Today was Mikhail's 2nd Birthday! On a day that should be filled with joy, I can't help but feel a huge pang of sorrow. I have struggled all day with my feelings and trying to sort through them. Happiness that he was born, and heart-wrenching pain that he's not here. On what amounted to a full day of news regarding our paperwork (none of it good unfortunately), I felt drained of all my emotional reserves and zapped of all my motivation. How could a boy that I have spent all of 4 hours with on the other side of the world hold that much power over me? Sometimes I ask myself "What have I gotten myself into?". I was perfectly content in my own little world, January 7th no different than any other day. But then I had to open my big mouth and utter those words, "God, this adoption is yours. I want you to take control of it and make it what you want it to be." And so here I sit, experiencing feelings deeper than I ever could have imagined. Learning all over again, like a child for the first time what it truly means to love. And now catching just the tiniest glimpse of what was meant when John said "For God so loved the world....."
Keep praying for those still without homes.
JP
1 comment:
Praying for you. For Paperwork, For encouragment for endurance...the finish line is in sight! Keep runing the race!
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us RUN with PERSEVERANCE the race marked out for us...Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Heb 12:1-3
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