Sticks and Bricks & Sticks and Stones

The initial pain of letting go of the house is slowly subsiding. It's only "Sticks and Bricks" as Sara calls it. I'm reminded of a line from a Mat Kearney song where he says "When all is lost, all is left to gain". I like that. Now that this piece is complete, I feel like we can move on and meet the next challenge the Lord has for us.

Speaking of the next challenge, that came and hit us broadside this morning. A personal matter that left our family reeling and wondering where the cameras were hidden. I would never compare our present trials to Job (what he went through far exceeds our perceived "problems"), but it's the similar one-after-the-other nature that leaves us scratching our heads. It seems the deeper we go in this journey, the thicker the foliage gets and the heavier the air presses on our lungs. God's not ready for us to start relying on our own strength yet.

I am amazed at the lenses by which we all view the world. It's like those optical illusions where one person sees an image of two people looking at each other and the other person sees a skull or something like that. How our past experiences and our life journey color the way we see the world. I've never been involved in a situation where this truth has played out so dramatically than this morning.

To burn off some of that energy, I grabbed my running shoes and hit to the streets, my favorite place to meet with the Lord. Whenever I enter into confrontations, afterwards I try to examine my behavior in the light of my Savior and his actions when on this Earth. You know what I think is interesting? The only times you find Jesus ripping into people is when the religious leaders and those who would make a mockery of the temple of the Lord were serving their own self-interests over those of the Lord. He saved his choice words for the "evil doers" who were intentionally distorting the truth and deceiving the people for their own empowerment. Yet for everyone else, the everyday person struggling with everyday difficulties and everyday sins He had a completely different approach. A direct rebuke, yet full of love and compassion. When Jesus tells the Samaritan adulteress at the well to "go and sin no more", you can tell that he really cared about her. That he loved her. He didn't pull any punches with the rich young ruler when he told him to "go and sell everything you have and give to the poor", but you always knew that he had his best interests in mind, the eternal and not the temporal. Up to the end, even when the crowd was hurling insults at him, spitting at him as he hung on the cross, his answer still dripped with compassion. "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." How powerful is that? And as I pounded out the miles, this statement reverberated in my mind. My response to the morning's onslaught needs to be the same. How we move forward from here to reconciliation only time will tell.

But as I neared the end of the run, I had to smile as the Holy Spirit, "the comforter", revealed to me that even this morning's events were part of his plan. Our God is bigger than we can fathom, and no situation that he allows is without its purpose. And while I am still trying to grasp the crux of this one, I know one thing. It has pulled our family even closer together than before and drawn us ever closer to the Lord. And that is always a good thing.

I read this statement in a devotional just given to me yesterday by a friend, and it stuck in my mind today. In regard to Jonah's prayer of thanksgiving while in the belly of the great fish, "The time to express gratitude to God is when in the darkness, not after deliverance." These words are incredible, and so true. To that, I say "Thank you God that you are with us during this time, and that you promise you will never leave us. Thank you God because we know that your hand will lead us out of this darkness."

JP

Up We Go

It's a fittingly cloudy day as I am sitting on my front porch for the last time, writing what will be the last in a string of entries from this house covering 2 adoptions and a complete spiritual transformation. I have been dreading this day for a long time. I had to take a deep breath before opening the door so the county rep could walk through and confirm that it was vacated. I had to hold back tears as I was signing the papers. The key ring feels noticeably lighter in my pocket. I walked around the outside one last time and was greeted with a flood of memories...all good. We moved here when Isaac was two and Benjamin was one. Ethan was born here. Elijah and Micah joined our family here. I can't fully explain it, but it is almost like leaving a member of the family behind. An always silent, but nevertheless important member. If I knew exactly what the future held, it might be a little easier. But I leave here with a few dollars in the bank, the strength of five resilient boys and an amazing wife alongside me, and faith in a God that promises He will be with us through the valleys. As I sit here on the cold asphalt step, I feel we have reached the floor of that valley. But the reality is there is no way to go but back up. And that's a good thing. Lord give us the strength as we begin the climb...

JP

One Chapter Down, The Next One Begins

To update you all, we have officially moved out of our house. Saturday morning we said goodbye to our home for the last 10 years and moved our belongings into storage in Camarillo. It was definitely emotional, but we fully expected that. Saturday afternoon we hit the road for Wisconsin by way of Arkansas to pick up Sara's mom. I flew back to California mere hours after arriving in AR on Monday afternoon, while Sara continued the trek to WI. I am staying with friends until Christmas, when I will fly to Wisconsin and bring the family back to CA. We are working on a few ideas for where to go when we get back. As soon as we have something solid, we will definitely update. Right now we are praying our way through this.

We want to thank everyone who has given us encouragement and support. You don't know how much it means to us. Back when Sara and I set out on our adoption journey, it was first a dedication of our lives fully to bringing glory to God. We knew that when the adoptions were completed, that our dedication was not to end there. So here we stand, in a place we never thought we would be in circumstances we never thought we would find ourselves in. But our call hasn't changed. And while I don't know what tomorrow holds, I am praying for courage and the faith to trust that this is all a part of that call. And knowing my personality, it was going to take something extreme like this to get me to move on and step forward to the next chapter of our story. And I am confident that this one is going to radiate His glory even more brightly than the last...

