediately noticed a change come over him. He calmed down, and began to relax. According to Sara, it was the first time that she felt that he truly relaxed in her arms. He willingly laid his head against hers, and she said that if she had kept it going, he probably would have fallen asleep. That is such a positive step, both in us learning first hand about how he responds to varying levels of stimulation and knowing that we can bring him down when it gets too high.

We have read a number of books regarding attachment in children from orphanages, and it was amazing to see how “by-the-book” his behaviors have been thus far. It makes us feel somewhat prepared for the work that this transition is going to be. And it truly helps us understand what is really going on inside of Mikhail so that we can approach it in the right manner. As hard as this waiting period is, it is not without its benefits.

We are scheduled to pick up Mikhail on Friday. At that point, we will be able to post pictures of him on the blog, as the adoption will be officially complete. Please keep checking up until then.

JP

The First Day of the Rest of our Lives

Please start 2 posts down, as I posted all three of these in a row on the same day. This keeps it in chronological order….if you are interested.

Today is day one of life with Misha as our official son. At this point, it still hasn’t fully sunk in that court is done. There aren’t any more major hurdles. At least he is our son. All other hurdles will regard getting him home, but they are minor and we should have no problems with those. The staff here in Russia has it down pretty well. The liason in Moscow has assisted in thousands of adoptions, so he knows what he is doing.

The day started with a small breakfast down in the restaurant (all our breakfasts are small because are choices are limited by American standards….we’re so picky). We then had the bright idea to hike across the river to the Hotel Krasnoyarsk to post e-mail and blog. We did it yesterday, but let’s just say the weather was a little different yesterday. When we reached the middle of the Yenesi River, the wind was so stiff we could hardly walk in a straight line. And it was cooooold. We were relieved to reach the hotel and thaw. Needless to say we experienced our first Russia cab ride, which our driver later told us we overpaid for, but we didn’t care. We were just happy to be dry and warm.

We arrived at the orphanage about 3 pm, eager to see what the reaction would be this time around. Half optimistic that we would make more progress, half dreading a negative setback. I am happy to say that the first held true. Only about a minute of crying, and he started to relax. The smiles came much quicker this time. The interaction much more easy and relaxed. More communication. More personality. He loved the raisins. He started with feeding Sara and I, and then decided if we weren’t falling over dead, he’d give it a go. Then he slammed them.

Playtime was much more interactive. He moved much quicker around the room, pulling down stuffed animals and going down the slide into the pit of balls. The best way I can describe it…he’s starting to act like a 2-year-old. And that is a wonderful thing. We are realizing that he is used to having things his way. We were told by his caretaker on the visit before court that he is the head of his group. We are definitely starting to see that more and more. He is definitely in for a transition, but we are well aware of some of the issues that we are going to face, and we feel confident that we can rise to the challenge.

JP

Court

We returned from the orphanage, heads spinning with the visit and the potential questions from the judge tomorrow. I attempted to type e-mails to my boys on the laptop on our drive back to Krasnoyarsk, and after hitting the business center at the Hotel Krasnoyarsk (where we were supposed to stay) to e-mail, we headed to California Pizza Kitchen for dinner. The pizza was excellent, though the nerves about tomorrow made the experience a little less enjoyable.

Returning to the hotel, it was cram time. I sat down with the questions we had jotted down on the drive, and proceeded to pen answers to all of them. By the end of the evening, my eyes were crossing and my brain had turned to mush. So I put it down and decided to get some sleep. Tomorrow would come either way, and I needed to be rested.

Sleep came fairly quickly at first, but in fits and starts after waking up at about 2 am. It was a little before 8 am when I decided to give up the fight. Sara slept a grand total of 1 hour during the night, surrendering the battle at about 5 am. Our driver was set to pick us up at the hotel at 11:30, so we had time to spare. I finished the answers to the remaining questions, and proceeded to study them so that, given the intimidation of standing before the judge, at least I wouldn’t have to come up with something off-the-cuff.

Nerves zapped my appetite, but I managed a small cup of yogurt and some water. Nothing could have prepared me for the stress that I felt that morning. It’s crazy. With God in the driver’s seat all along through this process, you would think that I would have been resting secure. But, when you have spent nearly 2 ½ years preparing for something like this, and you know that future of a child is at stake and it all comes down to this moment, it can be a little overwhelming. Through prayer I tried to calm myself and trust that God had lead us this far, and he was not going to back down now.

Many times through this process I have felt like a battle waged for the life of Mikhail, one side wanting him to come home to a loving family and one side wanting him to stay alone in the orphanage, without a hope. I just prayed that this battle would be won before we even set foot in the courtroom, and that what was right and what was true would win out over what was evil and what desired misery. I prayed that Satan would be bound from the courtroom completely. That when those doors shut, he would be gone.

We arrived at the courthouse shortly before 12 pm, when the first hearing before the judge would begin. We were not sure who would be first, us or the Franks. Both of us hoping secretly inside that we would go first and get it over with. We reached the outside of the courtroom and were informed the Franks would be going first. Just what I wanted, another hour to sit and think. I tried to put my head back and pray, but weariness from all the stress began to sink in. I wanted to be alert and fresh for the hearing when it was our turn, so I grabbed my cheat-sheet and began to pace up and down the hall, answering the questions in my head. The Franks’ son, Andrew (he’s 7 years old), thought it was a pretty fun game, so he joined me in my pacing. We two, in suits and ties, must have looked like quite a pair, wearing a groove in the stone tile floor and appearing a bit odd to the casual onlooker. But I will be forever grateful for the smile that he brought to my face and a small, but much needed break from my apprehension that he provided. Thanks Andrew.

Shortly under one hour later, the Franks were finished. They exited the room, and I almost threw-up. After a long deliberation of one minute from the judge, they returned to the courtroom. Andrew was the first to come out with a huge smile on his face. We exchanged high-5’s as he said “Dmitry gets to be ours!” Inside I was so happy for them. Their process was just as long and daunting as ours, and to know that this little boy was going to such a wonderful family was cause for celebration. But in my fear of what was to come, I only managed a simple “congratulations”. I know they understood.

Sara and I entered the courtroom, holding our heads up high in mock confidence. We took our seats in front of the judge’s bench. The translator was seated to my left. A table on my left held our Krasnoyarsk liason, the orphanage director, and the representative from the Russian Ministry of Education. The secretary in front and to the left, the prosecutor in front and to the right in bright blue uniform, and Judge directly in front on the elevated bench below a Russian seal. Before the cotton in my mouth could fully form, the proceeding began.

Questions flew and were translated. Answers flew and were translated. I got choked up once while detailing my boys’ feelings toward Misha. Sara struggled to explain “home schooling” to the judge. Discussions were sparked in Russian between all those present about why more Russian families don’t adopt these children and their foster care system and what can be done to change things. More questions, more answers, more translating. I had never felt so lifted up in prayer in my life than during that moment. I knew that so many back home were staying up late, praying for us. And I felt it in a way so powerful I was at times struck dumb with awe. Over an hour had passed before we were dismissed. Our minute passed, and we returned to hear the verdict.

YES!

We shook hands and exchanged hugs with all that were present, and left the courtroom with feelings too great to put into words. In the blur of time that passed, we took pictures outside the courtroom. Curious George sat on the steps and posed, amidst much pointing and laughter from Russian onlookers. But I didn’t care. Misha was ours! For the first time, we could say for certain and forever that “Misha is our son”.

Misha Smiled

2:00 pm was slow in coming on Monday. Still trying to get on schedule, I woke up at 5 am ready to start the day. Put myself through a workout in the dark in the room to prepare myself for the cold shower (The city provides all the hot water to all the buildings. No building has its own hot water supply. For this week, they are doing repairs and maintenance on their systems so there is no hot water anywhere). Needless to say, if I wasn’t fully awake before my shower, I was afterwards. Another luxury I have taken for granted, but never again. Breakfast in the hotel is always an experience. We kind of recognize what’s edible at the buffet now, and we are a little more daring. Slathering jam over everything makes it all taste like raspberry, so we’re usually good. I dig the drinkable yogurt, and I’m becoming quite the tea coniseur.

After much thumb twiddling, our drivers arrived for our trip to Sosnovoborsk, where the orphanage (Baby House #5) is located. This was also crunch time for court tomorrow. Notebooks flew out as Yelena spat out questions that the judge might ask, and our translator interpreted. We answered as best we could for rehearsal, and were told what to and what not to say. We all felt a little nauseated when we arrived, a healthy combination of nerves from the drive and the winding roads of Siberia. But we couldn’t wait to see the boys. The familiar booties over our shoes were a welcome sight. We knew the drill. The Franks caught sight of their little boy, Dmitry, as he was being led up the stairs to the meeting room. He was being led hand in hand with another child with a big yellow bow in her hair. I had to do a double take. Knowing how they dress the children here at the orphanage, I wasn’t taking for granted that it could have been Misha in the green dress and bow (thankfully it wasn’t). Up the stairs we went, nerves clicking away.