JP

Our Current Situation

Dear Friends,

We are in need of prayer again as we set out on our next journey in life. For those of you that have not yet heard, the county is taking our house through eminent domain. When we first heard about their project to widen Bear Valley Parkway they assured us not to worry and said that everyone on the street would be taken care of all the way through the project. There was even talk talk that they may not have to demolish our house even though the blueprints clearly marked two traffic lanes going straight through my living room. About a year ago we had our first meeting with the relocation company in which she promised us that "by law" the county was under obligation to make sure that all of our needs were met and that we would be put into "comparable housing" when the time came to move. As more meetings went on, it was made very clear to us that first of all, all of what she said in that first meeting was a lie and secondly, with what they were giving us for our house it was not going to be enough to get us into another one. We have also learned that their so-called "negotiations" are not negotiations at all. It comes down to the fact that we could take this all the way to court and the law is still on their side. It amazes me that we can live in a country where you can "own" a house, pay on it faithfully for 10 years and have it taken away from you and be given nothing (or at least a place to live) in return. I still remember vividly at the second relocation meeting asking the guy on the other side of the table, all five boys standing around me with tears streaming down my face asking him " what am I supposed to tell them?" His response... he looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. Since there were no housing options left, I asked him about apartments in which he replied "I would never live in an apartment with five boys, not after they have had a house with a big yard like yours". Anyway, I could go on and on about the injustice of it all or the ridiculus comments that he kept making like "We will need to sign off on your next housing possibility to make sure that it has suitable living conditions for your family." To which I replied sarcastically "Is my van suitable housing?" but it still comes down to this; our family is once again in very unfamiliar and scary territory. It is hard to comprehend packing up our family of seven and not even know where we are going. Our family is again desperately in need of prayer not for housing because we have amazing family and friends that have been willing to help us out, but prayer for strength and courage as we go through this tough time. It is not easy to leave the only home we as a family have ever known. There are so many happy and wonderful memories that we have made in this house. It is heartbreaking knowing that all the blood, sweat, and tears that we have put into making this our home is all for nothing. It would be one thing if we were selling and another family could come in to enjoy the house we have made but to have everything demolished to dust is sometimes too painful to think about. I keep telling myself "It's sticks and bricks" and that's all it is, but it's still hard. We are supposed to be packing up the first load in the U-Haul trailer today to bring to storage and I just can't get up the strength to do it. I see Jeremy struggle to get up in the morning trying to put on a face of courage to hold the incredible load that is on his shoulders to lead this family. I see Isaac who in his 12 year old innocence doesn't see why we can't "just buy another house". He is torn up about having to leave all of his friends and activities and his biggest passion of all his drums because there is now no place for him to play them. What can I say to him besides "I'm so sorry". It's heartbreaking, and I know he is in a time of his life when he is starting to formulate opinions (especially of his dad) and I would hate to think that he thought we weren't doing everything in our power to provide for him. And then there's Elijah. I can't even begin to write about all that is happening inside that poor boy's head. I have been packing for weeks now and still everyday he will ask me what I am doing and why. He is so confused and obviously no matter how many times I try to explain it he still doesn't get it. He asked me the other day how I was going to get the paint off to the wall to pack it. He walks around the house in a daze not knowing what he is supposed to do. The other day he took a baseball bat to his wagon because in his words "he needed to ruin something". And the other boys... Well, Benjamin puts on a very brave face and tries to encourage everyone and yet I know inside he is hurting, Ethan cries at the drop of a hat, and Micah is just 2 and into EVERYTHING. Every box that I thought I had just packed is suddenly unpacked or missing items. I am so sorry to be writing all of this, I am usually not so vulnerable with my thoughts and emotions but it seems the enormity of the situation has got the best of me this morning and I have suffered a bit of emotional diarrhea.

Anyway, I just wanting to update everyone on our situation as it stands right now. Our move out date is Dec. 3. After selling a good deal of our possessions to try to pay for our moving expenses (the county doesn't pay for this until AFTER the move) we will be storing the rest of our stuff in storage until we get back on our own again. Our future is unknown to us right now but, I know that we serve a strong and mighty God, and I KNOW that He still has a plan for our family. I can't quite see that plan clearly yet, but what I do know is that He is still in control. The plans that we have made or have tried to make may have all fallen apart, but He holds it all together. Our family could really use your prayers right now especially around this time of year making things even more difficult. Thank you again for supporting us through the years praying us through another journey in our life where ever that may lead us.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

Sara

Many Kinds of Hooves

Day 1

Now

Two days ago, it was exactly 1 year ago that we met Micah for the first time. I can't believe that it has already been that long! So much has happened. Yet it has all happened so fast. So many things have changed. New, major changes are on the brink. This journey most definitely continues. Our family is preparing to embark on another adventure. More about that later. For now, know that we are still trying to follow that "light unto our path" to the best of our abilities.

Micah is doing extremely well (praise God!). He is the funniest, naughtiest, cutest, smiliest, cuddliest, goofiest, naughtiest, exasperatingest (yeah, I'm making up words), busiest, chubbiest, playfulest, naughtiest little moose ever to clop his hooves on American soil. We love him like crazy, and he returns the favor (the crazy part and the love part). Our family wouldn't have been complete without him. What a joyful, bumpy road we ride.

While the adoption chapter has been closed, we have quill and ink to the parchment and are beginning to scratch out the first few pages of a new chapter. I thought that when we finished the adoptions we were going to have a little time to relax. A "siesta" you could call it. But apparently God's kingdom isn't anything like Mexico (though I hope to find "California Burritos" on heaven's menu). I keep reading the Bible to find the part where it says that we can stop working, but every indication is that I'm going to have to stop breathing to reach that place. While sometimes it seems like I'm on the fast track to arriving there sooner than I had expected (I'm already bidding farewell to the hair and the circles under my eyes aren't getting any smaller), I'm guessing I'm still a long way off. There's work yet to be done. There's a world of blank pages out there to be filled. May the words it contains be words of Truth. Words of Life. Words of Hope...

JP

Encouragement for Those Still Fighting

In response to hearing of the end of two adoption stories in the same day (one through the chat group and one with a close friend), I felt that I needed to offer a word of encouragement to all adoptive families. My heart is broken. For the adoptive families. For the children struggling to thrive. For those trying to repair just a few small pieces of this broken world we live in. So this goes out to those still fighting the battle with their children. Those that feel like they are banging their heads against a wall. Those struggling each morning to get up and start another day. May the wisdom in the words of the Lord be an encouragement to you.

“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” 1 Peter 4:12-13.