Misha was waiting for us in the room, sitting with a caretaker in a chair to the right of the door. Sara went in first and saw him. She went right to him, expecting and receiving the same response as before. She picked him up and placed him in her lap in the chair, holding him close as I got the video camera going (my usual job at the beginning). He settled down very quickly, but clung to Sara as the little monkey he was before. I approached him much quicker than before and was able to make physical contact after only a couple minutes. No holding though, let’s not be silly.

I left the room for a minute to use the restroom, and I was walking down the stairs I had a moment to contemplate and pray. Seeing him again and seeing the response the same as it was the last two times, I got discouraged. I started to wonder if this was going to be it. If this was the best we were going to hope for. I can’t remember what I prayed, but I just needed some clarity about how to proceed from here. And as I headed back up the stairs and into the room, thinking about Misha and some of the attachment books that I had read, it all came into perspective for me. The past two visits were spent trying to get him to do things, to play with things, to eat things. Both by us and by the orphanage workers. Trying to get him to perform for us. See what he does. But that’s not what it’s all about. We know that we love him. We know that we want him to be our son. All we need to do is start loving him. If that means holding him for two hours so that he can feel us, smell us, see us, get used to us, than that’s all we need to do…that’s all he needs to do.

So when I sat down with him again, I decided that it was just time to be myself, to be his dad. He doesn’t need to win my love. I need to love him. I sat on the floor near him and talked to him as Sara held him, touched his arm and his hands, showed him pictures of our last trip to meet him, looked him in the eyes. I’m here for you, and I will always be here for you. I’m not going to leave you, ever. I’m going to sit with you until the end of my days.

And that’s what we did for the next 30 minutes or so. And you should have seen the change. His face gradually relaxed. His body became less tense, more relaxed. As he stood in Sara’s arms while she sat on a low chair, he gradually relaxed into her arms. She decided to give him a little tickle, and we saw a little smirk. I told Sara, and she did it again. This time, a bigger smirk. Keep going, I said. Trying hard not to break his stoic countenance, he fought back a smile as Sara’s fingers dug into his ribs. But he was no match. The next thing we knew we saw a full-tooth smile break free, and it was as if his spirit came forth from behind a huge wall. It was cracking and crumbling. I told Sara to keep going. The wall was giving way. And then it happened. He broke free with a huge smile, and threw himself back into Sara’s embrace with complete relax and abandon. It brings tears to my eyes even as I write it.

Shortly after, I took him by the hand and we walked through the room filled with toys. He found a little pull-back car the Franks brought for their little boy, and it brought a huge smile to his face. Then the most amazing thing happened. The most miraculous change came over him, and for the first time we truly saw Misha. He started to talk to us! He ran to the window, pointing and saying something. We’re not sure what he was saying, but I picked him up and we pointed out the window together. Then he was moving quickly through the room, and we took turns launching the car back and forth to each other. Smiles and babbles.

No sooner had this all started, that his caretaker came in to take him back to his group. Our first response was “NO! Not now! We just got started!” But as he ran to his caretaker, he was all smiles. And as we said “Paca, Misha!”, he was smiling ear to ear. I knew at that moment that it was all going to be ok. If even for a few minutes, he finally got to be himself. He got to experience life in the arms of the loving family that would make him theirs. And he was happy. He was content. He was loved. If making Misha smile was the last thing I got to do on this earth, then death would greet me and find me smiling and content with my life…

JP

River Walk

I'm a little behind on the documentation of our trip, so this is a flashback. More to come soon...

Sunday morning we reached the hotel Krasnoyarsk, where we stayed last time we were here. To all of our surprise, we headed right past it, craning our necks and exchanging confused looks with each other. Across the river Yenesi we rolled, pulling into the parking lot of a much older, a bit more dilapidated hotel. The Tourist Hotel was the translation. No English speaking staff. No Internet or Business Center. Just a good old Russian hotel. Our home for the first five days in Krasnoyarsk, before heading to the Hotel Krasnoyarsk for the remainder of the trip. The grocery store next door was a step down from the one in Moscow next to the Marriott, but thankfully so were the prices. 4 cups of yogurt for $3.00 instead of 2 cups for $8.00. We loaded up on some food and hunkered down at the hotel for the day.

After a quick nap, Sara and I decided to take a stroll along the river just outside the hotel. What a beautiful day it was, just walking along the river and watching parents and children play on a Sunday afternoon. People are people everywhere, and I longed for my boys. The river was beautiful, except for the trash lining the shore. Those little things that you take for granted back home. Watched a young, blonde pregnant woman walking alone along the river and thought of Misha’s mom, and the unfortunate set of circumstances and choices that put her in the position to give up such a wonderful gift. How many walks like this had she taken while contemplating her situation? Why the life growing inside her wasn’t enough to motivate her to get her life together. How dire her circumstances that led her down the road she now walks. How often the innocent suffer for the sins of another. I look into Misha’s eyes and I see the eyes of the innocent, suffering by another’s choices. By God’s grace soon he’ll suffer no more…

JP

The Judge said "DA!"

Sorry for the short post, but I am out of time here in the business center at the hotel. But I wanted to let everyone know that our court hearing this morning was successful! We are the official parents of Elijah Mikhail Park! We are so happy! Thank you for all your prayers and all your support. I will type up a post tonight and post it tomorrow. It will have more details. Thanks.

JP

Land of Contradictions

I’m recalling a program we watched on the History Channel a few months ago. It was about the history of the Russian Tsars (an incredibly fascinating program by the way). In it, the narrator called Russia a land “filled with contradictions”. Based on our experience thus far, I must say that I have found this assessment to be 100% accurate.

We spent the afternoon on Saturday sightseeing Russia on foot, visiting Red Square and enjoying the beautiful weather. About a 40 minute walk from the hotel (none of us were brave enough to attempt to buy metro tickets alone), we definitely worked off the McDonald’s cheeseburgers we managed to order correctly (I think the Sbarro and KFC experiences built up our confidence). Another exciting drive to the airport from our driver, Vladimir, and we worked our way past security without any troubles and boarded our flight to Krasnoyarsk (breathing a sigh of relief as the bus taking us from the terminal to the airplane pulled up in front of a brand-new Airbus 321 instead of the Tupelov we flew last time).

The red-eye to Krasnoyarsk, despite a bit of turbulence (I still have the fingernail marks in my arm from Sara to prove it), was a comfortable one (not having to eat my knees the whole flight was a welcome change). Sara attempted the crab salad that was served on the plane (I was rather impressed at her daring), but that one bite almost didn’t make it down the hatch (I wasn’t so impressed at her almost vomiting all over me). With the four-hour time difference, we touched down in Krasnoyarsk, Siberia at around 5:30 am. Yelena and Serg, our liaisons here in Siberia picked us up at the airport, and we proceeded to make the 30-minute drive into the heart of town to our hotel (all of us welcoming that because no one, except for me of course, got any sleep on the plane).

This was the first time we had done the drive between the airport and Krasnoyarsk in daylight (last time it was in the heart of winter). It struck me very deeply. The sides of the road were littered with trash, some or which had obviously been there for years. We passed homes, at least what I guessed were homes, and I was floored at the poverty present here. Such a beautiful landscape was dotted with homes that had obviously been built 60 or 70 years ago, and had not been fixed up or updated in that time. The roofs looked barely intact, fences rotted and falling down, siding peeling away from the framework. All I kept thinking was “How do these people stay warm in the winter, when the temperatures drop to dangerous levels?” I was deeply saddened. I had never witnessed poverty of this level personally. And even more heartbreaking is the fact that in other parts of the world, this would be considered luxury.

As we continued on towards Krasnoyarsk, I started to think about Mikhail. I started to think about all the doubts that we have had during this adoption journey in the light of what was passing by me outside my window in the warm glow of sunrise. We are a pretty simple family. Our three-bedroom home is pretty small on a “North County San Diego” scale. It was built in the 60’s, and could use a new roof and a fresh coat of paint. The landscaping doesn’t exactly scream “curb appeal”. We’re a middle-of-the-road, single-income family living on a very fixed budget. And there have been times that I have said to myself, “Maybe Mikhail would be better off in a family that could give him more than we can.” “What if the economy turns, and we have to downgrade even from what we have?” But as we rolled through the Siberian suburbs, I felt a firm conviction in my soul. Best-case scenario, this would be his future. Worst-case scenario, he wouldn’t even survive to see a life like what I was witnessing. What I can give him may not be much on a San Diego scale, but it is half-a-world better than the alternative. I just kept saying to myself “We need to get him out of here. We need to get him out of here. We need to give him a chance.” It would be hard enough for a child with a loving family here in Siberia to make it. But for a boy with no family, no support structure, just pushed out on his own when the time came with a “good luck”. I shudder to think of the outcome.