Peter is referring to spiritual persecution in this verse. However, anyone that has been involved in adoption, especially adoption from a Russian orphanage knows full well that there is heavy spiritual warfare going on, the kind that we are not used to seeing here in the U.S.. And it does not end once we get home with our children. In the face of the daily “persecution” that we have endured in the 3 ½ years we have been home with Elijah, a common reaction has been to wonder why God would have us go through this hardship. Maybe we were wrong when we believed that it was “God’s will” to pursue Elijah’s adoption. But then I open the Bible. And I see a book replete with suffering. Abraham is asked by God to sacrifice his son, Isaac. Joseph is sold by his brothers into slavery. David is being pursued by King Saul. The Israelites are exiled from their homeland. Paul is imprisoned. Stephen is stoned. Jesus is tortured and executed. And the story has not ended there. Jews were slaughtered by Hitler. Jim Eliot and friends murdered. Christians in numerous countries have been persecuted, tortured, and killed. And to those who have chosen the road of adoption, the spiritual battle continues daily in the home. Sara has endured physical and emotional abuse, as well as permanent hearing loss in her right ear from the screaming. The brothers have been hit, yelled at, and had their possessions destroyed. Food has flown. The home stress level has grown exponentially. Our marriage has been pushed to the brink. Our faith has often times seemed dim at best. But then we remember the following verse:

“Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9.

I don’t believe that “the proper time” necessarily refers to any time in our life here on Earth. Don’t get me wrong. We have seen some small rewards here in Escondido. Elijah giving Sara a hug and saying “I love you” without prompting. Or Elijah being led by the Spirit to pray with his grandma at the exact moment we were sitting in court halfway across the world pleading for the life of his biological brother, Micah. But if we were to make a list, Hardships is giving Rewards a pretty hefty beating up to this point. Like watching the Los Angeles Dodgers play my 11-year-old son’s Little League team. I have read through the entire Bible, and I have yet to find the section that promises me an easy life free of suffering, for either me or my wife or my children. In fact, in all I’ve read it promises me the opposite.

“After this, Jesus went out and saw a tax collector by the name of Levi sitting at his tax booth. ‘Follow me,’ Jesus said to him, and Levi got up, left everything and followed him.” Luke 5:27-28.

Jesus asked people to “follow him”. To “take my yoke upon you and learn from me”. To do the things that he would do. As Paul said, “to speak as though God himself were speaking” through us. And his road led to suffering, and ultimately death and resurrection. I have always believed that the mission of adoption has been about following Jesus first, before any of the other purposes. Why would I expect our journey to be any different than his? And should I be surprised at the suffering? Or should I embrace it?

“Brothers and sisters, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.” James 5:10-11.

Friends. Keep fighting the battle. It is a worthy one. And in all the stories I referred to above, the end result was always the same. The name of our Lord was glorified. Yours will end the same. I’m confident of that.

Jeremy Park

The Moose is on the Loose!

We are closing in on 4 months home with Micah! I have to be honest and say that it has been a zoo, with a "moose" as the main attraction. (Somewhere along that bizarre journey to nicknames, his became "moose". Sara has had the fun of nicknaming our other four boys, but I'm happy to say that this one was mine, and it has stuck. Not sure exactly where it came from, but it has something to do with body composition. 5th percentile in height, but a solid 25th in weight.) Bill Cosby said that kids cause brain damage. Well I must have my fair share because going into this adoption, I honestly thought that 5 boys wouldn't be that much different than 4. Just another chair at the table. Ha, ha! Micah likes to play with toys (and by toys I mean everything but his toys, especially those things that are sharp, breakable, expensive (not much of that around our house), important, irreplaceable, or some combination of all those things). Micah responds well to the word "no" (and by respond I mean laugh uncontrollably). Micah is very physically coordinated (and by coordinated I mean he likes to climb up on top of the table and swing the chandelier around in circles). Micah is quite the little conversationalist (and by conversation I mean a series of grunts and loud vocal outbursts reminiscent of a goose). Micah has a healthy appetite (and by healthy I mean he shovels heaping amounts of food into his mouth like he hasn't eaten in 2 weeks, cries when you eat because he thinks your taking his food, and white-knuckles his high-chair tray when you say that mealtime is finished).

Micah's first four months have been exhausting and amazing for everyone in the family. I have never seen a child who smiles as much as he does. And with his crossed eyes, it makes him about the most adorable thing you've ever seen. His laugh is contagious. His energy could power a small town. For Micah, there's no mountain (our countertop) too high. No challenge (or meal) too big. And now that he is free of the orphanage, the road before him is clear. And though it promises to be bumpy, with the Holy Spirit in his heart and his family at his side, Micah stands a fighting chance. Stand back. The Moose is on the loose!

JP

(Micah's first (2nd) Birthday Pictures)

Clue and Comedy Central

Tomorrow will mark the 2-month mark of being home with Micah. Up to this point, it has been a much different experience this time around versus 3 years ago with Elijah. While the time in Russia was very easy with Elijah and a struggle with Micah, the time at home has been the opposite. Micah has taken to his new home with much joy, reckless abandon, and a fair measure of purposeful naughtiness. He definitely spends more of his waking hours smiling than not. He loves his brothers, and they have taken to him as well. He is gentle with Brinkley, our now 9-year-old Golden Retriever, and wants to be with people all the time (even if they would prefer a little alone time).

But as any parent of a two-year-old knows, it is not all cupcakes and Chuck E. Cheese's around here. Let's just say that if we were playing a game of Clue, the culprit would be Micah, in every room, with his own two hands. The boy wants to touch EVERYTHING! And when you tell him no, you'd think he was watching Comedy Central. He's just now starting to get the lay of the land, so it has slowed down a bit. But turn your back on him for one second and he's out the back door and halfway across the yard on the Incredible Journey. And the eating.....and eating....and eating....and eating. If we didn't say "when", I honestly believe that his belly would explode. (How does one go about explaining a large, gaping abdominal hole to a social worker on homevisit?) We've never had a football player in the family. Hmmm.....

He is just starting to talk. Watch the video below to see a little "mama" and "dada". Hope you enjoy!

JP

A New Life Begins

We're Home!!!!!!

OK. Let me back up. The visit to the U.S. Embassy in Russia went without a hitch. There were about 6 families there with kids ready to head home (Micah was the cutest....ok, of course I would say that). The visit took about 1 1/2 hours, and then we were off to sightseeing again. We ventured to a place that was supposed to have been the summer home for czars and Peter the Great, but after walking around for a while and getting nothing but a "nyet" from people when we tried to ask how to get where we were going, we couldn't find it and headed back to downtown Moscow and walked a different route. I couldn't believe the expensive stores. Rodeo Drive in Moscow.

We got up early Saturday morning to pack and were down in the lobby for our pick-up at 9:30am for our flight leaving at 1pm. At 9:45 we started to worry. A quick call to our coordinator, and he informed us that our driver was going to be late. About 10:15. He eventually made it, apologized profusely (his alarm clock battery went dead and he overslept), and we were off. We made it through security with an hour to spare, and after a quick lunch we were on our way home.

Micah did very well on the plane. He slept about an hour out of the first two for his nap. Then he ate and played for a little while. At about 6 hours into the flight, we gave him a little sleepy help and made a makeshift bed out of the airplane blankets and pillows for him on the floor by our feet. It took him about an hour, and then he fell asleep. He didn't wake up until about 5 hours later when we were descending for landing at LAX. It was windy coming in, which made the ride a little more exciting, but we made it down safely. Then 1 3/4 hours in passport control and baggage getting his visa stamped and getting him entered into the country as an official U.S. Citizen. But coming out of the ramp and seeing the boys waiting for us was priceless. They ran from behind the barrier to greet us in the middle of the entryway, and there were many hugs all around. There's nothing that compares to that feeling. We had reunion time with family at Round Table Pizza ten minutes from the airport, and then drove home in the "new" van, a full family again plus one.

Transition has gone extremely well. We took him to Shelter Island in San Diego the day after we arrived (tradition since we did the same with Elijah when we got home 3 years ago) and played on the play equipment and looked at the boats (he decided that he doesn't like F18's when they take off though). Next day we went to the beach. He wouldn't go near the water and loved sucking on his sandy thumbs. Overall, it has been a pretty smooth transition. The boys love him, and he has taken to them very quickly. He even likes the dog (just doesn't know the difference between petting and clobbering on the head).

I was reminded today of the song Steven Curtis Chapman wrote after his child's adoption, "When Love Takes You In". The line "When love takes you home and says you belong here". "The loneliness ends and a new life begins". There is so much truth to that. While this feels like the end of Micah's adoption story, this is only the beginning of the story of his life. There are so many new things for him to experience. So many places to go where he never would have gone. So many things to do that he never would have had an opportunity to do. And, most importantly, starting his relationship with the Lord who brought him home...

Thanks for all your prayers. Now the real journey begins...

JP

Almost Finished!

Hey friends! Sorry about the delay in updates. We are in Moscow now with more limited internet access. One hour of internet goes by fast when you have to catch up with your boys back home. We left Krasnoyarsk early Wednesday morning and arrived in Moscow early Wednesday morning (long day). The flight went about as well as you could hope for a kid in a strange place with strange people on an airplane for the first time. We had time to kill that day, so we went out in search of a stroller to do some sightseeing. Our search yielded nothing as the famous children's mall in Moscow has apparently been closed for 3 years for renovation (we didn't find this out until after we got there). So instead, since we were almost there already, we continued on to Red Square. Little dude doesn't much like to be carried by daddy, and mommy's arms can only handle so much. Mix that with that fact that everyone was a little crabby from getting up at 3:45 in the morning, it wasn't the most fun time any of us have ever had. But we survived, and it was good to get out.

Micah had his visit from the doctor here at the room. We were informed that he was a favored son at the orphanage, and that he was obviously used to getting what he wants (we didn't need to pay $200 to find that one out). We finally found a stroller at another mall yesterday, so we were able to do more sightseeing, and it was a much more enjoyable time for everyone. We even got to see a few things that we didn't last time.

Later this morning we have our visit with the embassy to get his visa. That should go fine, and we should be ready to head home tomorrow. Our boys arrived back in Escondido just a few hours ago and are happy to be home. We can't wait to see them in a couple of days.

JP

Almost In 'N Out Burger

Our first 2 full days with Micah Aleksandr are complete and have been wonderful! He is settling in a ton better than we ever could have hoped given our experience during the 10 day waiting period. As expected, he is still very much preferring mommy for the bulk of his interaction, but I have been carrying him the bulk of the time that we go out and have been changing him and helping him get dressed, and he is responding better and better as time goes on. I know that it is going to take time, and I am more patient than he thinks. I can wait this thing out a lot longer than he can. He’ll cave soon enough and realize that playing with daddy is pretty cool (at least I think it is…and four other brothers can’t be wrong). We have stayed pretty close to the apartment for the most part, although we have gone out a couple of times both days for walks just to get some fresh air (we use that term loosely, between the smog, cigarette smoke, the wind blowing dust and trash everywhere, and the copious amounts of smoke as people are burning the dead brush in their yards and fields). We braved the cold and wind to feed the pigeons yesterday, but apparently the pigeons didn’t get the memo that we were coming, or maybe it was too cold for them and we were the idiots here. So that ended up being just a walk in the stroller. Today we have the privilege of spending the afternoon with our friends, the Loomans’. I got schooled by their boys in soccer, ran races against their two new goats, ate hamburgers that tasted as close to home as you’ll get in Siberia (not In ‘N Out Burger, but wonderful nevertheless), looked at baseball cards with their son and regaled him with stories of Jose Canseco getting hit on the head with the baseball and having it go over the fence for a home run, my wiffle ball career, and a play-by-play of Kirk Gibson’s dramatic (no, dare I say epic) home run in Game 1 of the 1988 World Series against the Oakland A’s (brings tears to my eyes just writing about it). Something tells me he didn’t find it quite as exciting as I did. But he was a good sport and played along. We had an opportunity at the end of the evening to pray for each other’s future journey as we continue to seek the Lord’s guidance in where we can serve Him best in the future, wherever that might be.