We arrived at our hotel, and checked in to the tune of $150 per night. I thought about the $800 price tag at the Marriott and the $8 for 2 cups of yogurt we bought from the grocery store and the 8 strawberries for $75 (which we didn’t buy). I compared that in my mind to the Siberian roadside and I thought to myself, this doesn’t make sense. What a contradiction. Such expense and opulence mixed with such poverty. I always knew that I wanted to save my son, but now as our court appointment sits just one day away and I wait in anticipation for the few hours to pass before I get to see Misha today, the first time in over 5 months, I fell a sense of resolve and peace that the little I can give him will be a hundred times better than anything he would receive otherwise, and the love and support of a family crosses all barriers of income and economy to a place of love and peace that he will feel and know for a lifetime…

JP

Medicals Completed!

The next hurdle in our journey has been cleared! The medical appointments are done!

Yesterday started with me trying to get my body on schedule and Sara taking advantage of the opportunity to sleep in. I was up at 5:30 am and she slept until 12:30 pm. I took the opportunity to shower, e-mail and update the blog, and even took a nap for a few hours in that time. We got a call from our friends, the Franks, to wake us up letting us know that they had arrived from Illinois. We decided to get going for our day at that time and venture to the grocery store around the corner. We bypassed the fresh octopus and squid, left the caviar for another day, and opted for two “fresh” muffins and some yogurt. All tasted good going down, and I sit here over 24 hours free of dysentery, so I think we’re ok. The highlight of the purchase was the 2-liter of Mountain Dew. The bottle’s so cool, I’m bringing it home with me.

Sara and I then decided to explore the streets a little on our own, scoping out places to eat and internet cafes. We stuck to the main street that our hotel was on, but it was wonderful to get out in the fresh air (by fresh, I mean full of cigarette smoke and diesel fumes). Passing Sbarro, Baskin Robbins, and KFC, we worked our way to a huge statue of someone famous, I’m sure. We snapped a picture of a few stray dogs in the park in front of the statue and dropped a few rubles into the hat of man playing classical guitar in an underground walkway. The tiles lining the walkway made the acoustics incredible, and the guitar reverberated all the way up the stairs to street, captivating me as I entered the darkness. Dodging cars the whole way, I found the walk more exhilarating and exciting than dangerous, and we made it safely back to the hotel.

We had a chance to visit with the Franks that evening after they got themselves rested and refreshed, which was great. We decided to brave the mean streets again and hit the Sbarro for pizza. The walk of one whole block across the street took over 20 minutes, thanks to me missing the underground walkway and working ourselves way out of the way. At least we worked up an appetite. We found what we believed to be a cheese pizza, did our best to convert centimeters to inches and rubles to dollars, and ordered caveman style (with pointing and grunting…my apologies to cavemen everywhere, no disrespect intended). We hiked back to the hotel (only 5 minutes the right way), and ate our pizza in the fourth-floor lobby just across from our room.

Sleep did not come nearly as easily the next night, drifting in and out until past four in the morning. The result was, instead of getting on schedule, we woke up again at around noon. Small lunch of bananas and a doughnut from the grocery store, and then it was sitting around waiting for our drive to the medical center for our appointment with 8 different doctors. Not knowing what we were in for, we piled into the van at 2:30 and sped through the streets of downtown Moscow to the center, visions of Russian prostate exams dancing through my head (not a good visual to be sure).

After doing our best to fill out paperwork, we waited…..and waited….and waited some more. One couple at a time, we were taken into a room, visited with a doctor for a few minutes, returned to our seats in the waiting room, watched a really bad Dolph Lundgren movie and a re-run of the X-Files (both dubbed in Russian), rinsed, and repeated 7 more times. We arrived at the doctor’s office around 3:00 pm, and hopped in the van to return to the hotel at about 6:30pm, 3 ½ hours later, having touched our nose with our fingers and eyes closed at least 4 times, saying “niet” to virtually every question that they had, palpating lymph nodes I didn’t even know I had, and having both of my shins examined (still can’t figure out what that one was for). We all passed!!!!