As we were driving home, I reminisced about the amazing things we had an opportunity to do in Krasnoyarsk this time around, and mentioned that I was bummed that I didn’t get a chance to ride on a Russian city bus. Tim, who was giving us a ride home, took me seriously and dropped me off at the bus stop, and I rode through two stops and got off. I set up Elmo and was all ready to take the picture when I found that the batteries in the camera were dead! Bummer. But I have the ticket to prove it. I had two buses to choose from, and chose the less crowded and creepy-looking one. I know, I’m a wimp. Tomorrow we are planning on laying low, packing, and getting ready to go. I pick up Micah’s passport tomorrow and it’s off early Wednesday morning to Moscow. Can’t believe we’re almost finished…

JP

The Beginning of the Firsts

It is finished! The 10-day wait period is over, and Micah Aleksandr Park is now a part of our family! We left around 9am for the orphanage. We were informed along the way that we would not get to dress Micah at the orphanage (which we were able to do for Elijah). We were bummed about this, but so much of this experience has been different than the last time around, so we just accepted it as par for the course. He was super cute coming down the hall decked out in his jacket and hat, even though it was slated to be over 80 degrees today. We exchanged gifts with the orphanage director and his caretakers, snapped a few pictures, and we were in the van. We were expecting pretty much an hour straight of crying in the van, but he slept for most of it. They usually give the kids anti-nausea medication before they leave, so I'm sure that's what made him tired. But when he was awake, he was very content to look at the passing cars and watch the scenery fly by.

We were unsure what to expect when we got the apartment, so we just decided to play it by ear. The afternoon was wonderful! We fed him lunch, and he ate perfectly, letting Sara feed him as we had planned. We took a nice, long walk after lunch. He let me carry him most of the way, even laying his head on my shoulder for at least half of it. It was a very special time because that is the closest he has let me get to him all trip! We played a little in the park and at the playground here at the apartment as well. He ate dinner perfectly, bathtime was a success, and Sara rocked him to sleep to end the day. We couldn't have hoped or prayed for a better first day with Micah.

He still would fall back into crying occasionally, and we know that as days go by the honeymoon period will end, but today was a great start and really gave us the boost we needed to make it through the last 7 days here until we get home. It is a wonderful feeling to know that Micah's new life is beginning, and that he has so many firsts ahead of him. I consider it an honor that the Lord chose us to walk with him through them...

JP

No More #15

Micah in his room

Tomorrow's the big day!

We had two days to ourselves without any trips to the orphanage. Wednesday we spent just getting some rest and doing some souvenir shopping, a task that we knew would be easier minus one little one. Very relaxing! Thursday was a wonderful day! We finally made contact with Constantin, one of the pastors of the Baptist Church here in Kras that we had learned about through a friend back home in the States. He and his family have also been working with Campus Crusade for Christ for the better part of 10+ years. He has moved on from working with college-aged kids to working with business-people, sharing with them that there is more to life than just working and making money. It was a wonderful afternoon. They graciously invited us to their home for lunch. The food was amazing and the company was even better! His wife and two girls are wonderful, and it was so exciting to hear what the Lord has done in their lives and what He is presently doing in the birthplace of our two boys. The afternoon flew by, and I am sure we overstayed our welcome, but it was so engaging that we didn't want to leave. We were even given a mini tour of their home by the girls, ages 11 and 6, which included the two family hamsters and their art collection (rather extensive seeing as the girls are the artists...and very good I might add). They even gave us a piece for free that they made for Easter to give to our boys. The highlight was getting to hear Constantin (who is the worship leader for the church) play piano and sing "How Great Thou Art" in Russian. It was absolutely amazing! Then being able to pray for them and their ministry with the people of Krasnoyarsk was a privilege I won't soon forget.

We visited Micah today, the last time before we pick him up on Saturday. We got to go with his caretaker to get his pictures taken for his passport and visa. This made things easier, since we normally have to do the visa pictures in Moscow right after getting off the plane (there are usually no smiles for that one...although in typical Russian fashion there were no smiles for this one either). We also got to see his room, which was incredible. It is such a complex range of emotions that we feel when we see our childrens' rooms. To see their roommates (such adorable little kids), the bed where they sleep, their bathtub, and even the potty they use (even that's adorable). Wow! It's hard to put it into words. Everything is numbered to keep things organized with the children. Micah is #15.

Tomorrow morning we bring Micah Aleksandr out of the orphanage for good. It is a crazy mix of emotional ingredients. Part excitement, part fear. A dash of sorrow and a heaping scoop of joy. #15 is going home. The crib with his number on the headboard is going to be empty tomorrow night. The little #15 tags are getting pulled off Wednesday and Sunday on the bath chart. Potty #15 is going to be dry. And the nametag on his closet that says Belousov Aleksandr is getting pulled down for good. And for that I will praise God forever. Unfortunately, in a few days, weeks, maybe months there will be a new #15. And for that I grieve. Please pray with me that another family will step up and take in the next #15. Better yet, please pray with me that as the Lord changes the hearts of the people here in Krasnoyarsk through people like Constantin, there will be no more #15's...

JP

Group #9

Potty #15

Crib #15

Not Exactly BFF's, but Making Progress...

Visit #6 went much better. He still did a lot of crying, but not nearly as much as previous trips, and mostly it was just grumpy, “I don’t want to be here” moaning and groaning. Not “I’m in mortal peril” crying. His bonding with Sara is growing noticeably every day. He loves to sit in her lap, and will put his head back and relax. He loves it when he sits in her lap and she rocks him back and forth. It is wonderful to see this kind of bonding happening already in the orphanage. It is more than we saw from Elijah when we were visiting him. He and daddy are not exactly BFF’s yet, but we are making progress there too. Every trip I pick him up and hold him and walk with him, even though I know he doesn’t want me to. And this past trip especially, there were a few times when he stopped crying and just relaxed. So good news all the way around.

We know that the major obstacles for him right now are that he is so attached to his “home”. With that knowledge, we are confident that this attachment will transition over to his new home. We just have to get there. The waiting this time is a little bit harder because we know that we need to have him in our “around the clock” care before we can start truly making our transition. And we just found out yesterday that we don’t get to take him out until Saturday (we got to take Elijah out on Friday last time), which we were bummed about. So we are going to take the next two days off from going to the orphanage, visit on Friday, and then pick him up on Saturday. Please continue to keep us in prayer.

On a completely unrelated note, we are purchasing a van (or rather my father is purchasing one on our behalf) while here in Siberia (for use at home, of course). If you remember from a past blog post before we left, we limped into the finish line here with our car spewing oil every time we drive it and the van barely working. We had to drive up to my parents’ house in 3^rd gear in our van because the transmission was shot. Last week the estimate for fixing it came back. With all that is wrong with it, the grand total was going to be around $5000. Considering we paid $3000 for it in the first place, that was a tough sell. So we started looking from here (you’ve got to love the internet) and found a van just 15 minutes from my parents’ house. It is a ’96, but only has 71K miles on it. In great condition. 12 passenger van size, but seats 8 comfortably with a ton of cargo space in the back. And for only $4800, less than it would cost to fix our van, it’s a steal! We will have a “new” vehicle waiting for us when we return. Another blessing to be sure!

JP

One Day at a Time

Visit #5 with Micah was probably the toughest one yet. Except for a 10-minute spell while Sara was rocking him in her lap, he cried the entire time. We were in a different room this time with similar play equipment, just smaller. It was one of their “sensory” rooms. The bright colors and lights are supposed to be stimulating to the kids, but I can’t help but think that they make a person just want to leave as quickly as possible. There was a window open, but with no cross breeze it quickly got very warm, what with holding a squirming, crying child and all. Once his 2-hour prison sentence with us was finished, Sara was able to walk with him back to his room. His room is on the third floor, and he led her straight down the hall, around the corner, and up three flights of stairs right to his room. Upon entering, he sat down, took off his shoes, and he was off like a rocket to whatever his room had to hold. No “paca, paca”. Just gone.

I’m thankful that Sara and I have experienced adoption before, because if this was our first time I don’t know how we would be anything other than super disappointed. As it is, we are still struggling with the fact that he doesn’t seem to be relaxing at all with us. The psychiatrist at the orphanage said that he is extremely attached to his caretakers, which is great news for us in the future. Unfortunately, it makes now extremely difficult. We second-guess whether we should visit him in the orphanage at all or just hang tight until we pick him up for good. I’m sure he doesn’t enjoy crying for 2 hours, and certainly it’s no picnic for us either. But we are taking it a day at a time, and praying for wisdom along the way. We are pretty certain though that if today’s visit is like yesterday’s, we will forego the final 2 visits and just pick him up on Friday. We will keep you posted as to how the day goes…

At Home Halfway Around the World

Yesterday was another great day. We were fortunate enough to get attend church service in the morning at a Baptist church here in Krasnoyarsk. The building looked very much the authentic Russian church building, but without the icons and incense filling the inside. Instead, there was the familiar sight of modern-day sound and video equipment, a traditional choir up in front and four singers, piano, and violin. There was a lot of worship singing (no Chris Tomlin, though), a kid’s message about Palm Sunday, more singing, baby dedication, marital engagements, more singing, a wonderful message about the importance of the young people in the church, more singing, announcements, and I think more singing. All together a 2 hour and 15 minute affair, and I loved every minute of it. I raised my hand when asked if there were any new visitors, and I received a New Testament and Psalms in Russian (a Bible was actually the one souvenir I really wanted on this trip!). I even was approached during the service by a man who came from all the way on the other side of the church to tell me that he hadn’t seen me in 20 years and to find out how I was doing. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t here when I was 13, but I shook his hand and thanked him anyway. The message was from Mark 10, about Jesus rebuking the disciples for not letting the children come to him, and then telling them “…anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” Being here in Russia ministering to the needs of a little child, I could relate perfectly. Sara and I had a long conversation later that evening about the young generation here needs to spark the church here to make an impact. There is still much work to be done here.

Following church, I got the privilege of riding in the back seat with my two new friends, Steven and Jonathan, as we talked about sports and I explained to them the finer points of a California Burrito (they didn’t seem nearly as excited as I was). We were going to have a picnic outside, but the stiff wind coming off the river and the sprinkles that began to fall forced a retreat back to the home of our new friends, Tim and Iris, instead. We also got to meet Sy, who was just united with his new mom and grandmother as they begin the journey home and he begins his new life outside the orphanage. He is 2 ½ and super sweet. I couldn’t believe his vocabulary, either. The boy could practically carry on a conversation. Elijah was the same age when we picked him up and all we could get out of him was “nyet”. And if crying is talking then I guess Micah has a great vocabulary, but I can’t make heads or tails of it. It was just a blessing watching Sy play with Steven and Jonathan. That little boy’s going to do alright. We spent the afternoon visiting with friends, and I got to play a little Siberian baseball in the backyard. No Little League here. Maybe I should come back and start something up. We didn’t want the afternoon to end. It’s amazing how you can feel at home halfway around the world when you are with friends.