Relieved, we accompanied the Franks to KFC, did our best to order chicken sandwiches, fries, and water (still, not carbonated….she didn’t understand what I was talking about and I got carbonated). A brisk walk back, and we were all ready to turn in. We are done with Moscow for now. Tomorrow it is off to Krasnoyarsk. We are all so excited, and the anticipation keeps growing the closer we get.

We have had so much headache, heartache, and stress in this process, and it has all threatened to leech any amount of joy right out of what we are doing. But yesterday I decided that I was putting that all behind me. I’m not going to let anything take away the joy of giving a little boy a home, even though it seems as if the evil of this world desires to keep him confined where he is, with no hope or future, and no chance to see what God had done in his life so far and what God has planned for him for the future. It has been a long road, but by the grace of God we are going to bring this little boy home with the knowledge that we now have the strength to handle anything that life might throw at us with this little boy, and that the strength of our love for both God and him are going to weather us through any storm. More to come…..

JP

Renewed Purpose

This morning I woke up with a renewed sense of purpose (A good night sleep will do that to you). This past two weeks, spanning the time from when we got the court date until now has been one of the most trying two weeks of my life, both with adoption stuff and stuff outside of the adoption. So much so that both Sara and I were concerned that we would arrive to Russia and everything in our bodies would shut down. All the adrenaline that we had been living on for the past two weeks would be used up and we would collapse. But it was the prayers of friends and family that got us through these past two weeks, and I know that it is what will sustain us through these next four.

I know that these next four weeks are going to be fraught with their own sets of trials and complications (It already started last night with finding out that we would be paying double for our rooms for the first two nights). But we are at the final stage. The end is near. I can feel it as we get closer to Mikhail. I can feel the emotion welling up in me like a geyser. All of the work we had to do at home and all the waiting had sapped that from me, but I can feel it all coming back. And it’s wonderful. This thing that we are doing is supposed to be filled with joy. And while the battles that have been waged thus far have threatened to steal that joy from us, I sit here today and tell you that I won’t let it. Misha will be getting a home soon. That’s call for celebration.

JP

Familiar Territory

So we said goodbye to our three boys, ages 8,7, & 6, and hopped on a plane to bring home number four. With Curious George in tow to help us document the trip for them, we entered familiar territory in the bowels of the international terminal at LAX. I can honestly say that experience goes a long way. Even though we have only done this one other time, everything felt comfortable and familiar, with the stress level being much less than before. And knowing that every step we took was bringing us one step closer to Misha, that didn’t hurt at all. The wait for the flight was actually nice. Sara and I had a chance to unwind a little, and a chance to talk without the insanity of the past two weeks swirling around us. There was nothing more we could do.

We boarded our Aeroflot flight (even the smell inside the airplane was familiar) and took our seats on the same side of the plane as last time. Even the food looked and tasted the same. 13 hours went by as quickly as it will, with Sara sleeping for a grand total of one hour and I catching 5 or 6 (Sara’s not bitter at all). After an uneventful trip through passport control (same smiling, welcoming face behind the glass to greet me) and a walk through customs (with an official giving me instructions in Russian and me shrugging my shoulders and giving my best “I’m a stupid American” half-smile before waving us through) we found our familiar-looking driver with our name clipped to his shoulder engrossed in his earphones and a magazine (same driver that took us to the airport last time for our flight to Krasnoyarsk). Due to this fact, we knew what the journey to the hotel would hold for us. Traffic clogged the highway into Moscow from the airport, but don’t think for a moment that stopped our driver from his mission. The car rattled quite a bit, but that would be expected when you spend as much time driving two wheels on the road and two wheels on the dirt shoulder as our driver did. Not exactly easy on the shocks and struts (there’s the extent of my automobile knowledge). The Marriott looked the same. I even recognized the receptionist and one of the bellhops. And certainly the price looked familiar! Same style room (though I swear they got smaller since we were here last), same pay-extra-for-it TV and pay-through-the-nose wireless internet access (which I am refusing to use as a matter of principle). Same not-quite-warm-enough room and not-quite-enough-blankets bed, but thankfully the same abundance of fluffy pillows.

It’s strange to be in a foreign country and have so much feel familiar to you. But our last trip to see Misha for the first time was so incredibly memorable, I can feel its details so firmly etched in my soul. Everything just feels right. Like we are supposed to be here. And I know that we are. I just can’t wait for that familiar sight of seeing Misha’s face again, and knowing that this time it will be forever…

JP

We got our documents!