We are excited to begin a new week with Micah. We will be bringing him out of the orphanage on Friday. Wow! We are praying for some big-time progress with him this week, and can’t wait for the big day. The other boys had a wonderful day at Silver Dollar City Amusement Park in Branson, Missouri, and are on the road heading north to Minnesota as we speak. More updates to come soon…

JP

Stolby

Yesterday we had the incredible opportunity to hike up to Stolby Forest just outside of Krasnoyarsk. Our new friends here arranged for one of their friends, a cab driver named Andrey, to give us a ride to the park and back. Saved us from taking the bus, which is an adventure in itself. Andrey apologized for his poor English, which was light-years better than our Russian. We had a nice conversation. He is a man with a truly wonderful heart. The drive instead of taking the bus saved us about 1 1/2 miles of hiking each way, which was nice. But we still had our work cut out for us. When I say we hiked "up" to Stolby, that's exactly what it was. UP! Just to get to the first of the beautiful rock formations was at least 3 miles up hill. The morning started out frigid with the sun not yet overhead. Snow was still very much on the ground and the road up was covered in slush. We were feeling fairly underdressed in tennis shoes, pants, and a fleece over a t-shirt. But we quickly warmed up as the blood started pumping. An absolutely beautiful hike up to the pillars (Stolby means "pillar" in Russian). We ate lunch on one of the rocks, thought about climbing up one of the big pillars and then thought better of it (found out later from Andrey that the memorial we saw at the base of the park was for all the people that have died at Stolby from falling off the rocks. Good call after all.). We took a bunch of pictures, including some of Elmo rock climbing and making a snowman, and just enjoyed every second we were there. We slipped and slid our way down the trail heading back and the legs felt the burn by the time we reached the bottom. We had a truly wonderful day, and we are looking forward to going to church this morning with friends and having lunch afterward. With all this fun, we are not going to want to come home...

JP

Daddy TV

Trips #3 and #4 to the orphanage have been very similar. Micah is still very much the scared little boy at this point. Both visits start and end with crying. Visit #3 was spent mostly watching what we have called “Daddy TV”, in which I find any number of goofy games to play while he sits on mommy’s lap and watches from a distance. This particular episode included me bowling over plastic pins with a rubber ball and juggling. Episode #4 of the show included the balancing of rubber rings on my head. Visit #3 we got to give (or rather attempt to give) him his snack, some sort of oatmeal with a glaze on top and tea, but that wasn’t happening. His caretaker finally got him to eat it when she came in to pick him up. Visit #4 included his lunch, where we watched him feed himself while the caretaker helped him. This meal included the following: a full bowl of borsch (a beet soup), a full plate of mashed potatoes with vegetables, two large slices of bread and a cup of juice, all eaten with a spoon about the size of his head. I got full just watching him. We are both thankful that we have done this before and understand how these transitions can work, because it is a fight not to get a little discouraged at the slow rate of progress. But there is still progress. The first visits, no goodbyes. Just “get me outta’ here” as quickly as possible. Now, as familiarity grows, we get goodbye’s when we leave and a lot more physical interaction. But as long as there still is another place and another caretaker to go to, we will never really make the necessary progress. We are looking forward to the week we will have him only in our care before we return home. I believe that is when we will take our biggest strides.

We have been keeping ourselves very busy here, experiencing a ton more than we did the past three times we’ve been here. On Tuesday night we attended a professional basketball game, complete with 3 American players. The local team, “Yenesi”, won by one point. They were losing for the entire game, then took the lead with 17 seconds to go. It was pretty exciting for all involved, because they’ve only won 9 out of over 30 games all season. That was #10! We have done a lot more exploring. We found the flea market. We’ve hiked to the top of the hill with the church on it and that houses the “Russia” sign (Krasnoyarsk’s equivalent of the Hollywood sign). We explored the mall yesterday. The entire bottom floor was just shoes! I’m not kidding. Shoes! I have never seen so many shoes in all my life! Last night we attended our first ballet. In Russia of all places. It was amazing! And at only about $8 a seat for nice, center seats, we couldn’t beat it. No, I’m not ashamed to admit it. I enjoyed the ballet!

No orphanage trips this weekend, so we are going to do some more sightseeing and hopefully attend church on Sunday. The boys landed safely in Arkansas yesterday, so they are excited to spend the last part of their trip with Sara’s parents, visiting cousins and fishing and all that. Thanks for all your continued prayers. Only 2 weeks until we return home!

J

Elmo catching a basketball game

Daddy feeding his way into Micah's heart

The Russian Ballet

Good Gifts

Day 1 as Micah’s parents has officially come and gone. We got to visit him in the orphanage, still 10 days from bringing him out for good. And both Sara and I believe that the wait is a blessing in disguise. We are going to need every minute of time we have with him during those 10 days. Our visit was in the afternoon again, just the second visit since we have been back in Russia. And apparently he remembered that he was dropped off two days ago with strange people, because as he rounded the staircase and caught sight of the doorway of the playroom where we were waiting for him, he put on the breaks, stiffening both legs and looking very much like a waterskier as his slick-soled sandels scraped across the tile floor. Voicing his displeasure, he entered the room ultimately in the arms of his caretaker. Much of the visit proceeded in like fashion. He spent the better part of the first hour crying. A hefty portion of his apprehension was supplied by yours-truly. (That’s what I live for. Scaring small children. I thought the Halloween monster mask with blood-tinged fangs was a good idea. The perfect ice-breaker). The response is really not much different than it was with Elijah, except Micah is about 6 months younger than Elijah was and as a result, is just a touch more apprehensive. But once I relegated myself to one corner of the room assembling a collection of Cinderella puzzles (I killed those bad boys so fast!), he settled down and began to play. It was from this vantage point that I was able to catch on camera his first smiles as Sara tickled him.

As the afternoon progressed, I was able to work my way closer to him, much like a Navy SEAL, belly crawling behind foam-filled couches and ducking behind stacked foam blocks, occasionally peeking from behind to see that I was not spotted. With a wall of multi-colored blocks as a barrier, I slowly extended the video camera out from behind, training the lens on Micah sitting in Sara’s lap. I then angled the viewfinder towards me, using it as a periscope so that I could watch my son play. By the end of our visit though, I was able to come out from behind the wall, and we rolled a small ball back and forth together as I cherished every toss. At this point, they are the little things that are so important. But you should have seen him when the door opened and his caretaker stepped in. GAME OVER! Remember the cartoons where Scooby-Do and Shaggy would be frightened by something popping up behind them? They would jump up and their feet would start running franticly before they even touched the ground? Got the mental picture? Yeah, pretty much like that. No “good-bye”. Just “get me outta here, man!” (or the Russian equivalent).

If you have read this blog before, you know that this is the part where I wax philosophical on you. Much like Fred Rogers from the popular Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood children’s show would take off his “house shoes” and put his loafers back on, throw the old-man coat over his sweater while singing “It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood…”, I can’t wrap up this episode without it. You would somehow feel slighted. Taken advantage of. Ripped off. I just don’t think I could live with myself knowing that I caused you so much pain. So here goes. I know on the surface it could sound like Micah’s response this past visit was negative. A bad sign. And while unfortunate, I don’t know how anyone could realistically expect anything different. The orphanage is my son’s home. His small room is his whole world. His caretakers are his mom and dad. His playmates are his brothers and sisters. At this moment, who am I? A stranger. Someone to be feared. What is the playroom where we visit him? Just a place where he feels alone and scared. Here’s where the truth of our life and God come into clear focus. All of us at many different times in our lives and in myriad ways are Micah. We are comfortable and safe in our own little rooms where everything is familiar. We confuse safety with happiness, and therefore we live lives of perceived contentment. Then there is God. He’s like me, Micah’s father (for the sake of analogy…don’t go screaming blasphemy just yet). He knows the life that He has for us outside our little world. A home, a family, hope, a future, joy like we have never experienced before that would make what we have settled for as happiness in our little room seem like a solitary light bulb compared to the light of the sun. But we are scared of the unknown. So we lock our knees in defiance and fear. But that room is the place where God meets us in our own lives and gives us a little taste of what His family is like. We’ve been in that room before. And we have been scared, so we have cried to return to our own safe world, despite the world of unknown and never-before-dreamed-of joy and fulfillment that is available to us if we just trusted the one wiser than us. The good news for Micah is that 9 days from now, regardless of his choice we are going to step into his life and take him out of his little world to his home where he will grow and thrive, where he will never be alone, where he will belong forever. With God, we have to choose to leave the room with Him. How many times have you been in the room with Him, only to run back out the door? Sacrificed joy for safety? Traded freedom for the prison of your four walls because it’s all you know? If you believe that Sara and I know what’s best for Micah, why wouldn’t the creator of the universe know what is best for the children he loves and gave his life for?

“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:11

"You Win!"

This morning came with prayer already on my lips. We had spent hours the night before taking and studying notes of answers to potential questions from the judge. We quizzed each other, bouncing questions back and forth like ping pong. By the time we reached bedtime, we were pretty happy with the responses that we had prepared. But the nerves started to kick in at first light, and the praying began. With first court hearing of the day, we only had time to eat breakfast and get dressed before it was time to go. We quizzed each other again all through breakfast, showering, and dressing. Then one last prayer time, and we were out the door and waiting on the steps to the apartment for our drive to the courthouse.

Though cool enough outside to see your breath, the sun was shining bright and felt warm on my face. I looked up at the sky and soaked in the sun, and a peace settled over me. I knew that so many people back home were praying for Aleksandr, and that we had done all the Lord had called us to do up to this point. We were ready. I knew the prayers had started.

The van came nearly 15 minutes late (traffic), and we sped to court (with much honking by our driver...and I think a few illegal turns). It was minutes after we arrived that we were whisked into the courtroom. This one was downstairs, and was a much smaller room with 5 desks and some basement-style windows in one corner. The Russian seal sat over the desk that would be the judge's, and a Russian flag adorned the wall next to it, serving both as monument and it appeared to cover some sort of electrical box in the wall. The prosecutor sat on the desk on the left, the court reporter on the right, and the Ministry of Education representative and Orphanage Director at the table to our right. Sara and I sat next to our interpreter at the table on the left. As I sat staring at the Seal, I felt an overwhelming sense that everything was going to be ok. I could feel the prayers at that moment, and I smiled. I took a deep breath, and lifted up the court hearing one more time.

I spent the next 45 minutes answering a barrage of questions, starting with what in the name of Siberia would possess a family of 6 to even dream of adopting another child. Uhh.....in my mind I'm asking myself the same thing. That's how it began, and it quickly turned to questions of finances, the banking crisis in America, savings for college, homeschooling, our house, and the kids' social lives. This was the same judge we had last time. She is extremely fair and good-natured, but she gets to the point. And she cares about these kids. She even toyed with me by having me sit down, thinking I was finished, and then making me get up again to answer more questions (how cruel!).

Sara's questioning was much shorter, with Sara becoming emotional at one point and breaking into tears relating a story about how Elijah came up to her one day and declared "I love brothers!" I think this scored a few points with the judge. After the Orphanage Director and Ministry of Education representative spoke to the judge on our behalf, giving their approval, we were asked to leave the room for just a few short minutes. A few more prayers, and we were back in. The judge began to read the conclusions. I waited for the words, and then I heard them. "Court grants the petition of adoption" and tears welled up in my eyes. I'm not sure what she said after that. All I know is we said thank you in a daze as the judge exited the room. We thanked the prosecutor and court reporter, as well as the Ministry of Education rep and Orphanage Director, and we were out. We quickly exited the court building, not wanting to give anyone any time to change their mind. As we walked through the doors, our coordinator turned to us, threw her arms up and said "You Win!" I guess that sums it up.

One more to leave you with. A few days before we left, Sara walked into Elijah's room and saw him sitting on the floor with his hands crossed and his eyes shut. As she entered the room, she asked him what he was doing. He replied "I'm praying for Micah." Ok, two to leave you with. Here is a story related to me just an hour after court by my mother, who is watching the boys. It was 7:45pm west coast time, which was 10:45am for us, right about the time Sara was standing up making her plea for Aleksandr. My mother was putting Elijah to bed, and he turned to her and said, "We need to pray." With no prompting from my mother, he began to pray for Micah and the adoption. Let me ask you something. Do you believe that prayer works? And do you believe that God speaks to people? My hope from all of this is that you would realize that God is at work through his people. He speaks to his people today just as clearly as he did in the days of Moses. Two little brothers are going to be united in a home that loves the Lord and will forever tell them that God loves them because His people believed in miracles, and chose to be a part of one. Thank you!

JP

Relief!

Elmo giving the "thumbs up" to the court decision.