I would say that we have had enough drama over the past week to last us a lifetime. I'm writing this post from the LAX airport in Los Angeles. At least that gives away the ending to our story a little.

Document #1, the agency license for our social worker agency arrived, signed, sealed and apostilled on Monday. It was signed by the official signer and his signature was notarized, so we met their expectations for that one. It is in our hands, ready to be hand-delivered to the court.

Document #2, the criminal background check for both Sara and I were completed and arrived signed, SEALED, and delivered this morning at 9:45. I was able to reach a live person at the Attorney General's office on Monday morning, and found out that we were given the wrong background check form. We were given the one for our own personal review, not the official one for foreign adoptions (It would have been nice to know this a long time ago). After getting an approval from his supervisor, the officer at the AG office was able to overnight me the new background checks, complete with embossed seal and everything. I was able to zip down to San Diego to have them apostilled, and got back home just in time to pack up the van and head to the airport.

So here we sit. Needless to say, we are starting to feel a bit relieved. The nerves about the next part of the trip are definitely there, but overall it has been an incredible relief. I can't say enough about how important all of your prayers and help have been to us. We had so many people step forward and offer to help out in any way that they could. So much selflessness by so many people. Christ loves us with a selfless love, one that involved giving his life so that we might have life. And the fact that so many people demonstrated love in kind towards us fills me with hope and joy that our world hasn't spun so far out of control that helping our neighbor in need has become a thing of the past (I'll include the story of our visit to the doctor to get our pre-trip medical tests signed off on in a later post. It will really illustrate what I'm talking about). I can't wait to repay the love to all of you sometime in the future.

While our heart aches a little, having to say goodbye to our three wonderful boys for a whole month, we are excited about the journey ahead of us. We are confident in what God has in store for us in Russia. Based on the journey so far, we know that it won't be easy. But He has been in our corner all alone, and we know He is going to see it through until the end. Thanks, friends, for all your love and support. Keep up the prayers. We will need them for this last leg...

JP

Update #2

Here's the latest....again.

Our homestudy agency is meeting with the director of Child Protective Services tomorrow to get him to sign the document we need. Well, almost. The document they will sign has all the information of the original requested from Russian court, but they have to put in all the rest of their legal mumbo-jumbo with it. We are not sure if this is going to be acceptable yet, as our adoption coordinator has been mysteriously absent for the past two days. No return of phone calls. No return of e-mails. She is supposed to let us know if this new document is going to be ok, and we are left with silence.

No word back yet on the police clearance letters and whether or not they are going to be acceptable (reference paragraph above, lines 4 & 5).

We are down to 3 business days until we are scheduled to leave, and we still technically don't know whether or not we are good with our documents so that we can keep our court date. Yet, we are packing Misha's suitcase and ours as well. Grandma and grandpa are leaving Wisconsin tomorrow bound for San Diego to watch the boys. Visas will be arriving tomorrow or Saturday. Plane tickets will be here tomorrow. Rooms have been booked. And I spend the bulk of my day talking to my Father in heaven, minute by minute, second by second, putting it all in His hands. Jumping back and forth between nausea and despair, to hope and peace, and back again. As I have said before, it has been His from the beginning. And while I might not see it now, I'm still holding out that one day the purpose for all of this will be revealed.

Please keep us in your prayers. It's working. Don't let up now!

Thanks!
JP

Update

Here's the latest....

Purchased plane tickets (round trip for Sara and I, 1-way for Misha) at about $2000 more than the budget we were given (that's with leaving a day early and saving $800 a ticket).

Purchased 2 30-day visas for Russia ($250 less than what was originally budgeted....woohoo!).

Booking hotel rooms for our stay in Moscow (to the tune of about $2000 more than originally budgeted).

Court in Krasnoyarsk doesn't like two of our documents (one which came straight from the State of California, but does not bear the "state seal" on it and one that is a copy of an original letter, but needs to be an original). We have no control over getting these documents done. They are in the hands of others.

Please pray for us! We are scheduled to leave Los Angeles on Tuesday afternoon. This leaves us with only 4 business days to get these documents done, one or both which might require a trip to Sacramento in this time. If these documents are not finished, we will lose our court date. Non-refundable visas and plane tickets.

With the uncertainty of these documents and being significantly under-resourced, never before has my faith been stretched so close to the breaking point. Lord give me strength...

JP

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE HAVE OUR COURT DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More details to follow.....